Whatnext074 is now handfulofcottonbuds - thread continued

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Both my previous threads have reached their maximum postings so I have decided to NC from Whatnext074 to handfulofcottonbuds - thank you to walkacrossthesand for suggesting it as it makes me smile.

My previous thread is here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1902849-Whatnext074-thread-continued still don't know how to convert links

I have had amazing support and advice from MNers since my H left me for OW - over 3 months on and I still can't believe this has happened.

Thank you to all those lurkers and de-lurkers who have contacted me to say that they have found the advice given on my threads really helpful to them too which is mainly why I am continuing my thread.

I have felt so many emotions, been distraught, desperate, strong, indifferent, weak, scared, independent and sad. What has helped is knowing I'm not alone and knowing there is always someone on MN who offers a hand and I will always be grateful for that.

I have a challenging few months ahead, mediation in January and divorce shortly after and moving out of my home. I am scared right now about my future, for 11 years, I knew my future would be with my H and we could handle anything but now I have to find who I am and create my own future.

Thank you for all your support - I cannot tell you how much it helps xxx

Great timing to find this HAPPY BIRTHDAY and

Hope you are having a great evening with your wonderful son

Happy birthday, the best is yet to come.

Happy birthday hun, 40 is the next 21 you know . (Something like that )

waves at cjel - how's your pain the neck?

Wow - thank you all so much for your good wishes.

My DS said in my card, '40 is the new black' - made me smile!

I had the most wonderful day with my DSIL and nephew and I'm just back from a lovely meal that my DS treated me to. He said I am the best Mum and he wanted to do something for me for a change. I feel so blessed and happy today.

My house is very 'pink', I am surrounded by flowers and looking forward to a weekend with my family. So very different to the turmoil I had over C/mas.
xx

Glad you had a lovely day...your son is great.

More fun to be had at the weekend! Glad you're being spoilt- you deserve it.

x

Excellent- being a 'special' birthday gives you licence to frag it out for days... Nay WEEKS! "But it's my birthday"...

Enjoy enjoy enjoy. I'm smiling at your pink house.

My house is starting to be taking over by 50's retro prints.... Why the hell not!

And my mum is buying me a drill (wonder if they have them in pink)

Its your 40th? You young whippersnapper, you . Time to get your groove on now, lots of lovely new experiences and opportunities and hobbies you are free to enjoy now. Glad to hear you had a lovely day, nothing like good family around to spoil you and make you feel great. Enjoy the upcoming family weekend too xx

'Frag'??! WTF. DRAG.

I've not posted in this thread before but have followed. You're doing brilliantly Cotton. Happy Birthday. Life definitely begins today for you! xxx

I found you again! Happy birthday, hope it was fabulous .

Don't let the bastard get you down.

oh happy belated birthday cotton!

Sounds like you're having a fabulous time. There's no stopping this woman!

I read a sentence in a newspaper the other day, to the effect that guilty people often blame the innocent. Whatever, I hope he crashes and burns tbf.

Hello Cotton. What a long way you have traveled since I posted on your original thread during that horrid night. I'm so very pleased that you had a wonderful birthday my love. It sounds like a very special day and you have so many fabulous things ahead of you. Huge love x

an update and a rant

I filed for divorce under adultery a few weeks ago and my H hasn't contested it, I applied to the courts and the judge has agreed that I have grounds for divorce so I can apply for my Decree Nisi - so it was all going well - until I got my H's Form E and bank statements.

It's full of lies and I am so

1. it is clear now that his affair was going on for a lot longer than I thought from all the hotel stays and meals out, theatres, museums, plays etc

2. it appears he was taking days off work to be with her, all the while coming back, playing the 'devoted' H with me and sleeping in our bed

3. the majority of his transactions are through pay pal which doesn't detail what they are for

4. they are now living in a beautiful house in an elite area, not to far from me

5. he earns shed loads but insists he only has £1k to his name and the rest is paid on credit cards

6. he has lied about our standard of living when we were together and really played it down

7. there are so many hotel stays and he will just be able to explain that as work travel

8. he has said I contributed nothing to the house (!)

