Please Help- I think I have hit rock bottom

[Blossomflowers]

Sorry I have so start a new thread, sure some kind soul will link for me, please?

But very briefly I asked my P of 20 years to leave a couple of weeks before Xmas, it has been a tough Xmas as NY as to be expected, I know if I was advising a friend I will tell her she was did the right thing.

But this weekend I think my mental state has taken an all time low, DS 13 is being very aggressive and difficult, normal teenage stuff all be it a bit extreme, I am struggling with him. I feel totally a drift.

I have just driven back from dropping DS off @ school and have sobbed uncontrollably and made myself sick from crying. I actually think nobody would really give a shit if I was not here. I am stuggling to see any point in anything. I have massive debts, not helping because it is hard to concentrate on work, I hate my beautiful house right now, just reminds me of us. I have a constant pain in my right temple. Eating really badly which is really not good for my diabetes.

I thought I was doing so well and this weekend it all seems to have come crashing down. I just want it all to end.

Sorry for the long rant but I need to sensible advise on how to get past all these horrible thoughts I am having.

I remember the fishing saga! Crimestoppers... or ring the police locally if you definitely know he's under the influence and driving

I have been told now by there were several occasions when people wanted to report him but were talked out of it. Trouble is I have no idea if he will be drinking and driving, can't see he would change a habit of a life time.

Bloody hell mistle you have a good memory. I got mixed comments about that one. I could prove nothing then but sure he would have drank several ciders and would have been over the limit driving dark country lanes. Only recently before we split we went to an evening festival ( with kids) and he said he was not going to drink and drive, Stupidly I believed him, I turn round and find him swigging from a Whiskey bottle with a new found friend. Twat

I wonder whether you could report the make and reg number to the local police on the 101 number so that they could keep a bit of an eye out for it - particularly if parked up at a pub or similar...

I'm not sure whether I involved myself in that previous thread - I was just glad you got DS back safely!

It has just occurred to me that if XP was killed in an accident or in hospital I would not hear about it for a while, nothing of his is registered here, bank statements, credit cards, nothing. Isn't that weird? we had a 21 year relationship and it is almost like it never existed. He has nothing to show for 20 years of his life.

Ouch, woke this morning in agony, think have pinched a nerve in my shoulder. Asked DS to call his dad and see if he would drop him to school, surprise no reply. So have taken strong pain killers and driven him there, better late than never, poor kid was assembly and I made him late. Now feeling bad, things like that make you feel stranded and alone.

Ouch! I hope that it improves.

Have you started the tablets or are you leaving them in the bottle to stare at you?

Are you managing to do some work - how's that going and are you reasonably busy at the moment?

Tablets still in the bottle, I am so up and down maybe they will level me out. I am working and busy, even typing it painful. Thanks for asking mistle

Oh and DM told me last night I should be grateful DS has seen his dad a couple of times, what in 6 weeks!!!!!! "as many men jet walk away and never see their kids" Mind you we are talking about someone who walked into my house in Xmas and said " oh dear things will never be the same now X is not here" Ho hum!

If that's the best DM can offer I feel sorry for her. You're not asking for the moon on a stick, for ex to act like a dad. Mind you, given his attitude perhaps twice in six weeks is the most your DS will see him. Certainly can't rely on him in a crisis. Sorry about your shoulder. Were you able to speak to school to explain DS's late arrival?

Pathetic isn't it. She is so emotionally retarded.

DS was only 10 minutes late, not bad considering I was rolling around in agony, told him to explain to Form tutor but to call me if a problem. We are rarely late, I hate hate being late.

Let me guess when he went AWOL last Feb I suppose she was badgering you to make it right and welcome him home, then when he did return she was telling you how lucky you were and how does he ever put up with you?

(Don't worry about responding esp if your shoulder is still sore, typing won't help).

You have it in one donkeys It makes me fume, she is knows everything, drinking, money, suicidal attempts, being a poor father about the only thing I have not told her was the lack of sex for past few years, some things need to be left unsaid. But still I get "poor X" I think if I have a mum that was there for me I would have left years ago. On pain killers so coping with shoulder.

blossom in the long run you will be glad you coped on your own with getting DS to school, it is proof that you can do this without help from your FW (fuckwit). And you might as well proceed on the basis that it isn't even worth asking him, as this is the truth Best to learn this lesson early, I'm afraid.

Never mind about your DM, either. Do not seek validation from her - you won't get it, and it will make you feel worse. Grasp your own truth firmly to yourself, if you want validation, read this thread...

