I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

Surely the courts would look kinder on someone who 'turned themselves in' rather than waiting until the police found them? The police might then get in touch with the DH to ask if he would like to press charges? Even if they don't do anything, it can't hurt for OP to speak to the police herself, but at least she and her DH will know that she is taking this seriously and wants to attempt to 'make it right'.

'I told the police' has a better ring to it than 'I told mumsnet' when trying to prove regret.

Jaffa, the police do not need the victim to press charges in domestic violence cases anymore, they can prosecute independently if they wish

I never ever victim blame but if her husband was seriously afraid of her he'd have taken the kids.

It doesn't matter whether he is 'seriously afraid' of her or not. That's not the point.

I can't go to the police, I don't want to be arrested they might take the dcs ?

My advice would be to talk with someone who can hep you both such as the Samaritans or your GP.

I needed help with dcs. He wouldn't and I couldn't face doing it on my own. He made a comment about me not coping and that he was fed up of me.

What did he say exactly about you not coping - was he concerned about you or was he criticising - why would he not help you if you were not coping?

Don't go to the police or the doctor.

I agree with Highbrows.

I think there is no excuse ever to hit your spouse/partner. However there is a gender issue that must be considered in that as cogito said earlier, men are generally bigger and stronger so the threat is not as great. It's ridiculous not to consider this when analysing such a situation.

That depends. Did you do it in front of the children?

He wins? He's just been repeatedly assaulted in his home. I can't even begin to engage with someone with your mindset.

Wow, hightails, you're actually disgusting. He was repeatedly hit by his wife how the hell did he 'win'? You're basically saying that no-one who is attacked by their partner is a victim if they did something to 'provoke' them.

Yeah but you don't victim blame,

I agree that the OP has committed a crime. And if that had been a man everybody would advise reporting to police.

why would he not help you if you were not coping?

Because he doesn't want to. He's happy to wind up op and walk away , leaving the kids behind.

HighBrows you are so fucking far out of line it's unbelievable.

OP you don't want to go to the police because YOU don't want to be arrested. It's not about you.

I hope he reports you.

And Jaffa the 'victim'?

What's with the quote marks? He IS a victim.

Yes and OP you must leave him alone entirely, he must be the one who decides how to proceed with this, with no input from you.

You only get to have a say now, if he decides to come back and talk to you.

OP your children were present when you attacked their father, if any of them mentions it to someone the choice could well be taken out of your hands. Assault is a crime, no matter how self indulgent you're feeling you need to take immediate steps to deal with what you've done, not fannying about wanting to text your victim and mooching around the house.

How old are your kids, and did they witness this assault?

Why is the OPs stress being taken into account but not her DHs, maybe he refused to help OP because he couldn't deal with it and stressed. No, clearly he doesn't care.

Sexist double standards.

Highbrows I was addressing OP and not you. Frankly you have no ability to answer this as OP hasn't given enough detail.

This is exactly domestic violence. Christ.

What I wanted him to do to help he considered too much hassle for him to do, then said I can't cope with dcs and that I wanted dcs so shouldn't complain.

Oh ffs,if a woman posted that her oh had punched her repeatedly none of you would be asking if she's bigger than him or if she provoked him!You would be telling her to ltb and call the police.

Pathetic and disgusting