Please Help- I think I have hit rock bottom

[Blossomflowers]

Sorry I have so start a new thread, sure some kind soul will link for me, please?

But very briefly I asked my P of 20 years to leave a couple of weeks before Xmas, it has been a tough Xmas as NY as to be expected, I know if I was advising a friend I will tell her she was did the right thing.

But this weekend I think my mental state has taken an all time low, DS 13 is being very aggressive and difficult, normal teenage stuff all be it a bit extreme, I am struggling with him. I feel totally a drift.

I have just driven back from dropping DS off @ school and have sobbed uncontrollably and made myself sick from crying. I actually think nobody would really give a shit if I was not here. I am stuggling to see any point in anything. I have massive debts, not helping because it is hard to concentrate on work, I hate my beautiful house right now, just reminds me of us. I have a constant pain in my right temple. Eating really badly which is really not good for my diabetes.

I thought I was doing so well and this weekend it all seems to have come crashing down. I just want it all to end.

Sorry for the long rant but I need to sensible advise on how to get past all these horrible thoughts I am having.

You still have NHS physio appointment though, don't you? (I think the orthodox worry about osteo is that if they just pop something back in, it may make it more likely to pop out again. But I am no expert.)

I'm excited on your behalf re date...

Oh no idea what to wear date is 8,00 tonight omg, panicking a bit now.

And deep breath. And call on the Goddess of Style and Beauty :) and look in the wardrobe with fresh eyes...

go blossom!

Blossom - you don't need to make too much of an effort - if he's not happy to know 'you' then not worth bothering with... Have fun!

Osteopaths - some are good some are less good - and you do need to be happy with them so don't blame you for not going back.

Oh thanks temp the guy has been really sweet an texting me making me sure I am comfortable, even offered to meet me in the car park. Seems really nice but I am worried it has been 20 years since I have been on a date, I was young and hot then, now middle aged slighty overweight with lines

Well arm still agony but slighty more bearable after my date. It was fantastic and he far exceeded my expectations, we chatted for hours most def a connection. I ahve now kissed someone else after being with FW for 20 years, oh my he was def worth the wait, have rejected so many guys but this one felt special. Watch this space. Hopefully this will allow me to change the thread title some time soon. Road to recovery hopefully.

Blossom, please don't put too much hope on this one guy and take it slowly! Of course, I do hope that it does work out, but I don't want you to get hurt if he does turn out to be a plonker!

Laughter is the best medicine Blossom and a bit of what you fancy does you good. .

Oh don't worry I am not planning my wedding, I will take it nice and slowly and enjoy it for what it is. Would take someone a long time to chip away the armour I have built up. It is just incredibly flattering to be found attractive and desired after years of being made to feel so worthless as a woman. If it turns out as a fling I would be happy

Are you skipping round the house today, (bad shoulder and all)?

Yep grinning like a cheshire cat, how bloody daft. I was so worried he would not like me, FW has done a real number on my confidence hasn't he.

It sounds like it's given you a boost. Now to get that darned shoulder sorted and voila, new Blossom.

Does he sound anything like Sean Connery? not that I've checked out the dating thread, oh no

Just a soft lilt, I have stupidly always said I hate the Scottish accent, sorry to any Scottish people but this has shown me, he just sounds so sexy. donkey ( checking out OLD threas lol) yes a huge boost. I hope he is genuine ( of course there is always a chance he is a player) that thought in me mind only normal I suppose.
On shoulder front waiting for referral to specialist clinic. In the meantime Mr Scottishaccent has offered to give me a massage and I am seriously considering his offer.

DH always used to get unreasonably miffed when I swooned when I answered the phone to his boss at a previous job - who had the most amazing bass voice and lovely Scottish accent. I practically needed scraping off the floor...

LOL mistle never thought I would like the accent so much. Has sent me some lovely texts today, sweet and nice flirty without being too much. Well he still seems keen and not changed his mind overnight, getting it just right.

Have your DSs resigned themselves to having a mother that's dating again?

Well 13 seems very curious and keeps asking lots of questions. Not told the older one and have my brother to contend with later as happened to call last night when I was out. Sure he will have an opinion too.

on a less positive note, I texted FW to ask if he had paid money into my account, ( which I knew he had not) surprise he has not making excuses as usual. Not delivered work bla bla bal

just had referral to specialist clinic for my arm 7th of effin April. FW not paid anything this month making stupid excuses and DS being a stroppy teenager and just stalked off to the village. I am bloody trapped here, alright for FWX leading carefree life. Where as everything I do has to involve thinking about DS.
Have a second date for Friday night, would love to be kid free but no such luxury for me. aaaah

7th April? Good grief - I recall you said a physio had an appointment slot in mid March. Even that seemed miles away.

I know it is ridiculous, if FW paid me what he owes me then I could possible afford to pay to go but just paid all bills for this month and left with FA. I read on here about dad seeing there kids, having then maybe once twice a week, and here is me FW who has seen his own son properly about 3 times since he left. Just does not seem fair. Am grumpy would love to have a break, love DS to bits but he really is annoying me with his selfish teenage behaviour.

Can you tell them both that DS can see his father on Friday night and deliver him?

Sorry to hear that its so pants getting a date for physio. I would ring them up and tell them that you would come at short notice if they get a cancellation as you're in so much pain.

What about your DM?

Oh I have already said put me down for a cancellation so fingers crossed, she said it is a possiblity.
I was toying of asking FW to have DS, I was hoping by now he would have asked to get something in place where he sees him on certain days but then I don't suppose I should be surprised on his past history, he only sees him when something nice to do like lunch, cinema, fishing, all things FW likes. Should I ask?