"kept" - Morning. Please do not think you have driven your ex to the OW. You didn't. He is a grown man who made his own choices. The choice he made to betray you, betray your children, lie to you all was his. So you put on some weight. So what. as you get older you may get some wrinkles, your hair may go greyer. Does that give ex the excuse in twenty years time for him to say i'm going to have an affair as the person i married did not have wrinkes.
You made a choice to be together over a period of time to grow old together. Stop making excuses of what you have done to have caused this.
The reality as harsh as it sounds is your ex is not a nice person.
Crying, drinking, smoking are all things that many of us have gone through. Things like drinking may suppress feelings, block pain or temprarily forget the situation we are in but you know deep down that you will not be wanting to be drinking vodka every night as thats not an example you want to set to your children.
Smoking - i had given up for four years and started again. And every week i am trying to smoke less.
Crying - You still seem to think that if your ex came back everything would get back to normal. Be honest if someone else was putting the messages on this forum that you are would you be telling them to have ex back.
Your life will get better with this man out of your life. Not immediately but every day is day towards a time when you will be happier.
Don't bottle feelings in.
Try and be positive as tough as it may be. Every day try and think of something that you have done to cut ex loose. ie asking to collect fishing stuff.
Is there food that ex hates and you or children like? If there is have it for tea over weekend.
Lets start working on the robe. Does it have a belt? If it does put that bit in bin. or cut it up and put in bin. Or put in with fishing gear. Or come up with something else to do with it that will make us laugh.