I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

I agree with BillyBanter and comedycentral. The op should not go to the police that is up to her husband.

If the OP's husband came here and told us this I would tell him to phone the police. I would be working under the assumption that his DW would do it again at some point, and would caution against listening to any promises from her not to do it again.

In this instance the OP clearly doesn't want to do it again and wants to find a way to prevent it. Going to the police herself is not necessarily the best way for her to resolve her issues.

I honestly believe that if violence enters a relationship, that relationship should end. It is never ok to hit someone. You don't hit people you love.

oh, so it's ok to abuse your partner if it's only once?

I suppose the difference is that if the average man punched the average woman repeatedly, she wouldn't be walking out of the house, calmly or otherwise.

However, I would be advising the op's partner to go to the police if he was on here asking for advice.

If you husband had repeatedly punched you I would tell you to contact the police and someone who can assist to to support you to escape domestic violence for good as a man who does this to you cannot ever be trusted again.

I would give the same advice to your husband .

Well what usually happens now is that we advise:

the abused partner to call Women's Aid and the police,

to photograph any bruising they may have, and visit their GP. get it all on record in case it's needed in court,

to either leave the house or to change the locks so that the abuser cannot get back in,

to pack up their stuff and ask a third party to hand it over to the abuser, and to make it clear to the abuser that they are to have no further contact with the abused, lest they try to kill them.

advise the abused to go about separating any accounts they may have together and to protect their own financial position

advise the abused to go to a family lawyer to make sure the abuser does not have access to the children on account of their violent and volatile history.

So a good start might be to print out all of those, give them to your DH, and for you to pack a bag and go to your parents house.

OP could u give us some more details?

I dont think going to police is the answer. Medical help is.

No not Ok at all. But I am a very gentle person and never harmed a fly. If I hurt my partner or children I would say its because my mental state had altered dramatically and I would need help immediately. I would be happy to be prosecuted later but my mental health would need support.

Tell your dh to post on here for advice.

You need help, go to your gp and tell them exactly what happened.

Where is your dh? Is he ok? Because really, as you know, he will need help too, if you beat him up he may be physically hurt, maybe mentally scarred and emotionally traumatized. You need to do anything you have to do to help him now. If that means be we seeing him again then you need to do that.

He was not aggressive at all. He isn't like that.

We had argued about lots of things after a night of no sleep (again), things just spiralled out of control, I can't go into too much detail as I've NC so as not to be identified as I'm ashamed of myself.
There are very stressful issues in our lives which are a factor but that's not an excuse. I've never been violent to him ever before. He didn't hit back he just left the house.

I don't know what to do. Gp not open till Monday.

Mads thats what we usually advise when were speaking to a victim. Were speaking to the abuser. So lets advise the abuser.

oh, so it's ok to abuse your partner if it's only once?

Not one person on here has suggested it's even the tiniest bit ok that she did this.

There will be an out of houra service. I think you should stay somewhere else tonight. Friends hotel etc

Cogito just because the man is likely to be bigger and stronger it is not a defence or a justification.

You don't know what to do. Ok:

Leave the house. Pack a bag and go. He deserves to live without the person who abused him.

Tell him you're going and tell him to contact the police and report you since you won't do it yourself.

That's for a start.

Then leave him alone. It's up to him to decide where to go from here though I would say that usually once is never once.

I am advising the abuser. She asked what she could do to make sure it doesn't happen again. So I'm telling her.

Even the op knows to hit is not on that is why she has posted.

She needs to keep away from her husband.
Go to the gp for a referral.
Try to keep calm.
And not contact the police, as stated that is up to her husband.

I don't even know if he will come back. Should I phone him? I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry and I feel so guilty. I don't know why I did it I just snapped. We had argued and I felt overwhelmed. I needed him to do something to help me this morning and he said no and then I just snapped.

I would advise OP's partner to report the assault to the police. Perhaps he will.

I would advise OP to prepare herself for a possible visit from the police as she may be arrested.

Regarding the actual question in the OP, What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again I would suggest that you remain separated for now, until you can be sure that you won't do this again.

You need counselling for yourself to find out why you behave like this.

BillyBanter - I was actually responding to your comment:
In this instance the OP clearly doesn't want to do it again and wants to find a way to prevent it. Going to the police herself is not necessarily the best way for her to resolve her issues.

But if that's not what you meant to come across then I apologise, I thought you were suggesting that because the OP didn't intend on doing it again then there was no point reporting the crime that had already been committed.

I can't just pack and leave as dcs are here and unless he comes back I couldn't just go.

Were your children present in the home when you beat their father?