I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

That's the spirit!

Seriously!

He has NO RIGHT to treat you like this.

I've pulled sofa bed out and I'm going up now to put ds in cot and tell dh he can have sofa bed.

Goodness knows what's going on in his mind. I find him infuriating. Wish he had the guts to just say he hates his life with me rather than these games.

He knows if he gets away its back to mil house, and she will be so happy to have him home. She's welcome to him. I feel destroyed.

Let him fuck off there then, please!

My XH went back to Mummy and I have had no peep out of him since.

Obviously, you will have more difficulty with this but believe me, a man who doesn't help is like having an extra two children.

Your life will improve drastically without his presence in it. It really will.

Kick him the fuck out!

So what if he doesn't want to say he "left". Do you really give a shit about the opinions of people who don't even want to be in your life anyway?

I just don't understand why he came back on Saturday. He clearly does not want to be here and that would have been the perfect opportunity to go?

SS would be forced to help you more with him gone.
Plus he wouldn't get to veto respite for YOU as HE wants to do all injections. Which is seriously off too.

He's been tormenting you all this time so that you'll break and tell him to go.

He's a coward, a weakling and wants the easy way out. Let him go, you'd be much better off without him!

Dear Hedge I am so very sorry everything's hitting you at once.
And, guess what, I'm absolutely delighted you've "woken up"!
I do believe you'll find it easier to put support in place, easier to sort out your finances, easier to sleep and everything ... without him.
It won't be a bed of roses. It isn't now, is it?! At least you'll have one less drain on your resources.
xx

Gobby - Hedge is now doing the jabs since he went back to work. She really doesn't need him for anything.

Hedge, once you get rid of that car and the person that drives it you will have enough money to pay for a personal assistant to help you and the dcs. You will be £300 a month better off, instantly. It is highly likely that a call to one of the government recommended debt agencies will put your debt repayments on hold as well and that will release all of the dcs benefit to be used for the correct purpose.

:) Let him go.

Hedge, sleep on the sofa bed yourself tonight.
Don't risk things getting out of hand again like they did before.
I am hoping both you and H are safe right now.

Tomorrow or Friday you can tell him your marriage is over and he needs to leave. No discussion. No bargaining. Tell him to pack his things and go to his mother, where he will be much happier.

(And please don't keep on thinking that 'normal life' has no problems.
Also, stop wasting your energy thinking how unfair it is that none of your family will help you. It is what it is and now you have to work around that fact.)

Dh apologised this morning. He said he really did feel very unwell suddenly

He has said he will book three days holiday one so that I can have a proper rest and another to do one day where we have a hospital appt and three physio appts and then to help me get up to dds appt at gosh as getting train is absolute hell with all dcs.
Whether or not this actually happens is another thing. If he comes home today and has booked the days off I might be inclined to believe he is making an effort but to be honest I think he's just saying it to keep me quiet this morning so he could get out to work with no argument about last night.

Maybe I'm wrong but I doubt it.

Either way I'm carrying out sorting out what I can. Found out that dd1 should have 48 taxi card trips not 24 as if you don't have a blue badge you get double taxi card trips and as dds bb was taken when her dla was lowered (unfair I thought) she should get more trips which would help me a lot. To be honest all dcs are always together so if we go anywhere in dh car we already have the others blue badges so can use any of them as they are all in the car. The taxi card trips are worth far more.especially until I can sort out driving lessons.

My provisional has run out so need to get that re done, I need another eye test and to sort out my migraines, if I do all that then when I'm ok I can book lessons. I was wondering if that's something I could use the carers allowance for or is that not really allowed?

My eye feels a bit better today and the swelling looks better, if I can just avoid getting more migraines I should feel ok, it's quite bright today and that seems to trigger it so I'm looking for some sunglasses!

Just got some good news, the pre school have said its fine for dd key worker to babysit for us outside of pre school hours so at least if I occasionally need help I have someone who is trained in how to care for dd, check her, treat hypo etc and dd really likes her.

Very convenient unwellness there, isn't it?
Honestly, and I say this with 3 kids with disabilities, he is a dead weight you do not need.

I think it's perfectly ok to use your allowance for lessons, since it will benefit the dc.

Great news on the key worker.

But, Hedge, please, please consider dropping him. Please. He won't get better.

I've been reading your problems for a while, and was unsure as to what advice (if any) I could give.
I think the most constructive thing you could do is separate from your husband. Not necessarily for ever, but to give you some breathing space, and hopefully to kick him up the arse. Stop paying the loan if the bank won't negotiate. They will threaten to take you to court, but should accept reduced terms if you play hardball. Let 'D'H pay for his own car.
I wish you and your DC well. I hope (in the best possible way) that this is the last of this type of thread we see from you.

So, he feels unwell and takes to his bed. You are on your knees and just have to deal with it?!

He's a horror. You deserve better.

That's good news Hedge, so you've got someone to care for dcs when you have an appointment, this will means it will be easier for you to get around.

You can use carer's allowance for whatever you want to. Only the DLA has to be used to benefit the children.

Taxis are going to be much more useful to you at the moment, as I said, getting everyone out of the car and into the building is a pain.

You really are better off leaving the other dcs at home with a carer/pa and taking the one dc with you that has the appointment.

It's also a lot of stress for the other dcs to keep going to all these appointments together. Although learning to drive is useful, having help with the others at home is going to be far more beneficial.

This thread is coming to an end, you need to start a new one.

You are doing brilliantly, and your attitude to DH is changing, you seem to be less dependent of him now. Well done.

Good lord, Hedge, you're a genius when you get going

Fantastic news about the taxi cards! You can basically get a cab whenever you need to go anywhere :) It's still a good idea to pass your test, of course, as this will enable you to go further, take unscheduled trips, and so on.

Great news about key worker babysitting, too!

It looks like you know your H well He really doesn't want to be seen as abandoning his family's needs, does he? Tough luck, I say! I agree with horse that a hired assistant will be a hell of a lot more help than he is - and you're more likely to be able to afford one if you separate.

Here's the link again for Step Change, the official free debt service. They used to be called CCCS. They can get your interest frozen and your payments reduced. Give them a call anyway, their number is 0800 138 1111 (free to call.)

I hope you feel a bit better today. Do prioritise rest for yourself, any time when the DC are all quiet.

Looking forward to your next thread

Will try and start a new one in a bit.

Dd2 poorly today so really busy, she's having a sleep at the moment.

I'm a bit confused why your DH is 'helping' you to take all 4 dcs to your DDs appt. Wouldn't it be much better for one of you to go to appt and one to stay with other 3 dcs. If I were you I would trying to divide and rule when you can iyswim.

Its up in London, I can't manage going up there on my own with her so we both need to go (dd faints, I have problems with anxiety so need another adult) ideally just dh and I would take her but we have difficulties with childcare for the other dcs.

If I stay at home with other dcs and dh takes dd he will forget to mention things or ask questions, even if I write them down so I always try to go.

Can't your DH take her on his own?

Sorry, you said why not. Bit lame of him, though.