Friends 'D' H tried it on, advice please

[JustDrive]

I really don't know what to do right now.
Met a really great girl through work and we both have similar aged kids and loads in common. She's been like a rock to me after splitting with my H, wouldn't have coped without her.
Anyway last night she invited me out with her husband and group of friends as my H had DS for the night. Was the first time I'd met them or her H.
We went into town and a lot of booze was had, her H became more and more friendly which did make me feel uncomfortable.
By the late evening he was groping my bum etc. told him to stop.
Later on we were outside smoking and he tried to kiss me!! Put my hand on his cock and said 'see what you do to me' omg I feel sick reliving this. So I left. He followed. Tried it on basically and I said no.
Anyway I went home a bit shaken and upset because my friend really is lovely and I'm a bit shocked. She was suspicious after I'd gone and apparently her Hs friend has said I tried it on with her H!!!
Shes text this morning saying she's in bits and wants the truth.
I don't know whether to tell her or not because I don't want to lose her friendship and I know she'll 'shoot the messenger'.
WWYD? What a fucking arsehole.

Yep, it has nothing to do with OP being single and everything to do with the bloke involved being a nasty, sleazy creep.

There is always one (or two) apologists for sexual assault

OP, tell your friend the truth. Good luck.

No wonder disclosure and reporting of sexual assault is under reported,give some pov expressed here

Yes I know, it's disgraceful! Please pay no attention OP

Can you check if there was CCTV in the smoking area? If so you should report this assault to the police and ask them to check it for evidence. That would show this idiot that he can't go around assaulting women.

Tell her in detail. It's up to her what she does with that information

Tell her. Why on earth would you take the blame and cover for this bloke?!

It is a shame that we, women, tend to consider these assaults almost a normal part of life and not worthy of the hassle of going to the police.

At the very least I'd hope that these men get a fright and think again about treating women like objects.

I wonder if he has much respect for your friend at home, JustDrive.

Does her H know why your marriage ended?

She probably told her H and the cheeky prick thought the op would be "up for it".
Her friend might think that too unless she tells the truth.

You could show her this thread and introduce her to mumsnet. Maybe she could do with some advice?

How would he think that if she had already told him not to touch her bum?
And if he followed her outside?

It's a big jump in imagination to assume that just because a woman is single that she'd be up to shag any men, married or whatever.

Only pricks would make that assumption.

Sparkly wtf has that got to do with anything ?

The h tried it on and sexually harassed op because he is a sleazy bastard , not because of Op marriage failure /affair .

It's actually not her fault . Mr h sleazy would have done this to any femail in the immediate vicinity .

Tell her.

Also quite shocked that people are saying someone shouldn't report a sexual assault like this for y x and z reasons (his word against hers, friends on his side, no CCTV). It is understandable that some people do not feel able to report crime but this should not be on the basis of what evidence they speculate does or does not exist. It is the Police's job to investigate crime. You don't have to provide them with hard evidence before considering reporting a crime. Reporting crime which cannot be 'solved' or prosecuted still assists the authorities in developing a better picture of crime and criminals. "Every little helps", especially in developing crime prevention strategy. He committed an offence.

Anyway, yes, if you feel happy to- report this to the Police. If you do not feel able to but think you need some support, contact Victim Support. You don't have to report a crime to get some support from them.

I hope your friend sees through this man. The best case scenario is that she does, and you keep your friendship. The worst case scenario is that she doesn't, and you lose your friendship. But a middle ground; losing a friendship but knowing you (sort of) helped a woman leave an absolute douchebag is good too.

Send your friend link to this thread .then we can point her to a great lawyer after she's read this .

Ops friend " ditch the sleaze bag "

I don't think sparkly meant it was OP's fault

I expect she was wondering if he further falls into prick category by imagining because she has is single she must be gagging for it, or because she had an affair she is up for a bit of friendly sexual assault with him.

Lweji, are you calling me a prick or her friends husband?

IMO.op priority is her own well being she in no way needs to consider her friends marriage or potential ramifications

I agree with those saying not to dress it up or down.

This man did far far more than just "try it on". If someone told me that my DH had tried it on with her I'd assume a "How about you and me getting it on" type of verbal advance, not what this bloke did to you.

Stick to the absolute truth, starting with him following you around.

What an utter bastard. I highly doubt it'll be the first time. Hopefully she'll ditch him and with luck your friendship can be salvaged.

Neil, people who to assume that just because a woman is single that she'd be up to shagging any men, married or whatever.

I think the CCTV thing is important if it can be used to call his bluff. If he thinks there is evidence of him assaulting her he is less likely to try and stick to his lie.

This really is awful for you as you have to see this woman at work each time you are there.

If you go to the police to report for assault remember you will stop this happening to someone else - hopefully but that has to be your choice.

Unfotunately when you divorce many married men make advances thinking you are available to them, there minds are warped and it is a very common theme

I think the whole he got too flirty and so I left is fine OP. I understand you don't want to break them up.

This is a serious situation and I would do it in steps, telling the truth the whole time. If she wants you to further expand on the flirty comment, I would probably say that she is a good friend and you don't really want to say. If she perseveres I would tell her the whole story and you could even try excusing his behaviour on the drink. That's probably what I would do.

I hope you will consider reporting sexual assault to the police. You mention that you don't want to damage his family--however he is the one who's chosen to commit assault. Most police forces have received trainings now in how to deal with sexual assault, so it is highly unlikely you'll get the dumb old tropes of "Well, you'd had a drink!" (If you do, complain!) Even if no cautions are issued, there will be a record for the next time he assaults/harasses someone.