I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

Whatever happens re. the car; let your MIL go right on thinking that, Hedgehog. In fact, given his track record with his family, it's a shame you can't let your dh continue to think that also.

Well you are right it has to 'benefit the disabled person' and that's your children. You have no obligation to lend your car to anyone else. If she could take you to an appointment that would be permitted or if she was doing your family shopping for you.

If you get free tax anyway you are just as well off with a small second hand car as a brand new motability one.

For a family of your size it's a perfectly reasonable car. Practical, not flashy and much cheaper than similar cars.

From what I gather OP is paying £500 a month for it, considering you can pick up older but perfectly fine Kia Sedonas for a couple of grand this seems quite inexplicable.

I think you are right, horsetowater. The only costs it would save on is repairs / servicing / tyres / RAC breakdown cover, all of which are included in the scheme and but not necessary if the car is a good one.

And I can just imagine MIL borrowing it! Yy to letting her go on thinking that r.e the tax disc.

I have had possibly the worst afternoon. I feel absolutely finished.

Spent ages and ages on hold to the bank, trying to renegotiate loan term to lengthen it and have lower payments. Was on hold for ages, transferred to two different people then ds started crying then I got cut off.

My eye has got progressively more painful and swollen all day, my head feels like its literally going to explode on the l side and half my face is numb. Nothing tastes right and if I eat or drink my tongue and gums feel all numb and tingly. I keep saying the wrong word for things too. Went to gp who said my eyes so swollen from all the migraines (its the side I always get disturbed vision/loss of vision) she prescribed triptans and has made an urgent ref to a neuro opthalmic (sp?) doctor at moorfields as she said my symptoms are very severe.
Iam so tired. I begged dh to p,ease book a day off this week or next week, I need to sleep and rest I feel at my absolute limit. He said no, then he got angry, shouted at dcs shouted at me and said that he's tired too and he feels rough.
I need a rest and I need one now, I simply cannot carry on. Up till now I've felt bad but I've pushed through it and I don't feel physically able anymore. I can't even see properly I feel absolutely horrific.

I know I'd feel better after a rest, but I can't rest and I don't know what to do.

Hedgehog - you are under extreme stress, and your body is telling you very clearly that you need to STOP. Is there anyone you can call? A friend, a family member, an inlaw - anyone close by who could come and help you out for a day this week. Don't be afraid to reach out to people and be vulnerable in front of them. Trust that they will understand.

Your DH is way out of line, but you don't need people to tell you that right now. You need a break.

Oh, darling, you poor thing. I'm very worried about you. Tbh, if you get any worse I think you should call an ambulance - if you call them, please tell them about DD1 and any other urgent needs of the DC, as well.

Your husband will just have to figure things out. If he was here with me now, he'd be finding out just how cross I can get!

He's a useless bastard and really, it's tragic that you're so willing to put up with his shit in the hopes that he'll miraculously change one day!

If you got rid of his sorry arse you'd get more benefits and more help.

Something is going to give Hedge.

You've already lashed out at DH. You CANNOT continue in this situation. Phone an ambulance and get yourself into a hospital. You need medical attention and you need someone to see what's going on here so that you can get the apporpriate help.

Agree, maybe try A&E for the migraine as then you could potentially have a night off.. BUT you may not get that much sleep.

Alternatively, get the kids to bed then go and sleep at your mums so you get a good nights sleep. It makes sense for one of you at least to have a good night's sleep. (Can't remember if you have fallen out with DM, if not, a friend?)

Then, once you've read my post, get off the computer, it's not good for migraines, but you know that right? And unless you're a very fast typist, and even if you are, I think you're probably wasting a hell of a lot of time on mumsnet typing. You clearly love the drama and the attention - not saying there's anything wrong with posting for support but I 've read your threads under other user names and nothing's changed has it? Face the facts that YOU are the only one who can help your family, not your mum, or your sis, probably not your DH either (who btw I don't think is the big problem, think it's both of your and your v difficult situation), pull yourself together tomorrow morning and start doing stuff. Just one thing at a time. Don't look to the future and worry, just think about the task you're doing each day and before you know it you might feel a bit more under control.

Are you religious at all? You could always try God! I think churches might have volunteers who visit you at home and help.

Its migraines though, its not an emergency, its just horrendous as I can't get the rest I need. I asked DM if she would be able to help but she said she can't get time off either.

There's nobody else. I honestly feel like fair enough, dh obviously won't take time off and if I can just somehow push through tonight and the next couple of days I feel like getting up on Saturday morning packing a few things and finding a (very cheap) hotel for the weekend and just sleeping. But that's selfish as seeing dh snap at dcs tonight when I put him on the spot makes me think he won't be too happy.

