Whatnext074 is now handfulofcottonbuds - thread continued

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Both my previous threads have reached their maximum postings so I have decided to NC from Whatnext074 to handfulofcottonbuds - thank you to walkacrossthesand for suggesting it as it makes me smile.

My previous thread is here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1902849-Whatnext074-thread-continued still don't know how to convert links

I have had amazing support and advice from MNers since my H left me for OW - over 3 months on and I still can't believe this has happened.

Thank you to all those lurkers and de-lurkers who have contacted me to say that they have found the advice given on my threads really helpful to them too which is mainly why I am continuing my thread.

I have felt so many emotions, been distraught, desperate, strong, indifferent, weak, scared, independent and sad. What has helped is knowing I'm not alone and knowing there is always someone on MN who offers a hand and I will always be grateful for that.

I have a challenging few months ahead, mediation in January and divorce shortly after and moving out of my home. I am scared right now about my future, for 11 years, I knew my future would be with my H and we could handle anything but now I have to find who I am and create my own future.

Thank you for all your support - I cannot tell you how much it helps xxx

Well done! See you are that strong independent woman!

Onwards and upwards - time to plan some nice things to look forward to. X

Joy - thank you x

We might not have chosen whats happened, but as long as we make the best of what happens afterwards and make the most of life, we'll be ok

I totally agree!

itwillgetbettersoon - YES, I am her!!!

I have lots of nice things to look forward to which is partly why I have done this now.

Also, I have a big birthday this month x

Just raising my glass to you...the girls are tucked up and sleeping :)

You're son is lovely!! You have so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to :) life will get better and better now.

Oooohhhh...big birthday. Do you have lovely plans? (21 again, yeah??) xx

Ooh mamma, I have just got my wine too!

It's my 30 +10 birthday and I have lovely plans with my girlfriends and also a whole weekend in London with my family, 13 of us!!

So grateful for the support I've had on here

Oh great- that sounds lovely! You know what they say about 40 being the new 30!!

Yes- MN is brilliant. Helped a lot of us... X

cotton well done xx

I felt the same when I had to hand over my certificate, it seems so final. My XH got the letter on his birthday saying that I was filing for divorce. It upset him apparently . He walked out a fortnight before my 40th birthday, and I thought that my life was over, but not quite two years on, I am seeing Mr X and quite happy at the moment.

Here is a to the start of your new, better, happier life

cotton. Another well done here too! You are going onwards and upwards now. x

Thank you both x

I thought about him getting the papers on Valentines Day or my Birthday but then I thought he would think I had done that out of spite or something. So, he will know on 7th February, no significant date to him or me.

I feel nothing at the moment, he has made my decision very easy for me.

I do feel a little excited for my future, is that wrong?

Hi...Big day, I must add I felt a pang when you had to hand over your marriage certificate. Well done for walking tall - reminded of that image if Nicole Kidman punching the air after divorcing Tom .

Just thinking .. If your ex gets the letter tomorrow then he'll mull over it at the weekend ... So watch out on Monday.

So... Have you got some wine open? I like the sound of your birthday plans. Get you!!!!

Hello cotton. I am one of those dreadful people who was brought to MN by the penis beaker thread and lurked for ages before officially joining.

I came across your first thread in my first few days and I have been supporting you in the ether ever since. You have had lots of wonderful people overtly supporting you and giving you shoulders/advice. I just wanted to say that I am sure I am not the only lurker who has been wishing you strength on your journey - gold hot pants, pom poms and all. You fucking rock!!

Oh yes, forgot about Mondays!

Thing is, he has no reason to contact me now and I would hope his solicitor would advise him not to contact me. If he does, it will probably be down the lines of why didn't I tell him before I did it - but then, I think I have the trump card on that. Why didn't he tell me he was sleeping with a colleague!

I have no feelings for him right now and haven't done for a little while.

Yes R&B, wine is open but have to remember that it's a 'school night'.

growingold - I like to read your name as growin' gold

Thank you so much for your very kind words. Had no idea how many MNers were donning the gold hot pants!!

It makes me feel so humble when I have heard that my thread, especially including the amazing support I have received, has helped others in similar situations. I have also been so fortunate for not one person telling me to pull myself together but they have been sensitive to how I have been feeling and post accordingly.

I don't know how hard this is going to get but as I suspected, by waiting until Jan/Feb, I am in a much stronger position mentally.

Night cotton. Hope you crack open some wine tomorrow and make me a brew and we'll have a drink to your new life - I'm excited for you!!!

You've come a long long way.

Thank you R&B - not there just yet....

Perhaps the bulk of the pain was front-loaded ie you got it all at the start. And how! You got through that hideous time, cotton - anything's possible now.

Your boy is heavenly - well done for bringing up such a decent young man.

No it's not wrong to be excited for your future! It's the best thing possible!

I had never thought of it that way springy, I think that could be it. I was such an utter mess and looked so ill.

I actually took a photo of my face when I looked at my worst as I had reached such dark places and I wanted that to be my turning point, I never wanted to look that bad again so took a photo reminder.

Thank you for your kind words.

Hello cotton; I'm another lurker / cheerleader. It's 6pm Friday in Sydney and I am toasting to you & your lovely son, with barely a thought (but that is smug & saying an internal 'up yours dickhead') for the look of shock & 'tantrum' on FW's face in the next few hours...

Have a lovely weekend.

Okay, so now I am so choked up. Genevieve - to know that I even have support from the other side of the world is incredible!

Thank you so much.

I am so lucky as my thread has never been derailed and the support I have received has been invaluable, I can't put into words how grateful I am.

I woke this morning with no regrets.

Morning love...

Am on the train reading this....now humming Robbie Williams 'no regrets'. Welcome to your next chapter :)

Xx

Have a good day, cotton. Hope you have a full and productive weekend planned. Have you told your family ?

Good morning mamma

That song is in my head too now

I actually did hold my glass up and 'cheers' you last night xx

R&B - yes, my family have been with me all along so they have known my plans.

I do have a full weekend, can't actually fit a day in for a long time where I'm doing just nothing but love seeing my calendar so full, spurs me on to see all the things I'm doing. My DS said that last night too, that he's so happy to know I am busy all the time.

Have a good day too R&B

Well done, it's sad that this day had to come but admirable that you are now in control and calling the shots.

If this was an 80s movie you'd be Stallone sparring and jogging to "Eye of the Tiger"

I wouldn't be surprised if you hear from him along the lines of "why didn't you let me know" as he seems to be under the mis apprehension you are friends when it benefits him. It didn't need to be discussed though did it, unfortunately it's a necessary step To enable you to move on with your life.

We didn't need to be hard with you, even at your lowest point we could see that you were not justifying his behaviour and would be ok once you sorted out the conflict between your heart and head.

It is nice to know how you are doing, this birthday can be the start of a whole new chapter for you

Cottonbuds
So glad you've got a lovely weekend planned and Happy Birthday.

I've got a significant birthday in a month too, just organised a get together with friends this week at a local cafe that serves homemade cakes and endles refils of tea and coffee, thought just a few friends would come, but got 10 coming at the moment and still to hear from a few others.

You know life does get better, ten years ago i was in Prague for my birthday, stopped off at Paris on the way back as a surprise for me, but that was my old life, my ex isn't the man he used to be, i wouldn't want the man hes become and the things hes done and is still doing now and it is the start of a whole new chapter.

Have a lovely weekend, you deserve it after whats happened, and heres hoping we both have lovely new decades in front of us, with lots of new friends and events. :)