Whatnext074 is now handfulofcottonbuds - thread continued

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Both my previous threads have reached their maximum postings so I have decided to NC from Whatnext074 to handfulofcottonbuds - thank you to walkacrossthesand for suggesting it as it makes me smile.

My previous thread is here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1902849-Whatnext074-thread-continued still don't know how to convert links

I have had amazing support and advice from MNers since my H left me for OW - over 3 months on and I still can't believe this has happened.

Thank you to all those lurkers and de-lurkers who have contacted me to say that they have found the advice given on my threads really helpful to them too which is mainly why I am continuing my thread.

I have felt so many emotions, been distraught, desperate, strong, indifferent, weak, scared, independent and sad. What has helped is knowing I'm not alone and knowing there is always someone on MN who offers a hand and I will always be grateful for that.

I have a challenging few months ahead, mediation in January and divorce shortly after and moving out of my home. I am scared right now about my future, for 11 years, I knew my future would be with my H and we could handle anything but now I have to find who I am and create my own future.

Thank you for all your support - I cannot tell you how much it helps xxx

They must know, they are just minimising. He will have told them it wAs over with you a long time ago etc etc. I wonder what they think about him not bothering to contact your DS. Which is truly despicable behaviour. How is your DS? Has he got supportive friends?

My PIL haven't contacted my DS either and apparently never mention him, just say how much this has affected them but they want my H to be happy. I will never see them again and that's a good thing, self centred a.holes.

My DS is okay, he found it really hard over C/mas but he went away for new year and I think it helped, also helped him to see me getting back on track when he was back. He has good friends thank goodness.

Hello Cotton, glad to see you are feeling brighter. My first Xmas was hell but once over with it is amazing how much better you feel.

Joined a cheap gym today and reduced intake of caffeine ( explains why I am sitting here with raging head ache).

This is my year to get some financial stability in my life ( or the bits that I can control anyway) and sort out my housing situation. I need to do some research on various options re house and decidd what is best for me and children. Then I need to deal with STBXH. Hoho !!

I do find it strange that none of them contacted your son after him being part of their life for so long (even a card?) - were they close or was the relationship always stilted?

itwillgetbettersoon - good luck with the gym and the reduced caffeine. I reduced my caffeine intake years ago and felt much better for it. My Pilates starts again next week so am looking forward to that.

bluesky - yes, they were close and no, not even a card. My SIL says that her and my BIL (H's DB) are so mad with PIL as when they speak about my H, they haven't mentioned my DS once or considered how he would be feeling. I know my DS has been affected by that too but we know we are better off without them in our life.

My H wants FIL to come to house to help him sort guttering out to keep cost down, there is no way I will agree to that now. He'll either have to pay for a roofer or agree to my DS holding the ladder carefully of course

Laughing at the ladder holding!

Unbelievable that DS didn't even get a card from his grandparents . Blimey- it says a lot about them.

My ex's parents went out of their way to support his EXW. They don't live locally but they visited regularly, did jobs for her, took her and DDs out for dinner. It's not her fault he's a dick.

....which is exactly why we don't miss them at all and probably why they only have 2 friends!

Yep. Def. they sound fairly crap anyway so their loss. I take it you didn't get a card then ? You and DS haven't ACTUALLY done anything wrong. Flabbergasted.

I do think it says a lot about them Handful and probably explains where your ex gets his cold streak from. Even more admirable that his DB seems to have bypassed that trait and has some compassion.

Yes explains lack of friends! You can understand them supporting their son even when disappointed its natural isn't it? But doesn't mean that as a responsible parent you give them a free pass to behave as badly as they want - Apple didn't fall far from the tree in their family did it!

No bluesky it didn't. My MIL is horrible, didn't say anything to me when I lost our babies. My H always worried he was going to turn out like her, seems he has, it's definitely in the genes and his DB is the only normal one who is disgusted with his behaviour and his parents.

They sound very narcissistic -all about their feelings and their lives, no great loss to you.

2014 can be the year when you fill your life with positive people.

I intend to bluesky, this has taught me so much!

Def bluesky - quality friends not quantity. I have lost a few along the way but I treasure the ones I have. My best mate from uni is visiting next weekend and I value that.

cotton my New Years resolution is to buy an extra item every time I shop and donate to food bank . Too many lovely caring parents on MN struggling. Time to do something constructive .

You got anything you plan to do / not do in 2014?

Hey handful - just checking in that you have not heard from Mr Happy today - did your brothers Rambo message do the job?

What will he put on his Monday instead of "hassle wife"? -"Clip toenails" "trim nose hair" "brush tongue"

Hey cottons...
Hope you're ok
Xx

Hi Cotton, saw you posting on another thread. You seem a little stronger? Hope you are.

bluesky brush tongue you're so bad funny though

Evening handfulocb how was dancing on Saturday? Did you get some endorphins going?

mrsmciver - I am worried about her.

I am feeling stronger thank goodness. Haven't heard from FWH and I suspect he is learning German to impress OW.

Dancing really helped thanks x

Yes, me too. I have a feeling she has gone to bed now as she said she was very tired. It is so awful though. Would never wish that on anyone, it is sheer hell.
But glad you are feeling a little better yourself.

mrsm and cotton , just wanted to say what great advice you are passing on in the other thread. You are both very well placed to support her and it goes to show that you are both stronger than you were, to be able to do that.

I remember somebody saying the same to me and I wanted to say it to you both.

skye - what an absolutely lovely thing for you to say x

I can see now how worried everyone on here was about me. It's so hard to see a way out when you are in despair but I took everything on board that people said to me. I really, really feel for her.

When I wake up lately, my first thought isn't of my H, it's of me. I'm doing okay at the moment and almost wish I didn't have mediation this month as I don't want to drag it all up again but I know I have to start ending the limbo of a broken marriage that I'm in.

I need my maiden name back too.

Surely you can start using your maiden name whenever you want cant you - I know if I were in that situation it would be a really powerful gesture.

You probably will have another wobble around the mediation, he isnt going to do what you want and he is going to be a shit, you know that, hes not going to get his way without rubbishing your relationship and bringing up the lack of joint children so go,very clear on what you want, in with the knowledge he is going to be a complete bastard.

Then come on here and have a moan to us afterwards - you survived your sons father, you survived your losses and the night we were all worried about you, you can do it.

Thank you skye, really appreciate what you said. I don't know if I am feeling much stronger and there is such a lot going on now that I cannot disclose and I am under so much pressure with it but it has to be done and maybe one day I will start a new thread and let you all know what has been happening.
So glad your first thought is of you cotton, it shows you are moving forward. x

bluesky - I could change my surname but I want it to all be as part of the whole ending if that makes sense? I will come on here for support, who knows what manipulation he'll use.

mrsmciver - I'm sorry you're having a difficult time but you are being so supportive to others x

Hi, I take it your EXH is back from his hols? Has it been a lot quieter since your DB intervened?