He stole from me

[AtSea1979]

Regular user, name changed.

It isn't a huge amount, about £70 I think, I have a change pot where I put left over coins at end of most days. At last count there was about £150 in pound coins, I dipped in to it myself a couple of times, taking approx. £10 each time. Today, while he's at work I counted £50 in £1's. Nothing more. So I say about £70 to account for me taking more than I realised, but I don't think I did.
I am not the kind of person to keep quiet about this. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I believe in totally honesty and trust in a relationship yet I cant say anything.
DP has had financial difficulties. I helped him out. He will be paying me back next friday when he gets paid. The day after, we go on holiday with DCs for a week. I have to keep quiet until we get back, no idea how. Please help me decide objectively what to do.
So not to drip feed, I was single a long time before DP and found it hard and lonely, and had depression and my parenting suffered because of it. Too much shouting etc.
Now my DC seem much happier, despite hearing me and DP row occassionally.
DC are 5 & 8.
What do I do?

Sex is crap, why on earth would you stay if the sex is already crap? Nothing else is amazing which if you were happy and it was all great you might put up with shit sex for.

I know what its like to be on my own, I was for years before, and I hated it. But I hate this too.
I wish he'd have told me first. I wish he would have just once, one night, switched the tv off and wanted me. I am wishing for things that don't exist.

Because I thought the shit sex would get better! It didn't. He tried in his own way but that was the problem, he didn't listen to what I liked. He tried his way, not mine.

Not with this man.

Don't think of it as being on your own. You can't be anyway as you have children. Think of it as precious time with you and your kids - they will soon be grown. Enjoy the times you can watch what you want on tv, eat what and when you like, decorate in any colour you like, enjoy a hobby that you like. Make no room for a man in your life and one will come along who respects your strength and independence and who wants to add to your life, not take from it.

All sounds very idealistic.
Instead it was, kids in bed by 7pm, me lonely trying to fight the depression. Mornings shouting at kids, out of control with frustration. Weekends, break from work, 2 whole miserable days spent alone in noisy play centres or trudging parks seeing other families seemingly enjoying themselves. Fake smiles, for the kids.
Then DP came along and my smile was real, days out on Sundays where a lot more fun having a grown up around. Someone to chat to in evenings etc but now we rarely chat and the fake smile is back.

I know how hard it is to be on your own - I am for the second time. But it is much harder being in a relationship that is not working.

He isn't the only man in the world and while you are with a shit lover you will not meet the man who knows exactly how to put a smile on your face in every room of the house.

Oh shit. His email:

"First of all, I love you. Whatever happens I will always love you.
I went onto mumsnet to see if I could find some advice but found a post that I think you wrote. I think the mumsnetters are right. I saw what you wrote about my good qualities, but they don't make up for my bad ones. After reading what you said you are absolutely right and better off without me.
I want to give you the life you want, happiness for all of you, I want to change and make it right. Maybe living apart will help us become closer and make a difference in our lives, of this I live in hope.
I am really sorry that I have made you feel like this and if I could go back in time and change everything I would, but I cant, so all I have to offer is trying to make it right for the future. I know you don't feel the same or feel that I can do it, so I wont push it anymore.
I wont push anything anymore, everything now is up to you. YOU have the control in where we go from here.
I cant verbalise these thoughts so am writing them down."

Great, the one place I could turn to and he's taken that too.

Just tell him to fuck right off

You are wasting your time on this prick

He's gone out now to look at the house share. Trouble is he's no money to pay for it.

It's all posturing bollocks

Will you give him a downpayment ?

I wouldn't be surprised if you did just to get rid of the pathetic manchild

Stalking much, he's just taken your last bastion of control and thought preservation away from you.

Up to you hmm yeah balls in your court, more like I won't make a decision because if it's wrong it's on you op and I get to walk away like a wounded animal who's been kicked.

1500 quid cheap,price to pay to get rid of this wastrel .

So, he's a creepy stalker, as well as a leech?
What a catch.

He's gone out? Don't let him back in the house.

I used to date one of these, when I kicked him out he made a big thing of hugging a saying good bye to my son and crying, didn't stop him tapping me up for money though.

FGS! Get shot of him. NO, don't give him more money, you have already lost enough. He can't pay for it, he can go to the council and get a bond for a shared house. He wants to stay local so he can tap you for cash and guilt trip you into letting him lodge.

Bollocks to he came on for advice. He is controlling you.

Do not give him money to rent.

Just tell him it is over and lock the door.

He found this because he's stalking you and checking your phone. What a wanker. People who love you don't treat you like this.

And next time you find someone and the sex is bad, just DUMP. Stop giving chances.

He went on mn and just happened to come across a thread entitled "he stole from me"? Bullshit. He's stalking you and checking up on you.

If he genuinely had found the thread by mistake and he was a decent guy, he'd have kept quiet, realising that its YOUR thread and a place of safety. Instead he mentions it in the r mail- trying to make you feel bad...passive aggressive if you ask me.

Just tell him to fuck the fuck off.

What a very strange coincidence, op. As you've been spilling your guts on this thread; he's been in the other room reading it...
I mean, what are the odds on that?

It's funny how these blokes always seem to stumble across their P's threads really quickly.

Funny he is so full of love after reading what you said about the crap sex

Of course the first thing any man does after a row is read mumsnet

He knew I use MN and the title was clearly quite obvious since I keep telling him he stole it.
I counted up the money because I was going to take it to bank for spending money for DC for holiday.

As far as being on your own goes, don't let your experience of it last time colour your view of what it can be like. It is possible to learn to be your own support and build up a resilience that you may not previously have had. You can also learn to find your fulfilment from your own experiences and interests rather than having to gain it through another person. As far as finding it hard to parent on your own, it's possible to learn strategies for better control. It doesn't have to be an impossible ideal, it just takes a little bit of investment in yourself. You have a great resource here, it will help you to get through it.

He's looking at another shared house on his way home tonight.
Last night he was more attentive than he's ever been but that just made me more angry that he denied me that for past few months.