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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why does he deny the patently obvious??

203 replies

Aloneandnowwhat · 05/01/2014 19:38

He's been caught out cheating by me reading the texts, still denies it ever happened. Just found tweets to some random girl commenting on her good looks, again denied it was him.
Does he think I'm that stupid? And why cheat if you don't want to leave?
Sorry, more of a rant than anything else.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aloneandnowwhat · 13/01/2014 12:01

Well we met him at playgroup, lasted half an hour before he stormed out because I wouldn't discuss our relationship. We stayed and had a lovely time, came home to him sat on the doorstep - made him leave before I would open the door. He's got a few days off work now so he's obviously going to start some hassle to keep himself occupied, the suicide threats have started but I'm just ignoring everything.
Feeling strong but harassed.

OP posts:
Glenshee · 13/01/2014 13:19

Great news. Stay safe. Call WA to research where you stand legally with his requests for contact and with keeping him out of the house.

captainmummy · 13/01/2014 13:25

'suicide threats' - it's all so predictable. Tomorrow, he'll be crying and sad and desperate to change - for a while. Then it will be angry and shouting, and then possibly super-nice....

Oh and still allive.

If you seriously think he is in danger, call the police, or his parents, or samaritans - don't engage with him in this . (oh and tell him you are phoning police etc!) He will need professional advice. And it might make him stop with the manipulation.

All contact through solicitors, other than essential child-related stuff. He's made his bed, it's his own shit, he can lie in it.

AnyFucker · 13/01/2014 13:27

OP, you are fabulous.

cjel · 13/01/2014 13:38

Well done OP you sound so much more in control now and are starting to see which is reality and which is nonsense. I think that you should keep in mind some advice from WA or the police if you feel yourself unsure but you seem to have things together now.xx

Original poster
Aloneandnowwhat · 13/01/2014 13:50

Thank you everyone, I can honestly say it's only because of the advice on here and other peoples posts that I can see him for what he is. It's ridiculous to think they all follow the exact same script - and why would him threatening to kill himself make me realise what a wonderful person he is and forgive him all his many wrongdoings??

OP posts:
StraightLineOfResignation · 13/01/2014 14:25

read the whole thread, well done , very well done OP,

you've really took control , I'm very impressed, I hope the next few weeks aren't too unbearable.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 13/01/2014 14:31

You are doing really well. SO strong.

Do not allow him to make you the bad guy in front of the children again. If he does, just leave.

Tinkertaylor1 · 13/01/2014 14:56

Well done you!

Flowers
Original poster
Aloneandnowwhat · 13/01/2014 17:41

Just went to put rubbish out and he's sat outside the door in the back yard.

OP posts:
ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 13/01/2014 17:45

Ignore him or tell him to bog off back to his girlfriend or his mum's.

He doesn't believe you aren't going to take him back. You have to make him believe it is over.

captainmummy · 13/01/2014 18:10

Is it raining, Alone? Grin

Hasn't he got a bed somewhere? Anywhere? Back of the car? He's pathetic; he did this - he can't complain when it bites him on the bum.

AnyFucker · 13/01/2014 18:22

Christ, he is a stupid fuck, isn't he

Tell him to sling his hook.

Better still, throw a pail of dirty water over him "by accident" (just joking about that bit)

AnyFucker · 13/01/2014 18:24

play this at top volume

cjel · 13/01/2014 18:40

I think you should ring 101 and report that you feel scared of his behaviour. They will log it and may even pop over and have a quiet word.xx

Glenshee · 13/01/2014 18:42

Call police and say you feel threatened by this.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 13/01/2014 18:56

Only call the police if you genuinely feel threatened. Don't waste limited resources.

RenterNomad · 13/01/2014 19:14

Outside the back door?! If the area is locked, all the more reason to call the police and get some witnesses! Shock

Tinkertaylor1 · 13/01/2014 19:19

Pah typical!

The old, poor me I've got no where to go trick.

Original poster
Aloneandnowwhat · 13/01/2014 19:22

Hi all, he started banging on windows etc so I rang 101 for advice. They sent some policewomen round but he'd already gone when they got here.
They've been round to warn him and said he was obnoxious to them, I told them about the suicide threats also. They told me to get a solicitor and get a contact order but I don't want to do him any favours.
I've offered him to see them at playgroup again tomorrow so I'm being more than generous.

OP posts:
captainmummy · 13/01/2014 19:25

Well done for that OP - he was obnoxious to the police too? What a charmer.

Next time he threatens suicide (why do these people think we care?) tell him that you can only notify the professionals.

He needs to get solicitors advice re contact. You have done plenty.

Original poster
Aloneandnowwhat · 13/01/2014 19:35

Yeah he wouldn't let them in then slammed door in their faces! I might have been a bit ott but it was a shock walking right into him and he's got form for breaking in so I was genuinely worried.
I was surprised they told me to get the contact order, at the minute it's all up to me but if I had that I'd have to hand them over regardless of his state of mind. I'll seek some sort of advice but certainly won't be inadvertently helping him out.

OP posts:
ummingandahhing · 13/01/2014 20:38

Bloody hell OP. You have been amazing. It's only been just over a week and look how far you've come!

Original poster
Aloneandnowwhat · 13/01/2014 21:29

I don't feel amazing. I feel shattered and under siege if that makes sense. Looking forward to some peace and quiet but who knows when that will ever happen Sad

OP posts:
cjel · 13/01/2014 21:53

I think thats just why you need contact order. You will know when ans where you will have to see him and won't have to have contact for any other reason.
Stop offering to meet him he will step up the bad behaviour trying to make you feel bad and it will wear you out. Take advice from thepolice, they have seen it all before and know what they are talking about.xx

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