Whatnext074 is now handfulofcottonbuds - thread continued

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Both my previous threads have reached their maximum postings so I have decided to NC from Whatnext074 to handfulofcottonbuds - thank you to walkacrossthesand for suggesting it as it makes me smile.

My previous thread is here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1902849-Whatnext074-thread-continued still don't know how to convert links

I have had amazing support and advice from MNers since my H left me for OW - over 3 months on and I still can't believe this has happened.

Thank you to all those lurkers and de-lurkers who have contacted me to say that they have found the advice given on my threads really helpful to them too which is mainly why I am continuing my thread.

I have felt so many emotions, been distraught, desperate, strong, indifferent, weak, scared, independent and sad. What has helped is knowing I'm not alone and knowing there is always someone on MN who offers a hand and I will always be grateful for that.

I have a challenging few months ahead, mediation in January and divorce shortly after and moving out of my home. I am scared right now about my future, for 11 years, I knew my future would be with my H and we could handle anything but now I have to find who I am and create my own future.

Thank you for all your support - I cannot tell you how much it helps xxx

Following my solicitor letter informing my H that I won't attend anymore mediation sessions after his behaviour and lack of preparation, I got a letter from his solicitor today.

It says my H is 'disappointed' in me for 'refusing' to try and sort out the finances amicably at mediation. It says that I didn't bring the required evidence and he is prepared to attend another meeting so I can provide this and reach a speedy solution.

I am so mad!!! He didn't fill his form in, HE didn't bring any financial evidence, HE refused to provide OWs financial details as he said it was none of my business even though they are moving in together. HE sat there rolling his eyes, tutting and making rude noises, HE interrupted me and shouted at ME for telling lies .

I was so damn well prepared that even the mediator told my H that I am very well organised.

His solicitor also said that my H will agree to my petition for divorce under adultery IF the fees are agreeable to him!!!

It's my birthday tomorrow, I'm going to be 40. I can't help but think that he has waited 2 weeks to send this reply in the hope that I would have got it on my birthday.

He's living in a land of make believe - there really is no end to his lies!

How annoying Cotton - raging on your behalf! What do you think you need to do now? (Other than put his solicitor straight about a few things...)
He'll agree to your petition if the fees are agreeable - what's that got to do with you? It's between him and his solicitor, I imagine. And if they are not agreeable - well, he's the one who wants to divorce.

Happy Brthday tomorrow - what have you got planned? (my 40th i got a tattoo, and had acupuncture, and (thought about) a bellybutton peircing!)

I am the one who filed but he has been told the judge will expect him to pay the court fees if it's under adultery. If he's admitted it then surely he can't barter with fees as to whether he defends it or not.

For some reason after months of insisting, he then said there's no need to divorce - even though he's getting a place with OW!

I feared this game-playing would start, he will do anything to defend his reputation. Sooner he's nothing to do with me, the better!

I'm spending the day with my SIL and new nephew tomorrow and then have a weekend of family events in London - 13 of us, after not wanting to do anything, I'm so looking forward to it now.

I have been toying with the idea of a tattoo, but then wouldn't know where to put it. I got my bellybutton pierced in my 20s, took it out when I was 30 as my H hated it.

Handful, Happy Birthday-Eve

I suppose this was all to be expected but it is still infuriating that he thinks he is smarter than everyone and that his lies will not be found out. He's not very bright if he thinks that he can re-write history with lawyers looking at everything. He will do anything to salvage what he thinks is his reputation, but that is of no concern to you. Your priority, after having a brilliant birthday, is to make sure you get shot of him PDQ and have a fair settlement.

At what point did he think he had any more control over this situation... deciding whether to go this way or that, depending on the fees? We know what way he is going and his backside is starting to feel the point of your stilettos!

I must say, your posts are almost the exact opposite of what you posted initially. Anger is good and you must continue to use it to dump this waste of space. A tattoo or something else - enjoy deciding what you want to do and then go and do it.

nevergrowingup - thank you. I am a different person now, been a long journey but I'm getting there.

Yes - he thinks he has control over this situation, he hasn't! Hate the whole thing that I am the one refusing to do reasonable things. I've driven this to end for months. He has what he wants, why can't he just get on with that?!

If he ever cries in front of me again, I'll tell him to jog on.

Thank you for the birthday wishes, I will be surrounded by all those I love x

What I can see from the sidelines that the care and love of your family has brought you to where you are today. Whatever his reasons, he has chosen to throw that away oh, and blame you for the fallout - just for good measure. He lost the right to be treated with respect the day he turned his back on you.

He's crying for himself and sounds more and more like a toddler stamping his feet, having a hissy fit. I'm sure you will remember seeing that with your own DS and will have plenty of experience how to deal with it .

And by the way, at what point was he awarded the right to decide what was reasonable. He wouldn't know the word, even if it slapped him in the face! xx

Cotton - divorce will be a darn sight cheaper if he doesn't contest it! If he just signs and puts up, then the costs will be just the petition and court costs, surely? i know someone who spent £15000 trying to file for adultery against his wife; in the end he caved and went for Unreasonable Behaviour. At that point she admitted her affair...
Anyway - have a lovely time tomorrow (my tatt is somewhere it#s not visible in normal clothes )

at what point was he awarded the right to decide what was reasonable. He wouldn't know the word, even if it slapped him in the face!

