fear I've been dumped by silence YET again

[disappointedandsad]

Have been dating someone for a couple of months. All seemed to be going brilliantly well (I thought). He is kind, intelligent, thoughtful, and generally lovely - or seemed to be. Heard from him last Friday when he said we'd sort out our next date after the end of term. I said that was fine, as was finishing work then for Xmas too, so was fairly free. And nothing since, I text him on Weds but no reply.

I have a horrible feeling I'm not going to hear from him again. This will be about the 6th time I've been dumped silently :(

I really thought he wasn't the type though - his general behaviour is quite gentlemanly, he's not an immature idiot. Plus, a few weeks ago we were watching tv and a famous(ish) singer came on, he said 'that bloke's a complete arse' I asked why and he said that one of his uni friends had dated him, and he had silently dumped her - and what a completely shitty thing that was to do to someone. Which I agreed with.

And now it looks like he's done it to me! Oh, the irony...

50 y/o men are no more likely than 15 y/o men to be open about Difficult Stuff that might hurt a woman's feelings!

Men ALWAYS assume that their dumping you would destroy your life. No idea why they believe this - all the research points at single women being far happier than married women. But still. They assume you're going to cry and be devastated, and they can't handle it. So they either vanish, or treat you so badly that you happily dump them.

How old are you, OP? Do you have kids? Is this man significantly older than you?

Perhaps he has had a relapse and is in hospital. You could always try ringing round. He might have had an accident.

On the other hand he might be married.

Just going back to the 'quiet and sensitive' point, none of the men I've dated previously could be described in those terms.

This one, sensitive perhaps, thoughtful. Empathetic (things that may sound stupid - if we were cuddling on the sofa, he'd always ask if I was comfortable if he thought I might not be, was he leaning on my hair or whatever) Sounds insignificant but I lived for 8 years with XP who used to lean on and pull my hair in bed every night (til I started tieing it up) and complained it was in his way.

A 50 y/o man is old enough to know that giving a nice woman the post-sex cold shoulder is pretty cunty.

NOT WORTHY. Please find someone better. Remember, online-dating sites have their annual massive surge of new members at the end of the year. December 27th is the day when more new members sign up to online-dating sites than at any other time of the year.

Write this twunt off to experience and get a profile up to catch the Tsunami of New Cock that'll soon be coming your way. :)

Thoughtful =/= ignoring a woman you've just shagged.

you've just got to chalk this one up to experience then.

If you've made bad choices before- due to low self esteem- but are now behaving differently then someone suitable will come along.

It does sound though as if you were acting 'desperate' before to even consider men who were insolvent, living with their mums ( in their 40s?) and so on.

Set the bar higher and have more faith in yourself.

He's 10 years older than me. I have children, he doesn't (wanted them but it didn't happen).

The one thing I can say for certain is he isn't married. I've been to his home, and spent a fair bit of time there. If he had a wife or girlfriend I'd know.

Get a Xmas candle and stick pins in it. And remind yourself it's HIM.

Everything about his behaviour up to this point was thoughtful.

He's given me a great deal of really valuable advice and help with my DC in educational terms. He's remembered tiny details I mentioned once, weeks beforehand.

I honestly didn't expect this outcome at all.

I really truly have no intention of going back to OD though, indeed right now the though of any kind of dating makes me feel sick.

Your new mantra:

"My heart grows cold towards any man who's not here enough to warm it up."

You're in oxytocin withdrawal. I'm serious. Your body misses his body. It'll pass, takes about 8 weeks. But any contact with him (especially hearing his voice, smelling him, or touching him) will take you right back to the start again.

Actually loving AnuvvaMuvva's advice on this thread.

:)

OP, he could've been as nice as pie to you with all the great advice in the world but as for a relationship, he's shown you already he's not interested.

Just sending a hug. That's a shit thing to Helen

Helen??? I meant 'happen'!

If he'd just text me and said he couldn't deal with a relationship, or that it was him and not me, or some other equally trite sentiment, it would be slightly easier to bear.

Alternatively if he'd told me the real reason, if it's something I did, or didn't do. It's the not knowing that hurts, and it being so utterly unexpected.

"A 50 y/o man is old enough to know that giving a nice woman the post-sex cold shoulder is pretty cunty. "

I'm his age and I totally agree.

if you've been silently dumped, calling him won't achieve anything.
If he answers the call, if he doesn't have the guts on his own initiative to tell you that he doesn't want to see you again, he's unlikely to tell you the truth if you call him. You'll get more excuses about why he's not ready for another date yet, or worse, he'll set a date then cancel it a few days prior. And you'll be back to square one.

Do you not think he might be unwell again? I'd be ringing out of concern tbh.

so ill that he can't use 1 finger to tap out a text or make a quick call?

I doubt it.