How do we all cope with the mundanity of very long term relationships?

[Mintyy]

I have been with dh since 1991, married in 1994.

He is fabulous in many ways. Infuriating in many ways. And also has things about him that I would not tolerate in anyone else, but then anyone else is not the father of my beloved dc.

I sincerely wonder about the next 20-30 years. I'm not sure I can put up with sharing my life and being answerable to someone for all that time! I think I'd like to live on my own, but is that unrealistic? Would I be lonely?

I guess this is classic mid life crisis.

Notjustacigar - Bonsoir often has an extremely surprising take on things I'll grant you! (long time Mnetter and namechanger here). I agree, ridiculous comment.

Noddy - So sorry for what you have been through. I'm so glad you've had support and love from your dp throughout.

clothes can be a symbol though. imagine your mil buying your dp's clothes for him when he's an adult. it's not the clothes, it's not allowing him to grow up. your clothes is an outward expression of who you are.

taking a stand on that was a big deal.

it's not the clothes. it's stopping the control exerted by mil.

your clothes are are are

Thank you alifelived :). Tbh I would be more concerned about getting involved with someone whose mum still bought his clothes! It indicates not only a pushy overbearing mother but a man who hasn't taken control of his own life.

Hi Alifelivedforwards Nice new NN Am wondering if I know you ? How are things?

I'm a bit fed up with my LTR this morning (he's just cycled off to work after a slightly stressy morning) - but other stuff is probably contributing to that such as post Christmas finances, job seeking, and it's a pig of a day here - really grey and drizzly - the sort of day when I doubt the sun will bother coming up much at all

Sorry, I didn't mean to be so miserable, especially when others have such courage x

Oh Juggling, I'm having a pig of a week too and things with dh feel quite shit. It scares me sometimes. And we actually get on and still have a laugh (not this week but usually!), go out etc. It's still so hard. Moan moan moan....

No I don't actually 'know' you but totes recognise your name .

Noddy - God yes, that would be massively weird if dh's mum bought his clothes. Or if anyone other than him bought his clothes actually, including me other than the odd gift! My stepmum buys my dad's clothes and is always smoothing him down in front of everyone. How infantilising!

Glad it's not just me ALifeLived Time for a night out perhaps? Might that help?

mintyy, you need a shed.

Or you need to encourage your DH to get a shed and use it, while you have the lovely warm house.

I've been married for a decade. Twice. This time around, I'm quite enjoying the mundanity. I'm finding it rather comfortable. It certainly beats fear and hatred. DH and I have the same need for our own head space and can quite contentedly spend an evening in the same room, but getting on with our own thing. I think it helps that we have a well matched need for solitude.

Just come back to this thread and seen it is now about Clothes. Oh dear, and I am sitting here wearing MIL's clothes that she left when she went into the nursing home 5 years ago.

Can we perhaps just agree that clothes are a potent symbol for some people and less important for others? Just like some people give an almost religious significance to preparing food and others (including some very creative people) hardly notice what they eat at all. Some people (particularly from my culture) need constant communion with nature to function at all, others are happy never stepping outside an urban environment.

For the record, I did buy a business suit the other week and wore it at work one day. Didn't notice it made much difference to the quality of my thinking tbh. A strong cup of black coffee seems to have more effect on me.

I don't get worked up too much about clothes either Cory. And even less so with my DH's clothes.

I don't like some of the things he chooses to wear- he buys expensive, good quality clothes- gant, churches shoes, etc but not in the colours that I prefer. But he's quite a "creative" person and I know his choices are part of who he is. I wouldn't change that even if I think he looks like a clown sometimes

Omg LaQueeen, PSML at your husband and his (step?) father wearing identical M&S cashmere V-necks at family occassions!

Lol ..I gave my dad (73) a jumper for Christmas and my mum gave exactly the same one to dh. So yes, there will come a day when dh and my dad will be sat on a sofa looking like Tweedledum and Tweedledee. Dh isn't remotely interested in clothes though. Unless they're for cycling

"8 years ago the same sort of game plan would have taken months my planting seeds, discussing, turning the thing around, letting DP go off and do his own rubbish research and then discussing my ideas with the DC while forgetting the details!"

Bonsoir - perhaps that's because, 8 years ago, your DP had barely left his wife for you - maybe he wanted to see how things panned out before letting you take over running the family life? It can't have been easy for your DSSs at that time!

As for throwing all of his clothes away - oh my. That's clearly nuts! But perhaps you were trying to get rid of his ex's influence and style. After all, I think you have very different styles.

Agree Marie that is beyond what is acceptable really

I don't know what Marie is referencing anyway since DP are soon to celebrate our 12th anniversary and DD will be 10 this year. And she cannot possibly know anything at all about the circumstances in which I met my DP anyway.

Fictional digs by unknown posters are the stuff of saddo weirdos (of which of course there are plenty on MN).

It's probably just stuff from what you've posted yourself over the years, Bonsoir, I wouldn't worry. I must admit that I took you to be referencing your DP leaving his first family when you were talking earlier about chucking out old stuff for a new life.

I heartily wish my DP would get rid of some of his (perfectly nice) clothes- he could rival Princess Diana's wardrobe the size of two terraced houses. If he lives to be ninety, he could never wear it all.

Do you have the same problem LaQ, when it comes to getting rid of stuff with paint on it/holes in it- the old "It'll do for round the house/decorating/some other unspecified task which apparently requires dressing like a hurricane victim"?

No, nothing whatsoever to do with former lives! I'm a permanent declutterer and makeover-er (?) as I (as explained above) have great faith in the ability of physical change to promote mental change.

DP went away for a few days this week and came back to a surprise bathroom makeover. This is supposed to promote changed habits too.