Exactly!!

captain - I totally agree with you. He's even admitted an affair to the mediator, his solicitor and my solicitor - where have his brains gone?!

I know he intended for me to get that letter on or around my birthday and even gave me 7 days to reply. FWH!! He's got what he wants, why drag it out?

On a nicer note, my tutor has said I can move up to the advanced class for Pilates and I came home to a beautiful bunch of flowers from my DS. Love him

Hi lovely...

Firstly...happy birthday for tomorrow!!

Secondly...what a bloody cock. He's unreal. Yes, I bet he did wait to try to get it to you on your birthday. Bloody nasty. Best advice as always is not to rise to it. You are so having the last laugh...you see through him now and know exactly what he is about.

Best quote from your posts today

"If he ever cries in front of me again I'll tell him to jog on"

That's my girl :)

and more for my fabulous MN friend....happy birthday darling xx

mamma

I like to get the phrase 'jog on' into a sentence at least once a day xx

My darling son has told me that he has booked a table somewhere secret tomorrow to take me for dinner!

My stbxh cannot hurt me anymore. If I had let him ultimately hurt me, I would have missed out on so much. Am so grateful for all the support from MN angels x

Happy birthday for tomorrow- you are still so young.

Your son sounds lovely.

Ignore your ex and his silly letter - sounds like it doesn't even deserve a response.

Have a great time in London - get those Pom Pom and hot pants out!!

Thank you itwillgetbettersoon (very apt name) x

I do have to respond, I just emailed my solicitor saying to go ahead with the divorce etc and I stand by my facts of the mediation.

Will have to leave the hot pants at home as my Dad and DBs will be there - not appropriate

Happy birthday for tomorrow cotton. You youngster !

It's bloody shite sending you a letter to land on your birthday . Saying that.. my DDs were upset on my birthday morning last year when they realised their father hadn't made an effort to but me something from them (as I had done for Father's Day, a week earlier).

When I subtly told him how uncomfortable and upset they were he said "I forgot". We lived together for 17yrs. And he forgot my birthday. But then, his parents sent me a card with my surname completely wrong. Maybe your ex TWUNT (love that word) has 'forgotten' your birthday ... He is living in la la land ain't he..,,

Hello R&B, that's awful and very sad for your DDs.

There is no way my H has forgotten what day it is tomorrow, my DS reminded me that he has done something nasty on every special day, my nieces' anniversary, the day my nephew was born etc.

We spent 2 years planning my 40th, going back to our honeymoon place, he will be thinking of me tomorrow - I won't be thinking of him!

My family have sent me cards with my maiden name on, some others have arrived with 'birthday girl' written on them, I think some feel awkward. I don't mind, I will have my identity back soon enough.

Are you working tomorrow? Is your boss still an arse?

Enjoy your day - ok it's not what you envisaged but you're still alive and kicking. Onwards and upwards lovely . And you have a fab DS

Hi WhatNext, I was wondering where you'd gone. Nice to see you're still around. Your H is playing games, isnt he? You see through them clearly though, dont you. Can I just say that frankly, his solicitor sounds weird are you sure its not just a mate of his? His wording in letter re. H being 'disappointed' in you is unprofessional, to say the very least. I think you've got them on the backfoot, and theyre the ones worrying. & all the effort your H is making re. being nasty on special days is a sign that his mind isnt in a good place at all. He claims he wants to move on but clearly, he cant. Tough....

Have a lovely birthday tomorrow, make your day as special as you can. You deserve it

R&B - am off work until next Thursday and yes, she has got worse! Next on my list is getting a new job.

MistressDeeCee - thank you x

Yes, I do see the games clearly now. I am calling his solicitor a plastic lawyer. I have solicitors in the family and there's no way they would word a letter like that. I think he's panicking and I agree, his mind isn't in a good place but tough.

He'll be out of my life soon but for now I won't let him hurt me anymore.

Ha! "Plastic Lawyer", love it! ..the man's rambling.

Yes, the time will come when he certainly wont be able to hurt you anymore. You know, this time next year...before then, actually..you'll look back at parts of this thread and you'll feel and be so different it'll feel strange to you...

Here's to new beginnings and opportunities..enjoy your day

Happy birthday lovely!

Happy Birthday! Have a good one

Happy birthday !!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Cotton xx

My XH ruined my 40th by walking out three weeks before. He told me I could still go ahead with the party..... Twat. He did come back but spent the entire night with OW and her H ignoring me which ruined my evening. He also ruined the holiday I planned for my 40th.

So be thankful that you will spend yours surrounded by people who love you :) without a twunt in sight to ruin it.

I hope you have a fab few days away. You deserve it.

So he couldn't even manage to ensure you received that letter on your birthday, boohoo he Couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery could he? I am wondering if his solicitor deliberately "got it wrong"

This strange stranger he has become has spoilt the last few months for you as you say time for him to jog on

Enjoy your birthday with people who have your happiness and well being at heart, Let him stew on his spite and bitterness.

Happy Birthday! Hope you have a lovely time in London. x

Never posted on this rather extraordinary thread before, but happy birthday for tomorrow! Hope you have a lovely time out with your son - he must be a lovely chap :)