Too sensitive for AIBU...

[fackinell]

...but very gently, am I?

I posted earlier about my fantastic DP on MC thread but actually, if I'm not wrong, he's being a bit of a shit tonight.

I'm threatening MC (no3) Loss of pg symptoms, bleeding and cramps yesterday but its calmed down today. DSD 17 was supposed to be with us Tues and fri but decided last minute not to (these are her scheduled days. Welcome any other time too but tends to stick to her usual times.)

At lunchtime I asked DP if we had any plans today and was relieved we didn't as I feel like shit and want to just veg. DSD text at teatime to say she would like to stay tonight instead as she missed her days. I said that I really wasn't feeling up to seeing anyone and would it be ok on this one occasion to say not tonight, sorry. I was very nice about it but it doesn't matter who it is, I'm not feeling up to seeing anyone. After a massive argument he has stormed out. I think he may have told his DD the truth which I am totally pissed off about as her mum's family have had a go at me before for daring to be pg! So as not to drip feed, she left him years before we met.

Now I feel even more shit and stressed as he is furious at me. Is it so wrong to need time and space given the circumstances? I didn't suggest she not come round yesterday (but as I was feeling rubbish I was relieved she didn't.) I don't mess with her usual days, I just needed to feel crap tonight with DP knowing the situation and not make small talk.

Be kind please. After saying how wonderful he is I'm now thinking LTB! I agree his DD should come first but not at the detriment to me if there's a genuine reason.

[BrandNewIggi]

My suggestions :
a) LTB
b) spend some time on yourself, health, job etc.
c) when you least expect it, fall in love with genuinely nice bloke.
d) have testing done re rmc (and join a thread on here for support)
e) have baby.

[BrandNewIggi]

Sorry, have just realised your mc is not confirmed, so really hope that this one will still work out for you.
Rest of advice still stands!

[fackinell]

My list is pretty much the same ATM, Brand!

One of my best mates is moving back to London from Canada. I've just suggested there 'may be' a roomie scenario here but I'm not promising... I think it would be nice for DP and DSD to get their old dynamic back. He can see all his Stepkids that wouldn't come round after I came along and he can think of dating in a few years when DSD is older and wiser.

I've felt stifled living in the sticks after years in the city. I would miss my family but they love to visit. Littlest Hobo may be on the move again...

[fackinell]

Brand, it's in the post.

No more Dads from now on!

[fifi669]

Lots of moments in GOT too! Lots of bloody violence and more nudity and sexual scenes than you can shake a stick at!

[fackinell]

Ooh er, missus!! For some reason I thought it was a medieval thing.

[fifi669]

It is! But still very rude.

[fackinell]

Shall check it out

[Aroundtheworldandback]

Themidwife even if dsd would have made tea she is NOT her daughter! Why pretend that she is? You can't force a maternal bond when there isn't one, only be kind, caring and respectful whilst expecting the same.

[themidwife]

Then there's no future if this is not the case is there?

[fackinell]

Oh I'm definitely caring towards her but no, I don't see her as a daughter. She has a mum. I'd hoped at best we'd be friends, at worst that she could tolerate me politely.

Thing that makes me laugh is that the affair guy that her DM went off with left for a while, got married, had a kid then went back to the ex (DSD's mum.) now her mum won't let her partners child in their home, if he wants to see him he has to take him out. If I ever treated her child like that she'd drop a bollock. Quite rightly too.

They have nothing on me, even DSD said, when asked, that I had never so much as had a cross word to say to her. She didn't know why she didn't like me (this was after the door kicking episode.) she left in tears after he told her that it was her mum's choice to leave him and did she not think he had a right to be happy?

Bleeding stopped again. No cramps now. No idea what is going on. Midwife?

Got some more tests but we haven't really spoken. Frosty towers in here today. Can't bring myself to have a chat tbh.

