Whatnext074 is now handfulofcottonbuds - thread continued

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Both my previous threads have reached their maximum postings so I have decided to NC from Whatnext074 to handfulofcottonbuds - thank you to walkacrossthesand for suggesting it as it makes me smile.

My previous thread is here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1902849-Whatnext074-thread-continued still don't know how to convert links

I have had amazing support and advice from MNers since my H left me for OW - over 3 months on and I still can't believe this has happened.

Thank you to all those lurkers and de-lurkers who have contacted me to say that they have found the advice given on my threads really helpful to them too which is mainly why I am continuing my thread.

I have felt so many emotions, been distraught, desperate, strong, indifferent, weak, scared, independent and sad. What has helped is knowing I'm not alone and knowing there is always someone on MN who offers a hand and I will always be grateful for that.

I have a challenging few months ahead, mediation in January and divorce shortly after and moving out of my home. I am scared right now about my future, for 11 years, I knew my future would be with my H and we could handle anything but now I have to find who I am and create my own future.

Thank you for all your support - I cannot tell you how much it helps xxx

A day date at a time .

If I were you, I would put those moments into your memory bank and summon them when your Ex is well, being himself. They will soon outweigh his awfulness and you will soon be wafting into the sunset barely remembering his name... x

Ooh do let us know about the date with the gorgeous man! And good luck!

Thank you, I will x

Ooh cotton is dating.. What you planning to wear....gold sparkly hot pants?

Haha R&B - I have no idea! I was going to wear a dress but now I'm thinking of jeggings, little boots a top, all in black with a statement red scarf. He's 6 foot tall so might need heels. Depends on the weather too, I might turn up with my raincoat and a hat on!

How are you doing lovely?

Urgh! My stbxh has just emailed me, I asked him a while back if he wanted our wedding album. He has replied saying he doesn't know what his feelings are on the wedding album yet - what on earth does that mean? Either he wants it or he doesn't - idiot!

He's coming to collect his weights etc in a couple of weeks, not that they have any effect on his skinny body!

Handful...the date outfit sounds perfect. That's all a bit exciting . Just imagine, all of your MN cheerleaders packed in to the meeting place on Tuesday!!! All standing on tippy toes trying to get a better glimpse of Mr. 6ft Hottie. Haha!

I think that your ex has responded like that to the album as to say yes or no is answering you. To answer the way he did he's keeping control, you have to wait on a further response to him, so he's got the power ifyswim? Idiot man. How about you ask 6ft hottie to be visiting you when mr. Skinny turns up to get the weights??? Haha!!! That would stop him in his tracks wouldn't it?! Lol.

Hope you've had an ok weekend.
Hugs x

mamma - as always you make me smile. I got an instant headache when I got the email. I had previously asked him to clear his things out of the loft and he said they are of no consequence to him (!)

You are right and have put things into perspective for me, he still cannot give a straight answer and strangely still wants some kind of bizarre control. I haven't seen him since January, it will be very strange to see him at the end of the month. I hope he looks like sh*t again. If he doesn't - I hope I don't care.

Pity it's not way down the line and I could have loving photos all round the living room of Mr Fit! Although I'm not doing this to make my stbxh jealous.

I realised when I got his email that I hadn't even thought of him for about a week! That's a little progress x

That's great progress!! No, I genuinely know you're not doing it to make you'd stb ex jealous (I think you're on a totally different level to that now) but its a bloody good feeling to stick two fingers up and be able to say with (almost 100%) conviction..." Look how good my life is despite what you did and look how strong I am, I've picked myself up and dusted myself off you total cockface".

The awkward-bastard routine is classic arsehole behaviour. It's why my ex still won't agree to set times to see the girls. As much as he loves them, he loves having control over the situation more.

That's so unfair in your girls but the important thing is that they have one constant in their life and that's you - that's why me and my DS are so close. His Dad is a FW too!

You have such a way with words that always makes me feel better

My stbxh has 'kindly' put money in my account for a skip that I am having delivered at the weekend to clear all his crap in the garden! Whatever makes him feel good

Ha! Well that's a turn up for the books!!! A whole skip?! He has moved forward from the days of a book of 6 first class stamps!! Bet he feels really reasonable and mature paying for that. At least you got him to agree and you're not paying for it yourself- you did well to hold out. The skip filling exercise can be a form of therapy for you...chuck out all the shite from the past and make room for the new.

You've done so bloody amazingly. I know you've had a low month or so but really, look how much you've progressed and moved forward and it's not even a year yet. I know you're in the thick of it and you probably can't see the wood for the trees but really, you just keep going. Please be proud of yourself. Imagine in another year?! Honestly, sooner than you think this whole episode will be a memory resigned to a place in your memory bank that you won't have to deal with very often at all. You said you haven't thought of him for a week. Not so far in the future you'll go months without giving him a thought. Hold onto that my lovely.
Xx

a whole book of 1st class stamps - God, I was a fool

Thanks mamma xx

Blimey he paid for the skip? I had to fork out £100 of my hard earned cash (I have two jobs) for my DDs dads cellar crap. Least you will have a crap free garden which should makes things look a bit brighter nice for when Me Tall visits. And it'll feel good to chuck it all away , gives you that bit of control back.

R&B - it's all his crap! I put it in my solicitor's letter that he pay for it, he offered to fill it a couple of months ago but I didn't want him here. I said I have someone to help me - he doesn't know my family are coming this weekend to help me, let him wonder - if he cares.

Ha, cross post mamma great minds.

Stamps my arse

Yeah, but its great to throw someone elses shite away.

So glad your family are helping, I picture you with lots if cups of tea and big fat slices of cake - holding bits of your ex's crap up and laughing... Sorry but he's been a knob.

stamps! and I did it - what a fool!!!

I have a date in 2 days!! Trying to stay grounded

Haha..to the stamps. What a dickhead.

"erm, Mr Fit - don't mind that lot, they are just my cheer leaders. Yes, I know mamma looks good in gold hot pants, get me another Pinot"

Whoo hoo to the date. Just so exciting. Keep thinking I should try online dating but I'm asleep by 8.30 some nights and live in a world full of hand painting, postman pat, Disney princesses and play dough. I just don't feel grown up and sexy enough to chat to a man!!!! In a few years maybe...

Hahahaha!!! You better go somewhere with enough room for all 250 of us. Somewhere nice and quiet so we can hear the convo... Hahahaha

mamma - those are the precious times x

We're going to the Harvester as it's close to him and he has 2 little DS's that live with him and he doesn't want to be too far away for the first date. mamma - do not upstage me if you're coming!

Er...IF I'm coming??? Of course I bloody am! Oh ok then, I'll not wear the gold hot pants, I don't want to put everyone off of their food wondering who the Gisele look alike is hanging around the salad cart

I forgot they have a salad cart, haven't been to a Harvester since my 15th birthday! I like that he's down to earth.