He initially said he would give me all the equity in the house but now he wants half and on top of that, he wants £15k to pay his parents back the deposit which was a gift to us. He has said we both agreed to this when we bought the house if we ever split up - we never spoke about splitting up!!

Full disclosure costs an incredible amount of money but I probably have no choice now but to go down this route.

Oh and he hasn't declared his OW's income as he was meant to, he just put 'unknown'.

I am so mad. They both together have an enormous income but he and his parents are trying to grab so much money - I've been through enough. He'll never do the decent thing.

I just want this to end. I was one step away from contacting him in my rage but a friend talked sense into me and I'm glad.

Finally, it's taken a while, but finally I hate him so much!

Hello lovely x
I think about you a lot and have been wondering how you're getting on.
Well he's even more of a prize prick than previously thought. They deserve each other. I am so sorry he is continuing to lie, cheat and hurt you. In a way though, perhaps showing his true colours in this way is helping you to see how well rid you are. You were so dignified by not contacting him. I don't know if many people would be so restrained!
What advice are you getting from your solicitor? Stay strong. You're a marvel x

Thank you so much mrscraig

I opened it at 6pm, then promptly opened a bottle of wine and was so close to contacting him but a friend was there to talk me through it instead.

I have no regrets for divorcing him, I would never consider us being back together and I don't think of what might have been anymore - he crushed all of that. In fact I rarely think of him at all but now I have to and I know it's part of the process.

I'm angry about the money grabbing but I'm also angry at now knowing it was going on for longer while he played me and my family.

My solicitor has gone on maternity leave now so I have a new solicitor and I really hope he is as good.

He is beyond contempt! I just want this over.

How are you doing lovely? xx

I can completely understand how the depth of his deceit has dealt a blow. His selfishness is staggering. I really struggle to comprehend how someone can lead such a double life. How can they look at their reflection in the mirror every morning and not be riddled with shame?
How is your lovely son doing?

He's outwardly doing okay but his health is suffering a bit. He's seeing the doctor regularly though. Even my DM said recently, my H will never realise the pain he's caused not only me but the whole family.

So - all of my H's tears, unkempt appearance and hanging his head in shame is all an act!! Nasty, horrible piece of work!

I just don't know where I go now legally but hopefully my solicitor will be useful and not airy fairy!

I've followed your thread and you're amazing. What a pathetic man he's proved to be. Stay strong. You have your dignity and integrity. He's unworthy of your attention. Sounds like good legal advice needed ( annoying though when it costs so much) x

Your dm is so right. These people have no idea the depth of their hurt, or the extent to which the ripples are felt.

Did he ever contact your ds? His lack of care for your ds afterwards shows him for the nasty piece of shit he is...

Xx

No mamma, he never contacted my DS and neither did his toxic parents.

onmyown thank you lovely x

I've just had a closer look at his statements, most of the transactions are through paypal or credit cards but I can see that he has been spending £100s at a time in Harrods, Fortnum and Mason, All Saints and Ted Baker!! What an a.hole!!!!

So many hotel stays, meals out, he's living the f*ing dream!

He will get caught out one day I'm sure. Just keep your dignity and be proud of how you have behaved.

My STBXH did the same - took days off work. Long work lunches. So when people say that their Hs don't have the time to have an affair I think there is always a way.

Keep on posting here. You are doing really well.

That just shows exactly what type of people they are. Arseholes.

He's taking the piss...I truly hope your solicitor is good and gets you what you deserve. If there's any justice then you'll get a good outcome.

I agree, there is always a way and they are devious beyond belief!

All I want, all I need is enough for a place for me and my DS, makes me so angry that he's hiding money and paying out £100s on his 'perfect' lifestyle with OW with no flipping morals!!!

I am maintaining my dignity but at the moment it's a little harder than in recent months.

They both disgust me!

He'll get what's coming to him...truly believe that. He'll most likely end up a lonely old man with nobody in his life.