Hi all, just posting to update on me in case it helps others who are where i am , iyswim.
my situation is that fw has moved back in, which has had his desired effect of making me wobble a bit, until i remember all his manipulation with my df and the effect it's had on that relationship - and what that could mean for me and dd in the future too.
today i saw a solicitor who had been recommended to me. I saw one last autumn who was quite patronising (i realise in retrospect) and ended up compeletely overcharging me by charging for letters/write ups which i hadn't requested - i managed to challenge it but it had quite taken the rug from under me and was the reason i didn't leave today.
the one today was so much better, didn't talk so much about the abuse but about what i needed from the settlement, all very practical, told me my idea of staying in the house probably wouldn't work as fw doesn't really earn enough to live without the equity from the house, so that was useful, been googling all day and come up with a plan to live nearby for school and not in catchment area of secondary school where her friends will go but at least in catchment area of a good secondary school - figure i'll have 5 years or so to prepare her for going to that particular school.
sol also gave me a leaflet for a counsellor. I've been trying to get free counselling but it's a massive waiting list and so far i havent been that impressed with the counsellors there i have met. the one she suggests does existential psychotherapy which actually sounds it might be good for me, it's all about facing up to the life you have and going forward. no space at present but she is confident something will come up.
sol also suggested i suggest mediation to fw, which would be an easier way to move forward than just presenting him with petition. he is being ok living in house, it is actually a lot easier now as my mental view is that we are separated and i am living like that, if i cook something then he is welcome to it but i don't get it for him when he gets in, i only text him or reply to his texts about dd, nothing else, i never ask him about his day.
have to get through holiday now which is in 3 weeks. I know his passport is expired and i haven't seen a new one arrive (and i get back to pick up the post before him), so hoping it will work out, and when we are past that i will present him with mediation option. we shall see.....
feel that i have made some progress today, and if this counselling can start soon, that should help me with moving forward. I think i need help in moving on and being able to leave my home so that i can be in a good state to help dd with it - she has massive anxieties about leaving the home as fw has always told her mummy wants to divorce daddy and then you'll have to leave your bedroom .FW!! Problem is that i came out of another bad relationship 10 years ago and also lost my lovely home (he moved his ow in the next day!) and i am just so fed up and stressed with moving not through my choice.
Mediation centre also does childrens counselling from her age so i may see about that - she has lots of nightmares which i am wondering are linked to all the night shouting (and day shouting) that has been going on. when we went to my parents for aw eek she slept much better and i wondered if it was because she knew there would be no shouting.
anyone taken their children for counselling? my dd is 5. i think i woudl want them to start when the move is happenign to help her with that and then just with the whole parents separating thing, it would be play therapy.
sorry , long!