I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

I'm sure the police would do what they thought was in the best interests of the whole family, which would probably be to refer them/OP/DP for some support.
Nevertheless it wouldn't be my choice to talk to the police. I'd talk with someone I felt more confident would help me/us find the right way forward.

Op, your children will not be taken away.

You don't come across as an abuser, but what you did today was a crime. You know this.

Leave your husband alone for now. He will contact you when he is ready. He may stay away for a while and he may not. Wait for him to call and then take it from there.

What else can you really do??

I read a thread the other day where a mother of a young baby admitted to punching her baby when he wouldn't sleep and just the day she posted she had dragged her ds across the floor by his hair.

Many women replied with their stories of what they had done to their children, telling her not to worry.

Sometimes I just can't work this place out.

Holier than thou?

Because we're saying it's not ok to repeatedly punch someone.

I hope none of you have sons.

Op, i feel as if you're trying to justify your violence in your recent posts. It reads to me as if you're saying you punched him because he provoked you when you were already so stressed and tired.

And i'm sitting in shock reading Highbrow's posts.

My ex-partner slapped me when dd was 2 weeks old because i wouldn't get up and Hoover the living room at 7am one morning.

I said no because i was exhausted, the house was tidy enough etc.

So he slapped me.

I was absolutely the 'winner' of that situation, wasn't I, Highbrows? Deliberately provoking him so i could get out of housework.

And i only let him do it the once. I told him to leave after that one slap. And he did. Haven't seen him since, and this was almost 6 years ago.

Was i wrong to do this? Is there a limit to how many times someone should let their partner abuse them before being allowed to separate?

Op, did your children witness this attack? If so, have you spoken to them about it? Even if they weren't in the room, they likely heard what was going on. I hope you've spoken to them about it, and how wrong you were to hit their father like that. if it's left ignored, they might grow up to think it's totally normal.

If i was you, i'd be encouraging your partner to report you to the police. You committed a crime and should face the consequences. And this will prove to your children that violence within a relationship is not to be accepted.

Because women are always the victims on Mumsnet, always.

Would you give the same advice if this was your best friend or your sister?

I have always supported both genders in dv but this time I'm on the ops side

Highbrows there are no sides. This is not a soap opera. This is real life, you can take your TeamAshamed t-shirt off.

OP herself has said that there are NO excuses. She is 100% to blame for her actions.

Get over yourself.

Honestly there aren't enough rolly-eyed emoticons for this thread.

You said it. Sheesh.

Would you give the same advice if this was your DIL?

Blonde I thought of that thread too!

All the fucking idiots (because that's what you are) saying he probably provoked her,is backlighting,blah blah fecking blah should say the exact same about any woman who has been battered.

What a bunch of sexist parts!

I just want to make sure it never happens again.

If he comes back that is.

I feel so terrible for punching him like that. He had annoyed me and I was tired but I know I was wrong. It was by front door so don't think dcs saw but they heard the arguing.

I don't think anyone knows who is right yet, OP has only posted about 4 times and hardly given any information yet.

If you all pipe down with your accusations and arguments it might help.

"So he wins" highbrows

So she punches the hell out if him and "he wins". Wow

What do you mean by 'he annoyed me'?

OP what do you think if what highbrows has said?

Fuck- if my partner ever hit me i would go absoloutely batshit crazy on them. You're lucky you have a partner with great self control OP.

Agree with everyone who says you need to leave the house and go to the police. You will be arrested as you have committed a violent assault on someone and SS will be involved as there were children there. These are all the things that needs to happen here. Your husband needs to be safe and ao do your children. Do the right thing. Text your husband before you go so he can come back and be with the children.

"I don't think anyone knows who is right yet"

OP hit her DH

DH did not hit OP

Think that puts OP in the wrong, no?

I would say it's the end of the relationship, sort yourselves out. I wouldn't say 'you are fucking disgusting, go to the police.'

I can't give loads of info as have namechanged as am ashamed and embarrassed of what I've become.

I needed more help from dh, I asked, he said no and I was at the end of my tether. Things are just too stressful. I try to find solutions but there seem to be none other than I need more help from dh that he can't give and I lost it.

I know I was wrong. I'm not disputing that, I just want to know where to get help for my temper.

I think going to the police, besides anything else, is taking the choice out of her DH's hands and it should be up to him not her. In her DH's shoes I'd want that to be my call, not the person who created the situation.

OP it's good you know it's wrong, of course. And you don't seem to be minimising.

Do you have any RL friends you can talk to in confidence?

Only your DP can answer whether he wants to continue the relationship but he's not here so we don't know.

However, I think it might be worth conside

It would be more helpful to an OP in need to respond to her rather than talking over her on her own thread.

Oh, the irony.

So, what has this thread achieved then?

OP comes on to ask for help

Mnet - you are a disgusting abuser and should leave your DH and DC, you can't make it better.

This was me 8 years ago - only i did more than punch, i came here actually, i got support, i was told to go to the GP, i did, my DP came with me. He wasn't with out blame, he handled things badly at first, contributed to my stress, we were both in need of help, i needed psychiatric help - i got it. We moved on, we worked through things, it was a dark and horrible time in both of our lives and it took a long long time for things to get right again, actully i would say that things are only just now,good again, and it really is good - I am so glad that i got help, i still have ADs because i suffer from anxiety, but thank GOD i have managed to get over that and that my relationship with my DP is still very much in tact. Thank GOD i didn't get these responses to my plea for help when i reached out on here for help - I was told to go to the doctors, kindly, it took me a while, i posted a lot of negative stuff about DP too, some people told me to ltb but mostly people saw through all the crap that i was quite unwell. I will never forget that kindness. This place has changed.

Ashtray, I wonder has anyone else thought of it!

I once, no actually twice hit my husband.

I'm not an abuser, I was just at the end of my tether.

Not saying what op did was right or any of that shit, rather that sometimes we all do stuff out of character.

I don't think any of us can really be sure what the situation is here until the OP describes their domestic life in more detail, which she seems not to want to do.

But I know what I think.