Too sensitive for AIBU...

[fackinell]

...but very gently, am I?

I posted earlier about my fantastic DP on MC thread but actually, if I'm not wrong, he's being a bit of a shit tonight.

I'm threatening MC (no3) Loss of pg symptoms, bleeding and cramps yesterday but its calmed down today. DSD 17 was supposed to be with us Tues and fri but decided last minute not to (these are her scheduled days. Welcome any other time too but tends to stick to her usual times.)

At lunchtime I asked DP if we had any plans today and was relieved we didn't as I feel like shit and want to just veg. DSD text at teatime to say she would like to stay tonight instead as she missed her days. I said that I really wasn't feeling up to seeing anyone and would it be ok on this one occasion to say not tonight, sorry. I was very nice about it but it doesn't matter who it is, I'm not feeling up to seeing anyone. After a massive argument he has stormed out. I think he may have told his DD the truth which I am totally pissed off about as her mum's family have had a go at me before for daring to be pg! So as not to drip feed, she left him years before we met.

Now I feel even more shit and stressed as he is furious at me. Is it so wrong to need time and space given the circumstances? I didn't suggest she not come round yesterday (but as I was feeling rubbish I was relieved she didn't.) I don't mess with her usual days, I just needed to feel crap tonight with DP knowing the situation and not make small talk.

Be kind please. After saying how wonderful he is I'm now thinking LTB! I agree his DD should come first but not at the detriment to me if there's a genuine reason.

It works both ways fackinell though. If she doesn't respect you, treats you badly and doesn't want much to be involved she will have to accept being a bit less involved than maybe she would like and that will include being a bit less involved with her dad. He can't expect to bring volatility into your home just now. You can offer things to dsd and she can refuse them but she'll have to deal with the consequences of that which include not being welcome tonight.

Some mixed views here and I can see both sides (a bit.) thanks for all feedback and sorry for all the losses you've had.

Well he's home but has taken himself off to the other room. Didn't really speak much but seems to have calmed down.

I've always gone along with the DSD comes first rule as I couldn't be bear a man that didn't out his kids first, except in extraordinary circumstances. He is very much a parent of the Disney variety and I keep my mouth shut about a lot. I don't think it's healthy to spoil a child. If we do get to keep this one it's going to be very good cop, bad cop, as I prefer my DM's style of parenting. She can still shut me up with a look at 42

And although I can see why you don't want her told and to therefore be on pins waiting for her possible bad reaction I think she deserves the truth so she can fully appreciate the situation including the opportunity to reflect on the fact her reaction last time made you afraid of her.

For Fucks sake,you are completely within your rights to want peace and quiet.I sent my biological dc to my df's while I was losing my baby.Tell your dp to get a fucking grip and support you through this.I'm sorry your going through this fackinell x x x

Offred, I definitely wasn't afraid of her but I take your point about her not wanting to be involved, perhaps. I was not short off of dragging myself out of my bed to give her a stern taking to, though.

He does odd things like will text me something meant for her then saying 'oops, can you forward that on to her.' I tell him I don't have her no but inside I'm thinking, stop pushing! Let us get along in our own way and in our own time. He will also ask me to go into her room and wake her. I'd be pissed off at that if I were her. I already have a problem that he doesn't knock and wait to be asked in. She's 17 FGS!

I am wondering where dp is in all this. You're the poster obvs but it seems you are taking a lot of the emotional burden and although he is in the middle he is not behaving particularly strongly and certainly not strongly enough.

Thanks, Have. This must be good therapy, I feel loads better and no cramps! I did a test and the positive is just as faint as Sunday's one. I know the hormones are still in my blood but I'd hoped for a stronger line.

I won't forget his behaviour tonight...it may change our future now. I may have to face never being a mum but I can cope with that more than having a kid with someone who doesn't support me in a crisis!

I agree, Offred. He's not being supportive. He's gone off for a bath now. At least it's peaceful, just me and the cat.

:( That's incredibly shit. :(

Do you have an appointment at EPAU? It's the waiting and wondering that's the worst bit.Again,sorry your going through this,get snuggled up with a hot drink and some crap telly x x

And the cat!

I'm hoping that his behaviour can be explained by him being upset, not knowing how to support you and feeling guilty about it. Otherwise he is a shit.

I haven't bother EPAC yet as they're probably sick of my face!
Have scan on 6th Feb but if I bleed heavy I will test and let them know the result. I know the drill now, they can do very little apart from scan and be kind. At 5+4 they won't see a heartbeat anyway,

You are in no way being unreasonable in any way!

She isn't a baby she is nearly an adult and perfectly capable of holding off on one visit.

I really feel for you and your DH sounds awful actually.

You matter. You count ! You are in turmoil physically and mentally. You need support and some time out at the very least!

Am keeping everything crossed for you.I hope your DP sorts himself out and soon.His dd is old enough to understand that she doesn't come first all the time.

When I was in the early stages of a MC at eleven weeks, we sent DD (2) off to Grandmas with an overnight bag. There was no possible way at all that we could have gone through all of that and take care of her.

Even if she were older I couldnt have handled her being there in the house at the same time.

OP you are DNBU for wanting to be alone or just you and DP at this moment in time.

Cat buggered off out

He doesn't really seem affected, just says its one of those things. His ExW aborted two of his babies (one as they had just met and one because she was leaving him) so I think he's desensitised to it.

Op im really sorry, you step daughter at 17 is old enough to understand that right now you dont feel like seeing anyone. Your dh is being an arse

Thanks again all

If it goes pear shaped I am so having a sleepover at DM's and a good old wine fest!! I'll take the cat too, he loves his 'Gran's' and DP misses him. Best way to freak him out cos then I'm SERIOUS!!

He doesn't need to be personally affected if that's his position on it but it is worrying if he can't take care of you, his partner, who IS obviously very personally affected.

It has made me wonder a few times why his wife left...maybe she felt unsupported too.

Is it not your DSD's home too? Sorry but I think YABU.

Might get flamed here but I suspect everyone who is saying YABU haven't gone through a MC.