Too sensitive for AIBU...

[fackinell]

...but very gently, am I?

I posted earlier about my fantastic DP on MC thread but actually, if I'm not wrong, he's being a bit of a shit tonight.

I'm threatening MC (no3) Loss of pg symptoms, bleeding and cramps yesterday but its calmed down today. DSD 17 was supposed to be with us Tues and fri but decided last minute not to (these are her scheduled days. Welcome any other time too but tends to stick to her usual times.)

At lunchtime I asked DP if we had any plans today and was relieved we didn't as I feel like shit and want to just veg. DSD text at teatime to say she would like to stay tonight instead as she missed her days. I said that I really wasn't feeling up to seeing anyone and would it be ok on this one occasion to say not tonight, sorry. I was very nice about it but it doesn't matter who it is, I'm not feeling up to seeing anyone. After a massive argument he has stormed out. I think he may have told his DD the truth which I am totally pissed off about as her mum's family have had a go at me before for daring to be pg! So as not to drip feed, she left him years before we met.

Now I feel even more shit and stressed as he is furious at me. Is it so wrong to need time and space given the circumstances? I didn't suggest she not come round yesterday (but as I was feeling rubbish I was relieved she didn't.) I don't mess with her usual days, I just needed to feel crap tonight with DP knowing the situation and not make small talk.

Be kind please. After saying how wonderful he is I'm now thinking LTB! I agree his DD should come first but not at the detriment to me if there's a genuine reason.

Urgh she is not a child. She's going to be allowed to vote in less than a year and can already drive if she wanted to! Teenagers, particularly girls gaaaa. I was a nightmare good for her to understand parents have needs too and not everything goes her way. It's just a night and a day she will survive.

Men do strange things when they are under stress. They react in ways we don't understand I think because they aren't good at saying they are struggling. This doesn't mean what he did to you was right but mc is just as hard on them and they too can feel like failures. He needs to come to terms with 3 mc as well. Hopefully things will improve when you spend some time with each other just enjoying each other, not agonising with ttc - very stressful on its own!

So sorry you have had this 3 times and right to get it all checked out down there. Plenty of women still having healthy babies in their 40s so there is no reason for the medical world to pull the age card on you.

Thanks Isetan and Living.
I have wondered about his parenting and told him he needn't think any of ours would grow up to demand and be entitled. The only two times he's pulled her up was when she was chewing gum loudly in his ear and when she was ordering Tshirts from the US and handed the laptop to him to 'put in his credit card details.' Ha!

The times I've wanted him to pull her up was the screaming and kicking the door time. (I told him this.) I wanted him to say to her, ' you owe Fack an apology, not only have you caused damage to the home but she heard every word you yelled, from the bedroom where she was MCing We'd love to see you again but you must apologise (we didn't see her for two weeks after and he didn't ask for an apology as he was scared she wouldn't come round again.)

Various other times she needed pulled up IMO were making him move along to the middle of the sofa so she didn't have to sit next to me. The time I asked him to see of she would help bring in a car load of shopping and she said no. I left him to do it himself and refused to make her dinner. When she refused to say thank you to my family for her christmas presents (didn't see her for a week,) The list is endless. I pick my battles though but he says his parenting is none of my business. She uses not seeing him as a 'punishment' for any attempts at parenting.

Well none of your business until it affects you. Which it does quite considerably. And negatively. In your own home particularly you are allowed to put your foot down!

I would have been so bollocked if I had behaved like that towards my stepdad it's just rude. I assume she's threatened by you but it is up to him to sort that out and communicate effectively with her, not ignore it and hope it will go away.

He can't buy her love. He will only regret his inability to parent later in life as it will lead to problems for her.

I've said that to him, actually. She is supposed to work a half day per week for him but rarely shows up, he will of course give her a glowing ref if required though. I said to him he is not preparing her for real life. You can't no show to work! I asked what kind of partner he thinks she will become for someone. No man will put up with strops and demands for long. We had a dinner party not long ago and I heard her yelling down the phone to him demanding a lift, immediately. He left our guests eating and they were a bit

It's not actually her fault IMO. She has been allowed to get away with this and assumes everyone is there to skivvy after her. I don't at all. I've left cups in her room until they mould, won't wash her bedding etc. she tells DP when it needs done and he jumps to it. Oh if only he'd do the same for me!

My DM would have dropped a bollock if I had acted like that. She was strict about chores and big on respect.

Oh and EPAC app booked for next week (if it lasts that long.) I wasn't tested for immune system issues so would need to go private for that.

Have you had your thyroid checked as well? That was my issue and it's an autoimmune one ofc. And defo is a miscarriage? :( you hear of so many success stories even with bleeding so just wondering if it's not too late for a bit of hope

It is his fault not hers you are right. If she's never been shown the way and knows she can exploit her dad then why wouldn't she continue (although it is the most awful way to treat someone). Can't imagine too many men putting up with that!

I haven't actually, we have thyroid issues in the family, thanks for that. I'm pretty sure it's a MC, still bleeding and I can feel the pull of it trying to come away. It's taking its time though...it would be nice to stay hopeful (MW says stop thinking it's a MC) but I'm being realistic to how it feels. I know it well by now, unfortunately.

Yes, I do feel sorry for him, I think she will look back one day and feel bad about it all. She has pretty low self esteem although she is gorgeous and slim. She has acne which makes her self conscious. She is popular and intelligent, I wish she could see what she has going for her. She worries about her weight but is only a 10-12. I told her I wish I was as fat as I was when I first thought I was fat!

