Why does he deny the patently obvious??

[Aloneandnowwhat]

He's been caught out cheating by me reading the texts, still denies it ever happened. Just found tweets to some random girl commenting on her good looks, again denied it was him.
Does he think I'm that stupid? And why cheat if you don't want to leave?
Sorry, more of a rant than anything else.

[cjel]

I would caution involving him at yours to do child care, He is not reasonable enough and I think you may have to detatch more to make seperation work. Glad you have been able to see that your life doesn't have to be like this and you do have optionsx

[captainmummy]

Sex in the toilet? (yeuurgh!) What a charmer.

have you phoned WA?

[Custardo]

when does your tenancy get renewed?

[Tinkertaylor1]

Sex in the toilet ! What a prick!
He can't stop you doing anything !
Things will get better.

You are an incredibley strong woman. I thnk he is telling you these things to absolutely ruin you, break you down .

Have you spoke to WA? The house is just bricks and morar , I left with only dd, I did have a wobble a couple of weeks later but I stuck to my guns and my life is unrecognisable . You can do this.

Don't have him doing child care. Once you have your own place don't let him back in. You might have to start a fresh, new place, new you.

When I lived with my ex, the first house we lived in was actually rented in my name and it was council . When I told him to get out of my house , he would say, ' no, you don't own it, the council do " I stupidly gave that house up for a bigger one in both our name ( by now completely conditioned to accept shit) When I asked him to leave then he just laughed in my face, that why I knew I had to, with dd.

sounds like you are starting to gather you thoughts, look at the first couple of posts you did. You wasn't even planning on going!

Honestly op go for it.

[Aloneandnowwhat]

The tenancy is now a rolling month by month one, deposit paid for by me although no way of proving it. I need to have his name removed, hopefully I can do that without his say so.
I feel like a fraud ringing womens aid, he's never hit me or anything and I don't want to waste their time and resources.

[Aloneandnowwhat]

Have contacted my boss to hopefully find out what my shift pattern is going to be when I go back. Then I know what I'm dealing with.

[AliceinWinterWonderland]

You are not wasting their time and resources. Ring Women's Aid, they can help you get organised. That's what they are there for!! You will feel LOADS better with a plan.

[Tinkertaylor1]

Give the a ring and they might be able to point you in the direction of some one who can ( you haven't got anything to lose)

He is emotionally abusing you op, you don't need 'slap' to qualify for help. Plus see it as a pro active step forward away from that cheating cunt.

Iim due Of maternity this Saturday , they have to try to be flexible and take in to account child care. I am ready to say the least! How are you feeling about it?

[captainmummy]

OP - so many posters say 'i can't phone WA, he never hit me' or 'i can't phone WA, he only hit me once' or 'he's only emotionally abusive' or 'he's only financially abusive' - you want out, phone them. THEY WILL HELP - it's what they are there for.

[sparklysilversequins]

You're joint tenants. What does your landlord say about him committing criminal damage at the property when he broke the window? The police arrested my ex and charged him with criminal damage when that exact same thing happened here. we were joint tenants too. The police went in with both feet because it was within a DV context. Everyday I thank them in my head for helping me out if a situation I felt powerless to get myself out of. There IS a way out of this, you just can't see it at moment because you're so ground down. Your story is so similar to mine, the endless cheating and refusing to leave.

[Aloneandnowwhat]

I didn't tell the landlord, just paid myself to fix it. Didn't want to make the ll think we were dodgy. He's still refusing to leave, I'll ring wa tomorrow.

[captainmummy]

Please please do phone WA -it is so hard to do it alone. Please make a better life for yourself.

[Blondeorbrunette]

More important lop, why are you avoiding the obvious?

[Aloneandnowwhat]

Sorry what is the obvious?

[captainmummy]

I think Blonde means you are avoiding the fact that you are obviously nit still in a committted relationship (through no fault of yours) and need help to get out. He is just using you for a skivvy/childcare and has no intention of jumping out of that nice warm bed. Why would he? He has no-where to go, not even an OW (sex in the toilet does not a OW make!) so why wouldn't he just stay right where he is?

You are the one who will have to make a new life - he is quite happy with the old one. You will have to do all the work, for yourself.

Phone WA.

[Aloneandnowwhat]

The reason I don't want to leave is that I've bought everything in here, I can't start again and can't afford to replace beds, furniture, everything. He had nothing when we met and still doesn't.

[MissScatterbrain]

You don't need to leave. He is the one who needs to go.

Stop doing all his chores - shopping, cooking, laundry etc.

Get legal advice about how to make him go.

[Aloneandnowwhat]

Have stopped doing everything already, apparently I'm ruining our childrens lives. I can't make him leave, he has to serve notice on his part of the tenancy which he'll never do, even though he can't afford the rent alone.
I'll have to find somewhere else and move out, but I don't have the money for a bond as it's being used for current house and I can't prove it was me who paid it.
I'm really up shit creek here.

[cjel]

You are really not up the creek. There are deposit boards around to help in your situation. Have you been in touch with the people who can help you through this yet? Please don't feel shame, Its not only poor uneducated thick people who are in your situation, They are there to help everyone. Its like I always say, they can help you so you will be in a position to help others when its their turn. Don't despair. reach out.

[Aloneandnowwhat]

I got as far as the wa website but it really did seem for victims of domestic abuse. Local CAB is open tomorrow so will try there.

[cjel]

That sounds like a good idea, Ask about local deposit boards as well. You don't have to use any of it but it may be helpful just to know realistically what your options are.x

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

HE is the one who is ruining the children's lives. What he means is you should STFU and know your place .

You take everything you have paid for.
You get a loan from the bank for a deposit.

You could be in your new place, with your children, by the end of next month if you let MNters help you. They have been great at helping other women make the break both emotionally and practically.

Just remember YOU did nothing wrong.

[Aloneandnowwhat]

Well he came home from work at lunch time and started his rubbish, ds got upset and that was horrendous. He locked us in at one point.
He agreed to leave if I have him tobacco money so I did and he's gone. Bags are packed and outside for him to pick up later. Have left a message with landlord to call me back, have explained the situation with not wanting him to be able to come back.
That was horrible, my little boy crumpling because his dad was crying and going on. I feel so relieved, no matter what's coming it beats this crap!
Does anyone know how much contact I should let him have? I'm worried he'll use it as an opportunity to confront me again, he knows I can't answer back in front of the kids

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

No contact for a while. Let things calm down. Let your STBE show he is a grown up.

[captainmummy]

You need advice re contact - don't just do whatever he says. CAB is good for that in the first instance.
Glad that he is leaving. Will the LL allow you to change the locks?

He really is a peice of shit, using his ds like that - he should be protecting his dc from his own inadequacies. Whatever happens, you are better off without this in your lives.