I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

How old are the children? Did they witness the arguing and the violence?

So many two faced people on mn who are always aggressive with their advice if a man is in the smallest way abusive to a woman. Now a woman who has repeatedly punched her oh all she needs is a little help? Really?

This woman needs punished for her repeated assault on her oh, she should be prosecuted for her behaviour!

Opin my opinion your husband ddoes not see you as a threat. He's left you with the kids.

Just try and keep calm. Do not contact him.

OP everyone is telling you to contact your gp and you are asking should you phone your dh. No. Don't phone him, phone the out of hours service.

Ok OP, maybe send him a text just saying that you are happy to leave the home for a while if he needs space, but would he prefer you leave the children or take them with you? Or perhaps you could speak to his family, if they live nearby? I think it's important that your DH feels he can come home and not be scared.

Can you phone a mental health team for some urgent counselling ? I'd pack a bag and go to a friends/parents and explain what you have done. Your husband needs o be able to talk about this without stigma.

I would second what GotMyGoat just said above

Walter
yes I would.
But the Dh hasn't come to MN to ask for advice has he?

The police will not get involved in domestics unless the 'victim' makes a complaint and wishes to press charges.

Highbrows, what an absolutely shitty thing to say.

How dare you highbrows. Victim blaming right there at it's best. How many other spouses were asking for a beating eh?

I think there are some major flaws in people's reactions and also ignorance of the law.

The police need the victim of violence to press charges before they will do anything.

This has nothing to do with gender on MN.

If the DH had come here asking what to do, then it might have been fitting to suggest he went to the police- but only if he was prepared to take the matter to court and testify against his wife.

I know but it started because the ops husband didn't want to help her. I feel shitty posting that but it is possible.

Highbrows are you serious?!

Can you even imagine saying that about a woman who had just taken several punches from her husband? That she provoked him on purpose as an excuse to be able to storm out in a huff and have the day to herself?

I needed help with dcs. He wouldn't and I couldn't face doing it on my own. He made a comment about me not coping and that he was fed up of me.

But if that's not what you meant to come across then I apologise, I thought you were suggesting that because the OP didn't intend on doing it again then there was no point reporting the crime that had already been committed.

I would advise her DP to report her if he was the OP. I'm advising the actual OP. Reporting to the police is about protecting yourself (and possibly others) Advising the OP, who wants never to do this again is about getting anger management/counselling etc not about reporting yourself to the police. The police don't provide those services.

No one under any circumstances ever deserves to be assaulted. Do you understand that?

But we don't know what kind of help she wanted and whether or not she was reasonable or not in demanding it, and even if she was, it doesn't justify punching him!

Good Lord. This place is exhausting sometimes. The hypocrisy just astounds me.

You clearly do victim blame, 'a day off as a victim' that it victim blaming.

I'm not sure contacting him directly is a good idea, he may feel scared of you and any contact can be seen as being aggressive. But on the other hand he may not want to tell a friend or his family what's happened either.

Humm, on balance I'd text him and say that you know you've done something truly awful, and that whatever he wants to do you respect that, and if he wants to come back to the family home you'll leave so he can. Also ask if he wants to leave the children with you or whether he'd like them, or whether you need to find someone else to take care if them whilst he decides what to do.

peggy I think you need to read through the thread again, rather than let your assumptions lead your perception of what's being said.

Highbrow I really don't understand what you are getting at from your last post?

Agree that the OP needs counselling/anger management, aside from any police involvement, but calling out of hours GP to get a referral (as advised by a previous poster) is really not an appropriate use of NHS resources. The referral wouldn't be processed until Monday (at the very very earliest) anyway.

Agree with previous posters about sending him a text telling him you will leave to give him some space, and asking him whether he wants you to leave the children/take them with you/take them to his parents etc.

It's a good start that you realise how unacceptable your behaviour was.

I think you now need to tell your partner that AND that you are prepared to do ANYTHING he needs you to - be that contacting the police, moving out, seeking counselling to ensure he feels safe.

In the meantime you need to see your GP as a matter of course.

There are no excuses but there are clearly triggers/pressures here that have contributed to this and you owe it to your partner and your children to identify and deal with those.