I know I know sparkly I just was not thinking straight, must make mental note, do not ask FW for anything, well except for the money he owes me ( supposed to get first installment on Friday) not holding my breathe.
Re DM it just so sad, she can't understand why I am upset, her rationale is I threw him out so what is the problem.
I cannot imagine many people putting up with what I have, he has treated me so badly, I almost feel sorry for myself

Hopefully she will take on board your response and adapt her thinking don't hold your breath on that issue either .

I hear pet therapy is good for bp. You were talking about a James Bond furry kitten before Christmas. ..?

Yes and I have little kitty snuggled right next to me now, she is a Persian/Birman cross and totally adorable. really helped me keep calm. For some reason FW did not want me to get her. She sleeps happily on my bed each night

just what you need.

My FW did not want us to get DCat (now 17 and living with me). As DC and me were in agreement that we wanted a kitten, that is what we did. She has been a tremendous support to me - and it was nice to have another adult female who loved DCs in the house to talk to [mad cat lady emoticon]

My DF cried when I told him I was going to file for divorce the first time (which I didn't go through with). I thought he would support any choice I made, and respect me to be making the right one He was better the next time, when I actually did it.

My DM has her own strategies for dealing with life, forged in a difficult childhood. Any unpleasantness she puts behind her at the first opportunity. She it was who provided validation, when, while she was visiting, I asked FW for a fork and he said "get it yourself" forcing me to sqeeze past him to do so. OTOH she used to puzzle me if I was saying something negative about FW, in part explanation of why I divorced, by putting counter-examples of his behaviour.

e.g. when I said I had to clean the house for Christmas without his help before they came up for the festive season, she said "well, he did do some cooking". Then I found what she was doing - since he was not there to defend himself, she felt she had to speak on his behalf! It did not mean that she did not support me in what I had done, even though that was how it felt to me at the time.

Even friends did not understand, thinking it must be six of one, half a dozen of the other. Only on the EA thread did I find people who really got it.

somewhat of an essay, hoping it might help?

Not an essay sparkly My DM has had a terrible childhood, and ironically divorced my dad 17 years ago so struggle to see why she still has to come out with this bollocks.

I feel like a wasted so much of my life, never experienced the wedding day, because FW could never commit to marriage, no proper sex life for years because of his impotency and sexual hangups ( am I too old now ?) lost out on having a big family because he did not want that and now I am in financial ruins and struggling to see how I can get past all this. No offence sparkl but don't want to become a mad cat lady

None taken :) I am in early 60's btw and divorced for 2 years - had a wedding but wished I hadn't in many ways, had 2 lovely DCs, thought I had missed out on a loving equal mutually free relationship - but much to my surprise i am [mad cat lady with a lovely bloke]. Was happy without him, he is however a lovely bonus.

I am lucky that I am financially ok, though have to lead a fairly frugal life, although have had to manage on benefits for several years a couple of decades ago.

Oh that is lovely for you sparkly .
Everyone tells me I am good looking woman with great figure, just can't see it myself, I think he has kicked the self confidence out of me. Over the years I have just started believe all the horrible things he said. I actually hate him right now for but also pity him, if that makes any sense. Sorry probably being extra grumpy today because of shoulder, just whacked down more painkillers as have to pick DS bit later, is bloody 20 mile round trip and feeling a bit light headed.

Hello Blossom how is your shoulder today? Any walk in physio clinic near you? I know you don't have cash to splash but it must be affecting your sleep too.

in bloody agony, thanks for asking donkeys Woke me up @ 5.30 and had to take pain killers but coping, have no choice do I. Not sure if there is a walk in physio.

Have DS counselling session this afternoon, will be interesting, he acutally seems absolutely fine to me.

Have just had text through about DS parents evening, don't think I will bother mentioning to FW as he has never been to one before, thinks these things are a waste of time. Quite and important one as options time.

Just delurking again to offer support.

btw, re being past it, my father is chasing the ladies (same age as him) and I can't keep up with his love life. He is 82, and a few weeks ago I was faced with two of his ex-girlfriends bearing down on me at the same time, both with grandchildren in tow.

You are processing awful things, and it is going to be tough getting past this - and it is normal to feel so low. I have faith that you can get yourself past this, your DS is very lucky to have you on his side.

I miss my evil cat, she passed last year. Of course FW didn't want you to get a cat - cats can spot a loser a mile away.

Sending good vibes.