[themidwife]

Have you phoned your local early pregnancy assessment unit? How many weeks are you? They're usually open Monday to Friday so ring them tomorrow at 9am if you haven't already & they can do an early scan. Bleeding doesn't always mean a miscarriage but with your history I guess you have to be suspicious. I hope things works out

[flippinada]

So sorry about your threatened miscarraige fackinhell

Speaking as a stepdaughter, I don't think YABU at all (tbf I'd say that even if I wasn't).

I was horrified reading about your StepD's behaviour (and her Dads) - kicking the door in and not apologising (!!) is appalling and goes some way beyond normal stroppy teen behaviour.

However, it sounds like her behaviour is bad because that's what is modelled to her by her parents....and his family don't sound up to much either.

Best of luck to you whatever happens .

[fackinell]

I'm 5+4. I haven't called as they recommend waiting until 7-8wks regardless as they won't see a HB. The advice last time was test a few days after bleeding and see if it's positive. I've had no clots, just red blood spotting. Day one looked like it was the start of a period but tailed off again. Cramps come and go but bearable and not as bad as the times before. My allergies are still bad (that goes after MC) back still painful but boobs not sore now.

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

Why does he always invite his daughter round when you are miscarrying? That just seems so hurtful unless he feels another woman would support you?

[fackinell]

Thanks Flip, his family are lovely apart from his SM. they're pretty well to do and did not approve of his marriage. SM is a crashing snob who loves to put me down. I'm a match for her though! His Dad is lovely and so are his siblings.

They were horrified when he got together with his ex, twice married, much older with 2 kids by 2 dads, none of who saw or paid for them (poor woman) and after a meal ticket (their opinion not mine!) I get on great with them all and they see that I pay my way. I don't have two kids to feed of course. I'm sure that wasn't her motive at all but that was their opinion.

[fackinell]

I don't know, Toffee. I did ask but he said he wasn't aware of it and I was being silly. I think he knows that type of support wouldn't be forthcoming. She didn't even know the second time,

[flippinada]

My apologies, I got confused when reading about the stepson (the one who was jailed) - he's your DPs stepson, so he is his exes son - have I got that right?

It sounds like the problem regarding your StepD is to do with your DPs and his Exes parenting, which doesn't sound great.

[Onesiegoddess]

Sorry if I've missed, but how many weeks are you?

[Onesiegoddess]

Really feeling for you. I bled with all mine and with the M/C. They could do an internal scan soon. The 7+ weeks scan will be external. Also they should be able to measure your bloods now and see if the hormones increase at the correct rate.

[fackinell]

Yes Flip, the exes son was jailed.
He's also the one who hammered on our window and tried to get in the house. Given his actions that night, I'm not surprised the woman's house that he broke into and raped still can't work due to agoraphobia.

[fackinell]

Onesie, I'm 5+4. The last time the wouldn't see me until after I'd MC'd. My womb was empty by then. I was 8wks first time and 5 the next. I'll wait and see what happens but the cramps are back with a vengeance. No more now, I'm 42 and 3 attempts is enough. I have lots of other things I'd like to do. Can't have everything, it's my fault for waiting this long but I had some real bad luck in relationships and wouldn't go there with any of them.

[fackinell]

Oh and the test line was so faint yesterday. Less so than last Sundays BFP. That can't bode well...

[BrunoBrookesDinedAlone]

The thing I can't get past in your posts is your 'D' P's attitude towards his stepson.

I am appalled, absolutely open-mouthed at the fact that he brought him into your home in the way he did, and 'He didn't do it anyway' ?! - I think we all know how difficult it is to get a rape conviction and I assume that there is NO possible way in which he 'didn't do it', yes?

That is something I could not overlook. What that says about his sense of right and wrong is horrific. And maybe - as you intimate - his past parenting.

I really hope you move on. You are, in a nutshell, far far too good for this guy.

I'm very sorry that things are not looking good with the pregnancy and I hope you are ok.

[EmmaFreudsGivingMeJip]

I really hope you move on. You are, in a nutshell, far far too good for this guy.
I agree wholeheartedly with Bruno. You deserve more.