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Original poster

Friends 'D' H tried it on, advice please

165 replies

JustDrive · 29/12/2013 13:25

I really don't know what to do right now.
Met a really great girl through work and we both have similar aged kids and loads in common. She's been like a rock to me after splitting with my H, wouldn't have coped without her.
Anyway last night she invited me out with her husband and group of friends as my H had DS for the night. Was the first time I'd met them or her H.
We went into town and a lot of booze was had, her H became more and more friendly which did make me feel uncomfortable.
By the late evening he was groping my bum etc. told him to stop.
Later on we were outside smoking and he tried to kiss me!! Put my hand on his cock and said 'see what you do to me' omg I feel sick reliving this. So I left. He followed. Tried it on basically and I said no.
Anyway I went home a bit shaken and upset because my friend really is lovely and I'm a bit shocked. She was suspicious after I'd gone and apparently her Hs friend has said I tried it on with her H!!!
Shes text this morning saying she's in bits and wants the truth.
I don't know whether to tell her or not because I don't want to lose her friendship and I know she'll 'shoot the messenger'.
WWYD? What a fucking arsehole.

OP posts:
Lweji · 29/12/2013 13:27

You'll probably lose her friendship if you don't tell, anyway, because she'll believe her friends and him.
She can do what she likes with the truth.

FunkyBoldRibena · 29/12/2013 13:28

I left because your husband did x and y. I am not interested really in pursuing this friendship after his behaviour. I'm sorry you are married to such a prick. I know he's a prick as he grabbed my hand and pressed it against said prick. That's why I left.

InTheRedCorner · 29/12/2013 13:29

Tell her the truth and get ready to lose the friendship I'm afraid.

I'd explain that she was a good friend and there would be no possible reason why you would repay her kindness by hitting on her DH

LastOneDancing · 29/12/2013 13:29

I'd tell the truth. What choice do you have if some third party is already telling lies and making this your fault?

She might believe you if the H has form for being a disgusting prick.

Sorry this happened OP Sad

picklesrule · 29/12/2013 13:29

tell her the truth! Its almost certainly not the first time he has done it so she may not even be surprised.
If you don't tell the truth you will lose her friendship anyway.. at least this way you will also be letting her see what a horrid man she is married to.

Xoticdreamz · 29/12/2013 13:32

Your poor friend , what a complete penis her husband is . What else can you do apart from tell the truth ? I bet he has done similar before.

Shitballs · 29/12/2013 13:32

Tell her the truth. She won't want to hear it or believe you but it will be out there. I suspect your friendship is over anyway sadly.

RandomMess · 29/12/2013 13:33

Urghhhhhhhhhhhh

How about "I think your h must have been really drunk because x y z is what happened so I decided it was time to leave"

BrianTheMole · 29/12/2013 13:34

Tell her the truth. She's asking you. Do not take the blame for his bad behavior

AppleYumYum · 29/12/2013 13:35

Yes I agree, you'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't unfortunately, what a crappy situation to be put in. So I'd be honest with her and tell her exactly what happened and why you went home, face to face if you can as eye contact and expression are important with these things. She may well shoot the messenger initially, but may come round once she's calmed down or if it happens again with someone else and she realises you were telling the truth. I bet he has form in this and it won't be the first time...

pictish · 29/12/2013 13:36

Another one saying tell the truth. You have nothing to hide, so don't.
She might fall out with you, but let's face it, the friendship is cracked anyway. Why would you lie?

I think she'll believe you anyway. What she does about that is up to her.

I'm really sorry this happened to you. What a pig.

muddylettuce · 29/12/2013 13:37

What FunkyBoldRibena said.

CailinDana · 29/12/2013 13:38

He sexually assaulted you. She needs to know that. It's probably not the first time he's done it.

cupcake78 · 29/12/2013 13:40

You've for to tell her! She may or may not believe you but either way I don't see how you can do anything other than tell her.

scaevola · 29/12/2013 13:41

I think it's in her interests to know what her DH is like, so her marriage is conducted on the basis of what is actually happening - if people cover up entirely what he does, and the wife is the last to know, it's a horribly lonely position for her.

That said, you don't want to hurt her. Can you pull your punches? Something along the lines of 'well he got a bit flirty (or other description) when we went out for a fag, but I thought he was just drunk'

scaevola · 29/12/2013 13:42

Scrub that - I've just reread more carefully. It was seen, and he's trying to shift the blame to you.

Tell the truth.

Lweji · 29/12/2013 13:45

He sexually assaulted you

This.

BohemianGirl · 29/12/2013 13:45

Have you told your H about this? This has the potential to really explode into a nasty mess.

You've had a couple of good lines up the thread to tell her - but do not take ownership of his behaviour. I' would be going for the "he's a bit lairy when drunk" route too. You won't be the first he's tried it on with, you wont be the last either. I'd be curious if any of your other colleagues have ever been in this situation.

ashamedoverthinker · 29/12/2013 13:46

tell the truth - maintain dignity

FolkGirl · 29/12/2013 13:47

I'd tell her the whole truth. Afterall, it's hardly a secret and at the moment she's getting some shitty lie version of what happened where you acted like a shit.

When in fact, he did.

scottishmummy · 29/12/2013 13:47

Short factual response,stick to facts.he tried it on,you declined
Your friendship may not survive this depends on if she believe him
Horrid man to do that to you

FolkGirl · 29/12/2013 13:47

I'd also tell the police.

Lweji · 29/12/2013 13:48

My guess is she's not believing him and that's why she asked you.

scottishmummy · 29/12/2013 13:50

I also wouldn't embellish with flirty,Lairg whatever description
Stick to fact,without warning,no encouragement he tried it on.you declined

CailinDana · 29/12/2013 13:52

He did not "try it on" whatever the fuck that means. He groped the OP, tried to kiss her and put her hand on his penis even though she showed no interest and told him to stop. If my dh did that to a friend he would be out on his ear.