Why does he deny the patently obvious??

[Aloneandnowwhat]

He's been caught out cheating by me reading the texts, still denies it ever happened. Just found tweets to some random girl commenting on her good looks, again denied it was him.
Does he think I'm that stupid? And why cheat if you don't want to leave?
Sorry, more of a rant than anything else.

[Aloneandnowwhat]

I'm trying to think of someone but can't. I'm so worried about it to be honest, he knows we're vulnerable here and he frightens me at times. When he's horrible his face changes, everything and I don't know what he'll do.
I can't go out unless I get the locks changed tomorrow and don't know if they'll do it that quickly.

[BIWI]

How about locking up, going to bed and turning all the lights off, so it looks like you're out?

[MissScatterbrain]

Call 101 for advice - its an non emergency number.

[Aloneandnowwhat]

I'll ring 101 first thing. It's not about stopping contact, I just need to know that he's going to be calm and not upset them.

[Glenshee]

Call 101.

Then keep thinking about a friend or relative who might be available. Someone's presence would make a major difference.

[RenterNomad]

glenshee and others all had it: witnesses, witnesses, witnesses.

[captainmummy]

Did you phone 101 OP?

[Aloneandnowwhat]

I've called the locksmith and he's coming today or tomorrow, ex seems to be reasonable at the minute. He wants to see the kids tomorrow, I've told him he can't come in the house.

[captainmummy]

Well done OP - little steps. If he does kick off, do phone the police. If he is hauled away, I bet he doesn't do it again.

[RenterNomad]

Good work!

[Aloneandnowwhat]

I don't want him to take the kids tomorrow but that's better than letting him in isn't it? I don't think he'll want them for very long.

[RenterNomad]

Why should he have them when he's so unstable?

[Glenshee]

Do you know how long he'll have them for, where and when to collect them, and where will they be whilst with him? Ask all these questions and have answers recorded so that you have reasons to call police if things don't go to plan.

I said this before, and will say it again.

I would be very concerned about children staying with someone you know you cannot trust.

[Glenshee]

Did you call 101, or WA or both?

[Aloneandnowwhat]

Do you still think I need to? I feel like I've got things under control, it's been quiet today.

[Glenshee]

Things are under control because he's not anywhere near you! It would be good to keep it that way, but you're planning on seeing him again! You need to prepare!

You also need advice with regards to how much contact he's reasonably entitled to, what you can and can't legally do in terms of refusing to let him in the house, changing locks etc.

[Tinkertaylor1]

Hello OP!
How are you doing ?

I would leave letting him take the children for a while until things settle down. He could take the kids off some where and not bring them back till you allow them in the house.

You will see all the nasty bastard sides this man has to offer now as you hold the cards. He he turns up banging shouting, close the curtains and just phone police immediately . If you feel scared - phone police.

He sounds like a horrible bully and he wasn't thinking about his kids when he was screwing some one else in the toilets so don't do him any favours regarding access at the moment. Your primary concern is your and dc safety .

[Tinkertaylor1]

From bitter experience do not let him in as you WILL NOT GET HIM OUT! These guys never learn a lesson , they just ramp up another level .

[Onefewernow]

Oh I really know the answer to your question . He denies the obvious to make you shut up and pretend it isn't happening .

[Aloneandnowwhat]

Tinker I'll rethink the contact then. It's awful not knowing what to do for the best, I'm trying to do what's right for the kids.

[Tinkertaylor1]

Morning alone

To do what's best for the dc at this point in time, it's to do what's best for their mother.
When their mother is in a safe,happy , stable environment then she create the same for her dc.

Things are very much volatile at the moment,emotions running high on both sides. He will try every truck in the book, tears, sorrow, remorse,begging, pleading for forgiveness then bouts of anger,temper, violence to try force you to submit when all else is failing .

It's a bulling, abusive prick trait.

How are you and the kids?

[captainmummy]

Tinker - quite.

OP - if he must have access, then you all go somewhere. Park, soft play - somewhere he is not alone with them (this is a dangerous time, at the end of a relationship, esp with a controlling, abusive man)

If he doesn't agree to that, then there is NO contact until it has been to court and agreed by a judge.

[Aloneandnowwhat]

We're all fine thanks, it's a much better atmosphere now he's gone. He was going to take ds to the park so maybe I'll go along with them and just sit a bit out of the way, I've warned him this is his only chance and if he starts anything I won't let him have contact again.

[Aloneandnowwhat]

And now the texts have started again begging for another chance. Just when I think things have settled down a bit off he goes again. I'm thinking the best idea would be to cancel today but I know that will cause him to kick off. I'll be ready though, will either go out or call police.

[cjel]

Alone. It is really hard to have to be tough because we don't think like them and still believe what they say about being reasonable. It does become easier when you start to believe the worst and then you aren't surprised when they kick off!!!Hope today goes wellx