I do actually think Hedge has made great strides over the course of this thread. She's certainly addressing the issues one by one, and effectively - she's doing more than I could manage, with worse impediments.

This is the thing, though, Hedge. I'm afraid you sound totally on the verge of collapse ... and, when your body needs you to stop, it forces you (been there; it's not pretty.)

You bloody should be able to rely on your husband & family for support. Unfortunately, yours are too crap to supply what you need. You're going to have to get help from somewhere else, and urgently.

Thinking of you. x

Computer def no good for me! Squinting through my bad eye and stopping every now and then if vision starts to go as sometimes reading too soon after one migraine brings another on.

I don't like the drama, not one bit.post here as have nobody in rl and hate being alone with my thoughts. Would love nothing more than to have a normal life with no troubles.

Hang on - you're blind in one eye, your face is swollen, you have acute neurological problems ... I'd be in A&E with that!

Posting here has helped her to make decisions and start to take positive steps so she absolutely should keep posting!

Though I take your point about computers and migraines.

Hedge it IS an emergency. It really, really is. What will happen in the next couple of days? What if you completely lose your sight? What if you collapse and you're alone with the dc.

Seriously, I am not joking. I think you should phone an ambulance.

Ok well fair enough I might be wrong there re the drama.
If I were you, I would do exactly what you say, get your toothbrush and a pair of knickers and go tomorrow morning. DCs aren't going to be killed by a bit of snapping from DH and they will all appreciate you more when you return on Sunday. You could probably get a cheap travel inn or something in a crap part of London for not too much money.

My DC2 is 10 months (both DC in good health) and I've certainly fantasised about doing it myself but luckily she started sleeping through.. I definitely definitely would in your position. You will feel so much better just having had a little rest.

You're not actually taking much (if any) of this advice.

Many people have tried to help and you're not listening. I'm bowing out now.

Gp said if I take what she prescribed (triptans) to stop an attack that the swelling. Should get better not worse and hopefully appt at moorfields will be quick.

She wasn't happy as they ref me in oct 12 due to vision problems/numbness but I cancelled as appt came through just after dd was ill then dh wouldn't take time off for me to go there. I should have gone but it got better for a bit. I'm a complete mess. So, so tired.

I've decided to just retreat to my room, have given ds2 a big beaker of warm milk, changed him all ready for bed and sat him with dh, I asked him to try and get him to sleep and if all else fails to appt him in the buggy and walk him round the block as its not raining or too cold. Dd1 is doing her homework, ds1 and dd2 are asleep. Dh is annoyed but I can't doit, I physically can't carry ds, bf him etc . Dh said he's tired and has a headache but I've had to just walk away.

Sorry waitingforflo I didn't answer your question did I.

Dd has levemir at bedtime. Lantus made her really low so we switched a while ago. We have heard of people splitting the dose. Maybe it will work for dd I'm not sure

And I thought I'd done quite a lot! Sorted lots out.

You have done! Keep doing it :)

You are doing the work of about 3 people - two parents and a nurse. You have done very well so far. Now rest your eyes and try to get a good night's sleep.

You've done loads hedgehog, now you need lots of rest.

Don't be alarmed if your joints feel a bit stiff and achy after the triptans - as a bendy migraneur they sometimes have that effect on me, but it's worth it to see straight.

Ok, you were all right.

I've been an IDIOT. Dh hates me.

I tried to rest, couldn't, went to make a drink was planning on going back to bed. Dh had other plans.

He is in bed now, he had a 'headache' and a 'bit of a sore neck' so I'm stuck downstairs bf ds2 and will probably end up sleeping here. I'm so angry he knows EXACTLY what he's doing. I'm on my knees with tiredness, I feel dreadful and he has in effect left me with nowhere to sleep.

So now I'm ill and angry and upset, its hit me like a train the sudden realisation what a nasty piece of work he is and that he's mentally torturing me. I want to go up there and tell him to fuck off out of my bed.

So go do it. He can sleep downstairs.

Personally I think he wants you to kick him out so he doesn't look like the bad guy.

He knew I was going back up, he told me not to disturb him for at least an hour.

He does want me to tell him its over/to get out but I don't understand if that's the case why he cae back after I'd lost my temper the other day.
He very clearly hates his life here with me and dcs.

Why tonight though when I feel so ill. He really doesn't care about me.not a bit.

I just wanted a rest.