Whatnext074 is now handfulofcottonbuds - thread continued

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Both my previous threads have reached their maximum postings so I have decided to NC from Whatnext074 to handfulofcottonbuds - thank you to walkacrossthesand for suggesting it as it makes me smile.

My previous thread is here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1902849-Whatnext074-thread-continued still don't know how to convert links

I have had amazing support and advice from MNers since my H left me for OW - over 3 months on and I still can't believe this has happened.

Thank you to all those lurkers and de-lurkers who have contacted me to say that they have found the advice given on my threads really helpful to them too which is mainly why I am continuing my thread.

I have felt so many emotions, been distraught, desperate, strong, indifferent, weak, scared, independent and sad. What has helped is knowing I'm not alone and knowing there is always someone on MN who offers a hand and I will always be grateful for that.

I have a challenging few months ahead, mediation in January and divorce shortly after and moving out of my home. I am scared right now about my future, for 11 years, I knew my future would be with my H and we could handle anything but now I have to find who I am and create my own future.

Thank you for all your support - I cannot tell you how much it helps xxx

It's awful. But u can do it.

Personally, I'd be 5 minutes late so hopefully you'll go straight in. I wouldn't talk to him in the waiting room, no. Don't be hooked in. You're there for one reason- that is to jump through the mediation 'hoop' and come out of this divorce with a fair and decent amount of money.

Think the eh

Think the whole idea of mediation sounds ridiculous. Your h was abusive to you in terms of cheating on you. How can it be 'friendly' ffs?!

Big hug xxxx

Thank you mamma. I hope he looks like a skinny bearded shit who stinks of fags (sorry for language) xx

Hey, you know I'm somebody who loves a swear :) good for the soul.

Have you planned what to wear?? You need to feel totally fabulous so that you feel like the fantastic woman that you are. I always feel quite powerful in heels :) x

I have planned my outfit and bought a new designer jacket in the sale too. I wore it when I met a friend this week and first thing she said was, "you look amazing, love the jacket". I'm so pleased. Oh, and little heeled pixie type boots too that make that 'determined' sound when you walk.

Only thing is, I had my hair cut last week and my fringe was cut too short so I'll have to pin it back it's become my mask so I'm gutted that it won't be there. I know that probably sounds sad but my fringe actually gives me confidence now.

Jacket sounds great...yes!! That's the sound I love about heels...the beat of the heels send out a little rhythm "don't fuck with me, don't fuck with me, don't fuck with me...."

The fringe thing sounds annoying- hate it when they cut too much off. It grows quickly though...facing Monday without it will make u even fiercer. You don't need it, would be more comforting to you but just you and your dignity is enough. You go in there and show him he can't fuck with you...that time has gone. You're not that whatnext who had that dark Saturday...not anymore.
Xx

Yes, I'm not whatnext! I like that.

I shudder as if I hadn't made it through that night, I would have missed out on so much. I'll be eternally grateful for support on here.

Yes- dont forget on Monday that we'll all be crammed in that room with you. I'll be the one standing behind your h pulling stupid faces and yawning when he talks.... :)

How about wearing shades so he can't see your eyes? I know that sounds ridiculous, like a spy film lol, but it unnerves people when they can't see someone's eyes - and sunglasses, or tinted glasses?, could also be a shield with your fringe missing.

the idea of mediation is because back in the day lawyers fleeced the divorcing couple of every penny in the pot, with missives flying back and forth endlessly. Mediation is generally cheaper in the long run. And shorter of course.

Your 'language' is so tame cotton! I know I'm nagging but I honestly wouldn't see him. He will be turning on the charm as if he's the nicest, most expansive, lovely man. Headfuck, basically . I'm sure you'll look a million dollars - but why waste it on him?

springy - you made me laugh! Just imagine sitting there in sunglasses like I'm Madonna or something then if I get asked to remove them, I explain that my fringe is too short! So funny!

Sadly though, I have to see him, I'll go through the motions and hope that I get what I deserve from this and then start divorce proceedings and totally become me again.

He will be charming, I know that. I hope he stinks, f**king a.hole.

I say it because I had to testify in a criminal case - I had no choice and I was shitting myself, wondering if I'd have to move away after the case - so I dressed up, went in disguise: long wig which made me look like a porn star, enormous platform boots (taller), glasses; spoke in a strong local accent. Some friends came to pick me up and, when I answered the door, asked 'Is springy in?'

(I've since stood next to the offender - who got off, incidentally [one of those absurdities of the law] - and he has no idea who I am.)

Wow, you are a master of disguise! I have a bright red wig, used to wear glasses before I got lasered and can't walk in heels. I can do a South African accent though, well it's Australian but sounds S.A. My H would have a fit if I did all that.

I think if you did see him before hand i'd just nod like a casual acquaintance and develop an interest in my mobile phone (even if it's just playing candy crush)

It is going to be hard but he's not meeting the devastated person he expects - if he does start to rattle you take a deep breath and remember fake it..fake it...fake it even if you then go home and throw darts at his picture

I will think of you.

Thank you bluesky. Yes, the phone thing, I will do that. I did think of looking through my paperwork but then he'll think I'm not prepared. If I look at my phone then it seems that I am detached.

Good luck for tomorrow. Be strong and determined to get the best for you and your son .

Thank you so much

Checking in to say good luck! Xx

Just caught up with your thread. Tomorrow is one step closer to freedom and although it will be exhausting, once its done, you can tick that box - done.

Whatever your Ex does, he will not be truthful. He hasn't been that for some time so don't expect anything to change. He's on show, so won't want to take any blame for his shitty behaviour. Everyone has given great advice and remember you can walk if it is not working for you. I'm hoping that it brings you even one element of closure. One moment of clarity about your future. Each one is a building block for your own future.

Like the others, I will be cheering you on. I'll be the one holding up the paddles (like Strictly), scoring his lies from one to ten! What is it that makes me think I'll be using the '10' more than the others

Thank you both. Yes, I think he will be lying all the way through and also 'rubbish' my claims for what I need financially.

I am still doing my form, 2 whole weekends! Can't wait for tomorrow to be over.

Oh and guess what, that statement that he contacted me about saying I had to scan and email to him never arrived. Just like his car documents that he was going on about for weeks. He's gone in the head.

Good luck Cotton, will be thinking of you too. x

Thank you mrsmciver x

Cotton - when I had mediation they put us in seperate rooms to wait, you shouldn't have to sit with him. It's not easy but stay strong and focused. The mediators are only interested in moving forward and helping you to resolve things.

Good luck or tomorrow. We will all be there in spirit with you

Oh skye, I hope they do that for me. Really don't want to be there waiting with him, I should have phoned to check.

Thank you x

I assume they would all do that in case anything kicks off before the actual mediation.

It will be ok. Just remain focused on what you want out of it. The mediators will advise you both to take legal advice before agreeing to anything, but they should help you to one o an agreement and if you can't then court is next.

Stay positive and focused and do something nice afterwards.

Good luck cotton! Am lurking but rooting for you (and your fringe). x