Why does he deny the patently obvious??

[Aloneandnowwhat]

He's been caught out cheating by me reading the texts, still denies it ever happened. Just found tweets to some random girl commenting on her good looks, again denied it was him.
Does he think I'm that stupid? And why cheat if you don't want to leave?
Sorry, more of a rant than anything else.

[Glenshee]

Ugh. I'd be tempted to wait until dust settles. Cancel and say that you need to talk things through between yourselves first, so that you act in the best interests of children when you're in front of them.

Then arrange time and place to meet him without the kids - but without falling over yourself to arrange it quickly (it will be hard to arrange childcare for two young children, no doubt)...

[Aloneandnowwhat]

Just back in from meeting him. Changed it to this morning S I know he's at work so thought he wouldn't be able to linger. He started going on about how sorry he is, kept trying to talk to me. I said if he didn't stop I'd turn round and take kids home. Went as well as I expected really, some sly comments to ds like its mummy's fault I'm not coming home etc.
I feel like I've given him a chance to be a better person so I've done all I can. Will put him off for a while now until he can prove he's going to be calmer.

[Glenshee]

Well done Alone. And very pleased to hear that even though it was deeply unpleasant, you are all safe. You've done really well. Focus on the kids and yourself now.

[cjel]

Well done Alone, How do you feel?x

[Aloneandnowwhat]

Thanks Glenshee I really appreciate your advice. It was against my better judgement to meet him and I'm not in a rush to do it again.
He's trying his hardest to make me give in, it's like someone on here said; he goes from being sweetness and light to crying, being nasty and using the kids.
I've previously worried that people would fall for his sob stories and think I'm a nasty cow for not letting him see them, but I read something on here about toxic people and it's exactly right - now I don't care if he bad mouths me, just bothered about me and the kids.
I can't thank you all enough for this support, every time I've had a crisis I've come back to read through. I can't wait for life to start again!

[Aloneandnowwhat]

Cjel I feel great. The only thing making me down is knowing I'll never be fully rid of him because of the children. Although the few people I've told seem to think he'll lose interest after a while.

[TalkativeJim]

The one thing I would do is let him know that unless the sly 'it's mummy's fault' stuff stops, then contact will be stopped and he can take it to court. Tell him to google 'parental alienation' and think very carefully about how he handles this, because you will have no qualms about taking advice and stopping him seeing them.

Hopefully that might put the frighteners on him a bit.

[captainmummy]

Absolutely, Jim. ANY time he starts to dig at you through the kids OP means he is using them. That stops right away. If he wants contact he has to play it by the book, and put the DC first, not himself.

And at 'giving him another chance' - to do what, exactly? Sleep with others? Use the kids to dig at you? Scream and threaten?

Glad it went well.

[Tinkertaylor1]

alone well done!

Stick at it! He probably will lose interest , men like that see there kids as extension of there mother. If your not part of the package he won't bother with the kids and if he wasn't a great dad at home he don't start now.

Just be aware there may be times where you feel lonely , or you think he has turned a corner but think back to how he made you feel.

I made a diary so when after a few months he sent flowers and begged I went over the pages if I felt I was softening to him.

Well done once again x

[Aloneandnowwhat]

Captainmummy I didn't mean give him another chance with me, just a chance to do right by the kids meaning not using them to get at me.
Tinker, do you actually know him?

[Tinkertaylor1]

Hmmm I'm from the north west ?

I spent ten years with two men (not not at the same time!) and they were carbon copy of each other apart from one was physically abusive as well as EA.

I seriously had to look deep at why I was attracting these men!

Don't credit him with the ability of separating you from the kids at the moment. Honestly he will see you all as one being He will fight tooth and nail now to get back in the home. You are breaking free and he will despise that.

Turn your phone off ignore the door, you don't owe him an explanation or a bed for the night.

He brought you to this point , fuck him!

[Aloneandnowwhat]

Having to sit on my hands here to avoid replying to his rubbish!
Now I'm the bitch from hell who's stopping him seeing his kids and he's the model dad. This is because I won't let him have them tomorrow or come to put them to bed on Sunday. I don't think contact every day at the minute would be good for any of us.
I definitely think he's being a dick to make me want to take him back just to get an easy life; he didn't spend much time with them when he lived here!
I just need to not rise to his little games don't I?

[RenterNomad]

Have you told him to back off, and made it explicit that he is harassing you, so you can treat future texted abuse as legal harassment?

Factual communications about the DC is ok, but it is not on to say you are a bitch from hell, and press to invade your boundaries (the house) when he has demonstrated that he is abusive in such circumstances.

[cjel]

Oh dear, They are so predictable aren't they? Stay sitting on your hands. If you don't need it for anything else turn it off for tonight and enjoy your peace and quiet, Stay strongx

[Tinkertaylor1]

Hey alone you still sitting in your hands

How are you feeling? Why don't you get yourself a cheap mobile phone , turn your old one off and just keep the new one on. Then you don't have to deal with the barrage of nonsense. It's quite wearing !

You can switch it on when you are ready .

[Aloneandnowwhat]

Tinker it is very wearing! One of his family members has been in touch saying he's in a bad way, obviously he's been giving it the sob story. I've told them the reasons he's gone so they understand now.
How is it possible that he's become the victim in all of this?
On the plus side I've got the babies in bed with me and it's lovely. Trying to think of something we can do tomorrow to get us out of the house all day.
Yes I think I will be changing my number, it's hard not to retaliate to the texts but I know that's exactly what he wants.

[Tinkertaylor1]

Hey alone! In is own world he is the victim , it's all he knows! He has been thinking if his own gratification throughout out your relationship , he isn't going to start caring about you now

[Aloneandnowwhat]

I seem to be on mn a lot at the minute, but might look into netflix to stop me obsessing!
I've been told I'll be on day shift for at least a couple of months when I go back in march, I was saving for a house deposit but that will go towards childcare now - I don't want to ask him to help out with looking after them.
I bet you're looking forward to having a bit of adult conversation, I find that although the friends I have through ds are lovely, all we talk about are the kids!

[Tinkertaylor1]

Hey alone I've PM you

[Glenshee]

Hope all is well today Alone

[Aloneandnowwhat]

Glensheethanks I've had a lovely day out with the kids, another one planned for tomorrow. Ex has been pretty quiet today, have offered him to take ds to playgroup on Monday but not had a straight answer yet.
Thanks for asking

[Glenshee]

Great stuff,
onwards and upwards Alone!

[Tinkertaylor1]

Hi alone how was your day out?

[Aloneandnowwhat]

Had a great day with the kids again.
Meeting ex at playgroup tomorrow so he can see them. Need to sort out specific contact but I'm feeling it might be too soon. Also need to get the rest of his things out of the house, he doesn't have much so I might just drop it off later tomorrow - don't want him in the house still.
Have now signed up to Netflix and in the process of seeing what all the fuss is about with Breaking Bad!

[SingleAndLovingIt]

Just been catching up with your week alone - you did it! well done! now keep striding forwards and don't look back...so proud of you