Please Help- I think I have hit rock bottom

[Blossomflowers]

Sorry I have so start a new thread, sure some kind soul will link for me, please?

But very briefly I asked my P of 20 years to leave a couple of weeks before Xmas, it has been a tough Xmas as NY as to be expected, I know if I was advising a friend I will tell her she was did the right thing.

But this weekend I think my mental state has taken an all time low, DS 13 is being very aggressive and difficult, normal teenage stuff all be it a bit extreme, I am struggling with him. I feel totally a drift.

I have just driven back from dropping DS off @ school and have sobbed uncontrollably and made myself sick from crying. I actually think nobody would really give a shit if I was not here. I am stuggling to see any point in anything. I have massive debts, not helping because it is hard to concentrate on work, I hate my beautiful house right now, just reminds me of us. I have a constant pain in my right temple. Eating really badly which is really not good for my diabetes.

I thought I was doing so well and this weekend it all seems to have come crashing down. I just want it all to end.

Sorry for the long rant but I need to sensible advise on how to get past all these horrible thoughts I am having.

Hmm... do you think that he might suddenly realise that you are getting dates and that he's 'lost' you to other men who find you attractive and .... Please DO NOT let him worm his way back in - but if you can have a 'normal', sensible relationship re money and DS, so much the better.

I hope the spa is good - have you got a back massage booked?

You are supposed to be begging him to come back. You are not following the script, how very dare you!

Okay, radio silence hasn't worked. Try charm. That's how I read it.

I don't have the experience or sense of the other ladies posting, but I suggest that you always, always, always have a back up sitter.

I'm glad to hear your shoulder is doing better. Good luck

btw how did FW get you hooked in the beginning?

(I see Lisa and I are on the same wavelength...)

For DS's sake I would give him the benefit of the debt but my goodness what interesting timing. Agree with ^^ was he rather knocked off his stride when he heard you were dating.

(Not following you around MN honestly!).

Umm it is a bit of a co incidence isn't it. Well long may it last. He was actually witty and charming.
BUT there is no way I would ever let him come back, I have not come this far for nothing.
Lisa we met abroad where were both working.
donkey you can stalk me I don't mind

Good weekend, Blossom?

I have sent a text to Fw asking him to stop giving money to DS, DS phoned him on Saturday and he dropped of £20 which was subsequently spent on booze,fags and probably dope. DS partly ruined dinner with friends because he went AWOL, despite the fact I am worried about teenage behaviour I think these kids he is mixing with will be using him for money.. I am really pissed off with FW is being really irresponsible again.. DS is now grounded for a week. Was speaking to a friend on Saturday and she hit the nail on the head that FW thinks DS as a mate rather than a dad, so true

Too soon for that way of thinking I agree. Boundaries and guidance are what DS needs not another buddy. You were the brains as well as the beauty then in that pairing Blossom what did FW pass on I wonder!

He passed on his shyness, ability to lie and being socially awkward.

Oh and donkey a fab weekend saw my new man on Friday, a lovely spa day and dinner with friends. I am mulling over man and will wait for him to get in touch.

DS is young enough to gain confidence and learn how lying just complicates things.

Your weekend plans had sounded so nice, glad they worked out .

Well FW has apologised and agreed not to give DS money, he is having him over for sleep tomorrow night, I have have been asked out on a date by a hot looking guy who I have been messaging for a week.

great result.

It just shows how FW mind works, he sent me another text last night double checking tonight and not Wend, I confirmed Tues and he promised not to let "me" down surely he should mean not let "DS" down, did not pick him up on it.
So now panicking because I have a date tonight with a new man eeek

My suggestion is that you get a back up babysitter.

As for the date - have a brilliant time!

lisa well even if he does let me down DS can stay home alone ( he is 13) but I prefer him out of the way when meeting people, iykwim

Well FW did have DS on Tues and all seems to go well and having him on Friday. He made a big song and dance about paying a cheque into my account today as very late in paying, just checked with bank and not happened. Still trying to make excuses why he is late, and told me he is not 2 months late with his rent. The mind boggles what he spends his money.

How did the meeting people bit go Blossom?

Sorry you had a crappy day on Tuesday Blossom I think having got back in the saddle so to speak you might want to just check your armour is good and solid and if something doesn't feel right allow yourself the option to say it's been great for what it was but now I need some space just for a breather.

(Not meaning to be cryptic lol).

donkey dating not going to so, I'm ok though, gonna have to put it down to experience, if nothing else it reminded me how good sex can be.

Well update, So met FW today for the first time since the split. He looked bolated, red eyed, clearly hung over and has started smoking again. I was not shocked really but felt a little bt of satisfaction. So much for him enjoying being alone.

One wouldn't want to wish him ill but he's finding out the grass isn't always greener elsewhere.

How's your arm/shoulder?

Hi donkey I thought he looked really pathetic and sad even DS made a comment that dad was really hungover, funny that that apparently the only reason he drank was because I drove him to it. Sad really that his day fishing was marred by being hungover apparently was drinking cider yesterday and gave DS one. GRrrrr
My arm def getting better, had a hard slog in the garden yesterday ( and I felt truly happy and contented) shoulder still aching but not on painkillers today. I have physio on Wend seems stupid to go if getting better dunno about that.