Please Help- I think I have hit rock bottom

[Blossomflowers]

Sorry I have so start a new thread, sure some kind soul will link for me, please?

But very briefly I asked my P of 20 years to leave a couple of weeks before Xmas, it has been a tough Xmas as NY as to be expected, I know if I was advising a friend I will tell her she was did the right thing.

But this weekend I think my mental state has taken an all time low, DS 13 is being very aggressive and difficult, normal teenage stuff all be it a bit extreme, I am struggling with him. I feel totally a drift.

I have just driven back from dropping DS off @ school and have sobbed uncontrollably and made myself sick from crying. I actually think nobody would really give a shit if I was not here. I am stuggling to see any point in anything. I have massive debts, not helping because it is hard to concentrate on work, I hate my beautiful house right now, just reminds me of us. I have a constant pain in my right temple. Eating really badly which is really not good for my diabetes.

I thought I was doing so well and this weekend it all seems to have come crashing down. I just want it all to end.

Sorry for the long rant but I need to sensible advise on how to get past all these horrible thoughts I am having.

That is interesting sparkly did you notice a big difference. XP was in AD's and could tell when he was off them.

Well done Blossom - so glad you've called HMRC. I hope this gives you a little peace. Please try to call that company debt phone line. What's your business?

If you are a little boat exP must be the Titanic.

Donkeys had a bit of a snigger at Titanic.
stollem thanks, I know the best thing is to call people and deal with it, often not a bad

blossom good for you my lovely, things seem to be on the up!!

(going to read through your post and follow some advice for myself) x

There are some special people on MN, advice city, I'm relatively a new bod on here, but how great some people are xx

Sorry Blossom - I know I'm a nag!

oops I am up and down like a roller coaster. Have a appointment with GP tomorrow. How are you doing?
stollen you are not a nag, it all makes sense

Blossom up and down like a roller coaster pretty much a good description xx

Not to knock them, but I've just come off anti-depressants (some would think a bad time to do so) but I feel more 'head together' than I have in two years - like I've just come out of a haze -

I hate to say this, but I think I blame medication for alot, don't think I would have put up with half as much as I did, a thought for GP's maybe- If your prescribing 'blockers' to anyone, make sure they have supportive people around, or maybe you make them more suseptable to hurt - just a thought x

Re meds: I suffered from depression from an early age (think it is actually due to Aspergers (for which I'm being assessed) and ADD (which means I find it hard to get going)). Was on old fashioned ADs a couple of times in my 20s and 30s (am 61 now) and they just made me feel nothingy - to the point where I decided I'd rather feel something even if it was misery

Then in 1998 I tried an SSRI for the first time (paroxatine) and after 6 weeks twas like a miracle had happened. Was on and off them at various times, the last time in 2010 I got well enough to realise (with the help of MN) that it was my marriage causing my depression, mostly. Divorced now for 2 years, the moment I served papers my depression went, though obviously a stressful time followed till all was sorted.

There are support threads on the MH Board, some people find they have side effects to start with, but that if they persist, meds can be v effective.

Blossom I'm not in a good place now - x

oops, I am sorry that you're feeling down at the moment too.

Well have GP appointment this morning a bit nervous. Never me this doctor before, ( very rarely ill) don't even know what to say. My mind is constantly working overtime, wish I could just switch of these invasive thoughts. Just saying.
Hope all well this morning

Meeting a new GP is daunting sometimes but with any luck you can chat and get advice.

I don't know if you would find Kalms or, as suggested by a pp, Rescue Remedy drops beneficial but as you have made the appointment why not go.

I would write a list of bullet points down Blossom - that you can hand over if necessary... perhaps along the lines of...

• P left after 20 years just before Christmas
• DS has been self harming because of the things that he heard P say about him - that's being dealt with and he's not self-harmed since P left.
• P has been draining money from the family for years, and has left us in a really bad financial situation
• I have significant money problems - I can't sell the house as I would not be able to get a mortgage again.
• I am feeling overwealmed - I'm getting panic attacks - I can't settle to do anything - I'm bursting into tears at times.

I don't know whether the above helps as perhaps something you can amend?

Not wanting to derail the thread but a quick note:

Know you are in a world of pain oops but hope the stupid texts stop and you can draw on rl support. You & your DSs will weather this storm.

Mistle spot on. I am going to write this down because I know my mind will go blank. You know it is amazing to get support some completer strangers on here but people I know in RL have really been as much use as chocolate fire guard. DM has fucked off to her holiday home, never really bothered to keep in touch and when she did come for Xmas first thing she said as she walked in the doow Xmas day was "oh what a shame MrBlossom is not here won't be the same without him". DB not rang me once, Dad wrapped up in his own weird life, looking after my DSis 3 yr old.
Breathe again.

Vipers all but we are wishing you well Blossom .

Not derailing at all donkeys just thinking about oops this morning as it goes, she sounds like she is going through the mill. Come us and tell us how you lovey.

blossom better today (sorry for having a meltdown on your thread xx) Laptop plus 'arggh' moment not a good combo sometimes xx

Hi oops glad you are feeling a but better today, funny how there are melt down days, had a few of those recently.

Well just got back from GP and given me Citalopram, will start taking tonight scared to take now as may make me feel weird and have to pick DS up. Also wants me to start counselling but have to wait a few weeks for waiting list very long. did not blub too much, GP seems so very young I must be showing my age

blossom you grab at that counselling my lovely, wish my GP would have helped in that way xx

I (correct me if I'm wrong) don't think citalopram causes drowsiness, and you actually may not feel anything from them for a few weeks -

I was on venlafaxine, been off for a few weeks and feel like I'm getting out of a haze (meltdowns excluded)!!

counselling the key I think, just make sure your being helped all the way, with the plan being to feel better, not just blocked out of it xx

Personally, you come across as a lovely lady, so really, alot of love to you xx

I just hope I don't have an adverse effect initially so just being careful, don't want to leave DS stranded 20 miles away from home. Probably being paranoid. Have absolutely nothing for the weekend, think my family and few friends are not interested and I am not calling them as it seems to one sided

nothing planned I meant to say, I really need to re read my posts before posting

Well wishing lurker here...

I was on and off Citalopram for years. I view ADs as I view blood pressure medicine. It is sensible to take them if it is going to improve your life and keep you afloat while you make changes to your life to treat any underlying cause.

Citalopram can make you feel absolutely foul for the first few days. I usually allowed a week at the start knowing that I would feel nauseous, dizzy and 'out of it'. Sometimes it would only be a day or two. Once I had got over that 'hump' then Citalopram really helped. It sort of took the edge off. I still could feel but I lost the extreme high and low that I was feeling (mainly low - I had/have chronic depression). During this time I was still able to do high pressure work that required attention to detail, in fact, I would not have been able to continue if it hadn't been for the tablets.

Ime I would suggest that you have fall back plans for the first week, brace for potential problems (not everyone gets them) and then if there if there is a problem and there is no improvement after a week to ten days go back and see if you can't get a different AD more suited to you. This is like putting a cast on a broken leg until it has healed. You are going through a dreadful time. It is entirely appropriate that you do something to keep yourself going through it for the short term, and also keep an eye on your diet and try and get out for a walk or something.

Hope this helps and wishing you all the luck in the world.

lisa thanks for your lovely post. I am just getting my head around all this, good to know you could work effectively. GP asked if I could take some time off, this is just not an option. He has also booked me in for 2 weeks time to see how things are going. Would you suggest taking them in the evening? do you know if it is ok to drink with them, of course GP would day no, Not quite sure I am ready or able to give up my Vin Rogue crutch.