Would definitely nag your gp for a blood test for your thyroid - they should check your TSH and T4. It was like waking up from a bad dream going on thyroid medication. I do hope you get some answers soon.

It's not easy being a teenager that's for sure. But it doesn't mean she can't be polite to you. Some of the behaviour seems 17 going on 5! To a certain extent she should know better. But your dh needs a bit of a kick as well. When it's in your home there are rules.

Oh and you may know this already but the ranges for TSH go up to 4 and anything over that they say is not good. In reality an awful lot of people suffer if it is above 2 and many fertility experts would also say it needs to be 2 or below. Frustratingly many doctors won't pescribe if it's in that range but it can have a huge impact. Sorry will stop derail!

What is TSH and T4? I haven't heard of it. What would be the symptoms of thyroid problems?

Cramps and bleeding have kicked in big style. Feel exhausted but it was worse not knowing so kind of relieved too. Going to have a crappy movie afternoon on the sofa.

Oh that's so rotten :( take good care of yourself and relax until it stops. Watch lots of crap tv and eat chocolate. And make sure your DH spoils you.

TSH and T4 are two of the main hormones they test for thyroid problems. I started getting mine checked because I was diagnosed bipolar and the medication can cause thyroid problems. Turns out I already had thyroid issues. There is also another one called T3 but not everywhere checks them as far as I can see - my doctors have always been focussed on the above two, which was what my fertility doctors also told me (I went and got tested for fertility problems).

There's two types, overactive (hyper) and underactive (hypo). Both equally unpleasant. I have the latter. I was permanently low, not depressed as with my bipolar but just a low feeling. I had no energy/lethargic and felt cold all the time. I struggled with weight for years and years despite being a regular half marathon runner and swimmer and eating properly. I also BALLOONED I am not kidding you. Nothing fitted me at all. By the time my thyroid completely conked out I had shot up two dress sizes in a month. I couldn't concentrate properly and again at my worst I was barely able to move and get out of bed. Work was awful. I stuffed up a big interview because I couldn't even get words out of my mouth properly.

Overactive thyroid is where you are super skinny and you can start getting unexplained tremors. It's really not very nice either.

And both seriously mess with your fertility. My gynaecologist told me it was a hidden cause of many miscarriages but the problem is it goes undiagnosed so often despite how common it is.

Check these sites out:

www.btf-thyroid.org/
www.thyroiduk.org.uk/tuk/index.html
www.nhs.uk/conditions/Thyroid-under-active/Pages/Introduction.aspx
www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Thyroid-over-active/Pages/Introduction.aspx

Oh with working links

www.btf-thyroid.org/
www.thyroiduk.org.uk/tuk/index.html
www.nhs.uk/conditions/Thyroid-under-active/Pages/Introduction.aspx
www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Thyroid-over-active/Pages/Introduction.aspx

I am a bit evangelical about it and am always suggesting people to get tested! Particuarly wary about the 2-4 range of TSH. There's some campaigning where I live (Netherlands) to reduce the range but nothing as yet sadly.

Thanks for the links, Living, shall check those out. It's definitely no over active with me I am a bit overweight but that's because I'm a greedy bugger.

That sounds bloody awful for you. I hope it's stabilised now.

Doll, when I actually read it back in your words it does sound so much worse. I just kind of get used to it and nothing really surprised me any more.

Oh I would have been pissed off if like your DP, he just turned up with DSD. I think because its part of their immediate family they don't see the need for privacy. I've not known DSD that long, although this is completely her home, to me her being around changes the dynamic, when I'm Ill. have you had success since?

Oooh congratulations! really, really happy for you!

I am sorry for causing a domestic issue though

Well I reckon baby has just passed through. Hard to tell really but if not it's lining and not far behind. I've given in and taken an antihistamine. I get really bad allergic symptoms when pregnant. My asthma has been worse too. There's nothing I can do now but look after myself. Will test to make sure before we go on holiday and then I'm getting ratarsed! And given the circumstances I KNOW that's not U!

I will Doll, thank you. Some time out not TTC of being PG will be good for us. I have a load of work on for the coming few months and then we will think again about it all.

I asked my OH the OP as if it was me. He said he would tell them "sorry, nice idea but not a good idea at the moment" and he agreed with me, unusual circumstances that people need to live with.

Fakin :( how are you this morning?

A break from it all sounds excellent.

I am sure I read somewhere that if you get lots of allergies when pg to check for auto immune problems. There is a lovely thread on the mc section of mn for ladies who have had recurrent problems so may be worth dropping in to get some advice and support there as they are so knowledgeable

Confuddled, I think your DP's approach to it is much fairer. Some men get so blinded by putting their DC first all the time, especially if their OH is a SM. We are told all the time that children come first, but like someone said before, this was a want not a need.

I feel like crap, Living. Bleeding a fair bit and could sleep for a week. Helping DP until 2, with his business, then I'll rest up. It's nothing strenuous, just taking enquiries
and booking in jobs. To make it worse, I had a dream about having a two yr old daughter, she kept giving me hugs and kisses. I often have these dreams and someone always comes along and tells me I'm not their mum and takes them away. That didn't happen in this one, my DM kept saying 'of course she's yours, silly,' woke up deflated.

You know, I actually wondered about my allergies and why my body was responding that way. I get really itchy eyes, sneezing, skin irritations and recurrent thrush. After hol I will look into booking an appointment with a specialist. No NHS referrals fir immune issues. I told MW to see if there as anything I could take but their wasn't. She didn't seem concerned so I wasn't. Interesting...

. Look after yourself and try not to do too much yikes! I sound like my Mum
Hope you feel better soon