How do we all cope with the mundanity of very long term relationships?

[Mintyy]

I have been with dh since 1991, married in 1994.

He is fabulous in many ways. Infuriating in many ways. And also has things about him that I would not tolerate in anyone else, but then anyone else is not the father of my beloved dc.

I sincerely wonder about the next 20-30 years. I'm not sure I can put up with sharing my life and being answerable to someone for all that time! I think I'd like to live on my own, but is that unrealistic? Would I be lonely?

I guess this is classic mid life crisis.

Do the shelves yourself, LaQ! I imagine you as very precise so I reckon you would probably be good at woodwork.

Ha. It's the grim expression, isn't it? My dh can DO shelves etc perfectly well but he's very martyred while doing it.
At the weekend we had lunch with one of his colleagues who does all his own plumbing because he's a professor of fluid mechanics.

DP has two childhood friends who are doctors, one a surgeon. They are absolutely brilliant at DIY and have been ever since they were children. During the week they pull people apart and rebuild them, during the weekend they pull their homes apart and rebuild them.

I don't watch admiringly, I just do tea and sympathy afterwards while he says what a bad job he's done (and actually it is usually absolutely fine).

I think we cope with the mundane because it is punctuated by a bit of black humour. This morning dd's alarm was buzzing (it doesn't usually because she likes getting up in the quiet of the house - strange teenager). DH got grumbly nd then said, "get up and check in case she's not well" so I stumbled out and was told mid groan "oh, what I was dreaming there was a fire alarm" stumbled back to bed and DH rolled over and his knee hit my nose accidentally and there was some mewling and then some sharp words and he told me not to make a fuss "of course I'm making a fuss it **ing hurt you prat". It did too. DD heard it all, she's told all her friends - it was hilarious apparently; she'll relate to dad whn he gets in and we'll laugh again.

Amazing what the mundane does in the end but all part of the rich tapestry of family life.

Oh and LaQueen - my DH doesn't have tools (we have a screwdriver and a hammer but only for hanging pictures) apart from that we have a Mark :)

There should have been a full stop after that agree! I was agreeing with laq NOT Marie Hopemthats clear

Bonsoir - do you have any decluttering tips? DH and DD1 are hoarders and it is driving me NUTS! (They are both pretty good at DIY though.)

My parents just had their 38th wedding anniversary. I jokingly said to my mum, aren't you bored of him yet? She said "no. He's very annoying sometimes but I never get bored of him. That's why I married him - with all my other boyfriends I'd rather have been at home sewing after a couple of hours with them."

I think there are some people who you can just be with really easily, and it's never awkward or boring. I've been with DH 10 years but it always feels like it's only been about 18 months for some reason Whenever we start feeling bored with life, we tend to assume it's because we, as individuals, are not doing enough interesting stuff and it's time to try something new. Hey presto, everyone's happier and more energised and bringing something new and interesting to the relationship. I think it's when you start to look within and at your relationship to be fulfilling your every need that you start to get angsty and bored with it.

My best decluttering tip is to lead by example . If you want to get other people to meet high standards (in anything), you had better meet them yourself first.

And if you are really much better than them (at anything), you can teach them. And, as we all know, teaching is not the same as nagging, yelling or doing it for them...