Whatnext074 is now handfulofcottonbuds - thread continued

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Both my previous threads have reached their maximum postings so I have decided to NC from Whatnext074 to handfulofcottonbuds - thank you to walkacrossthesand for suggesting it as it makes me smile.

My previous thread is here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1902849-Whatnext074-thread-continued still don't know how to convert links

I have had amazing support and advice from MNers since my H left me for OW - over 3 months on and I still can't believe this has happened.

Thank you to all those lurkers and de-lurkers who have contacted me to say that they have found the advice given on my threads really helpful to them too which is mainly why I am continuing my thread.

I have felt so many emotions, been distraught, desperate, strong, indifferent, weak, scared, independent and sad. What has helped is knowing I'm not alone and knowing there is always someone on MN who offers a hand and I will always be grateful for that.

I have a challenging few months ahead, mediation in January and divorce shortly after and moving out of my home. I am scared right now about my future, for 11 years, I knew my future would be with my H and we could handle anything but now I have to find who I am and create my own future.

Thank you for all your support - I cannot tell you how much it helps xxx

Oh god, never even occurred to me it might not be real! I was genuinely worried for her.
Do you think she maybe felt some of the advice was too much for her as she was in such a fragile state? I hope she is ok.
(have just came on and noticed her thread had been pulled).
Am glad to see you are doing so well though Cotton.

I could be wrong but there were a few niggles that made me think perhaps it wasn't genuine mrsmciver.

What were they Cotton? I honestly never noticed anything untoward. I thought she was having a breakdown. I really honestly thought she was. Now I feel such a fool.

No don't mrsmciver, you are so lovely and supportive. I'll pm you x

Thank you Cotton. That was so nice of you to say that. x

Hey all!!!

Cotton- haven't been on for a while- have tried to catch up...

Hope you're ok and hanging in there x

Hello mamma, I'm doing okay thanks. Well, have spent all weekend on and off trying to get my Form-E done for mediation, I just have no motivation for it but I know I need to get it done for my future.

Really don't want to see my H - it's been about 3 months since I last saw him and one month since last contact, it's helped.

How are you mamma? x

Hi H, when is your mediation date? Sounds like you are pushing through the paperwork, even though its pants. Little bits at a time, you're doing a good job

Hi Cotton you sound so much stronger. Your son sounds lovely. Mediation will be fine - I bet the ex is terrified especially when he sees the strong independent beautiful woman that he left. I bet the grass isn't looking so green now.

I think you might be right, I've concentrated so much on how I'm anxious about it but I have nothing to lose, he on the other hand does. He's got to be anxious about it surely, after all, I was the one who stopped contact so he doesn't know what to expect.

I need to remember this.

thank you for your kind words x

It's on 27th

Hi handful typed long response yesterday and my phone lost it

Well even though you are not looking for a new man it's nice for you to know you've still "got it" and can attract one

Your poor son, it must be very hard for him - what a heartless selfish fool your ex has become, his loss as your son sounds lovely.

Thank you bluesky.

I am truly blessed to have him as a son. He has matured so much over the past few months. He's going to have a chat with our doctor tomorrow as he has a few things on his mind and his health is suffering a little bit. Luckily our doctor is very supportive.

Yes, having someone gorgeous making a beeline for me did give me a little boost but I need to concentrate on me and my DS for now.

Hi cotton...

No contact is defo the way forward. I think you should expect a blip during mediation- it's natural. If you expect it and mentally prepare for it I think you'll go into it feeling strong. I'm sure you'll still have a feeling of vulnerability etc but if you expect it, you can kinda fight it (if that makes any sense?!)

I'm not so good at the moment- lots of shit from my ex. He's starting to want more time with girls but won't actually agree to a schedule. Thinks we should all be dancing to his tune. Making noises about 50:50 but has also stopped giving me any money?! Not the best start to the year. My strength seems to have been zapped a bit....

X

Ps- whoo hoo to the gorgeous young man!!! Fantastic. Doesn't have a single mate does he?! Lol

I'm sorry to hear that you're not so good right now mamma. You are so strong and it's not fair that your ex is causing problems, not fair on your lovely girls either!

You are so supportive on here to many and you deserve the best, not this rubbish. Shall I invest in some hotpants??

....and yes, he has lots of good looking single friends.
xx

...actually the fact he has friends was a bonus after my H not having any!

Haha...yeah no friends is a red flag!!! My ex was lacking in that department too! Ha!!

Yeah....to know you've got your hot pants and poms poms on for me would be good. Sure it's just a temporary blip but I'm just fed up- this tosser is in my life for such a long time to come. I just want to shout at him to "f the f-ing jeff off". Trying to detach but he's seriously pressing all my buttons. I have a pernenant headache at the mo :(

mama - sorry that you are having hassle from the ex. XH made noises about having DD all the time - this, from a man who cant make time for her more than once a fortnight! Twat. I hope you sort it out soon.

Thanks Skye... Yeah- in my clear moments I know that he's just being a twat...like I say, can't be bothered to make official, clear schedule so how he thinks 50/50 would work have no idea. Every now and again I have a mass panic...my two beautiful girls are what have got me through all of this- they give me my strength, I don't want them to be pulled between us for 50/50.

Oh well. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Got my girls, got my health, got my amazing family. He can do one :)

X

Can you go to the CSA about the money? or mediation to discuss the 50/50? He needs to pay you until things change, which hopefully they wont. Is he likely to take it court or just make a lot of noise and do nothing?

My DS's Dad threatened everything to me and even said he would take him out of the country. My DS was 3 when we split and I knew I would have years of his threats but I stayed strong even though I knew it was empty threats to get at me because he never, ever paid a penny for my DS, even the CSA did nothing. It was all to get to me and he used our DS as a means to try and get to me. I pick them don't I?!

In a way mamma, I hope this is what your ex is doing as I know you are strong and if you can just get past this shit (you've had worse), then you will be okay. Your DDs are so lucky to have you. You can get past this - idiot!

One week before mediation and after 3 months of not seeing him and one month of NC - why the hell does he contact me?!

He's text me asking him to send him some paperwork that I know he's got! I'm not replying but even seeing his message come up has set me back. How on earth will I cope at mediation?

Why doesn't he leave me alone??

Oh and if I don't scan and email it to him then he will have to ask the company to post copies and as it's in joint names, the mail redirection won't go to his and will come to the house and then I'll "have to forward it onto him" - I don't have to do anything for him anymore, he should have sorted this months ago.

I'm not replying. What day is it?? Oh yes, it's Monday - of course!

Monday!!!

OW's yoga classes must have started again

It's Monday and he is bored on his new life! No you don't have to do anything but I suppose to speed the process up you could scan it for him as a one off. Means he owes you one is you have the upper hand in being polite. Keep strong.