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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

fear I've been dumped by silence YET again

617 replies

disappointedandsad · 20/12/2013 11:11

Have been dating someone for a couple of months. All seemed to be going brilliantly well (I thought). He is kind, intelligent, thoughtful, and generally lovely - or seemed to be. Heard from him last Friday when he said we'd sort out our next date after the end of term. I said that was fine, as was finishing work then for Xmas too, so was fairly free. And nothing since, I text him on Weds but no reply.

I have a horrible feeling I'm not going to hear from him again. This will be about the 6th time I've been dumped silently :(

I really thought he wasn't the type though - his general behaviour is quite gentlemanly, he's not an immature idiot. Plus, a few weeks ago we were watching tv and a famous(ish) singer came on, he said 'that bloke's a complete arse' I asked why and he said that one of his uni friends had dated him, and he had silently dumped her - and what a completely shitty thing that was to do to someone. Which I agreed with.

And now it looks like he's done it to me! Oh, the irony...

OP posts:
MaryzBoychildCheeszuzCrizpz · 23/12/2013 23:59

And me Anuvva Xmas Grin

Bant · 24/12/2013 00:01

Anuvva - just leave it, the OP isn't going to say for her own reasons. Either it's the identification thing, or she thinks people will pick apart the excuse, or because it makes her look a bit hysterical for overreacting to his silence when from what I can tell it was all discussed beforehand.

Whatever, she's not going to say.

scottishmummy · 24/12/2013 00:04

it's gotten to be an like an entitlement to expect an update, please,what's happening op?
Like the omnibus of eastenders, expecting a drama,delivered to your screen

CharlotteCollinsinherownplace · 24/12/2013 00:10

Annuva - there's a whole world of MN threads out there to explore - go and enjoy! :o

AnuvvaMuvva · 24/12/2013 00:19

:)

differentnameforthis · 24/12/2013 07:27

I don't know- but not giving a reason after 500+ posts seems to say you think it's not a good enough reason OMFG! It doesn't have to be that! If the op is happy it is no business of ours to ask the reason! Pretty sure the op doesn't care what you think of his reason anyway!

I'm not giving the reason ... But I'm satisfied with it. I appreciate some of you might want to know, whether from genuine curiousity, or to pick it apart and criticise me, but I won't be divulging it. Good on you OP, it is no one else's business.

To be in awe of someone and allow them 2 or 3 days of silence when needing contact and having to come on mumsnet worried would also be a dump situation....

OMG! I started seeing dh before mobile phones, infact I still lived at home & wasn't really allowed to use the phone (bitch of a mother) and I lasted over a week of no contact, just because that is how it worked for us back then. There was no instant gratification 24/7. Pretty sure no one is obliged to be in 24/7 contact with anyone.

differentnameforthis · 24/12/2013 07:30

We all know that she's just swallowed an excuse Do 'we'? because I certainly don't think that, so don't speak on my behalf, thanks!

Either it's the identification thing, or she thinks people will pick apart the excuse, or because it makes her look a bit hysterical for overreacting to his silence when from what I can tell it was all discussed beforehand. Or [perhaps she just wants it to be private?

varigatedivy · 24/12/2013 08:37

I agree 100% that no one is under any kind of obligation to tell anyone on MN anything they'd rather not.

But- the reason people ( like me) ask is because we have given our time- especially in the busy run up to Xmas- to try to be helpful even though it is an anon cyber-space forum. I fully appreciate we have no right to any information from anyone- of course we don't.

But- when a poster has shared a lot of personal stuff anyway it does make us feel a bit short-changed, if nothing else, to be left dangling.

That's our problem, yes. But for me it doesn't quite wash to say any further info would disclose who this guy is because unless he's super famous, I can't see how anything connected with a late phone call could 'out' him.

Personally, I'd not have said he was a teacher aged 50, and other things like that, but then there are 500 000 teachers and many aged 50, so it's hardly outing him.

OP I hope you can understand why some people ( including me) wanted a better conclusion to this because we had invested our time. No on was holding a gun to our heads so we can't complain really, but it's human nature to want to know an ending to a saga in which we've been invested.

I suppose the reason I'm a bit :( over the ending here is that I don't feel your reasons are genuine. I fail to see how it could identify him- unless he's been in an accident all over your local press for instance- which prevented him calling you- OR that you don't trust posters to be kind to you if the reason isn't all it's cracked up to be.

differentnameforthis · 24/12/2013 08:40

the reason people ( like me) ask is because we have given our time- especially in the busy run up to Xmas Which no one asked you to do, you volunteered your advice!

I fail to see how it could identify him It doesn't bloody matter though, does it. It is something the op isn't going to share because it doesn't actually need to be shared. The op didn't promise anyone that she would tell them everything.

Monetbyhimself · 24/12/2013 08:48

Yeahhh a happy ending! Have a lovely Christmas OP Smile

ImpOfDarkness · 24/12/2013 08:50

a poster has shared a lot of personal stuff anyway it does make us feel a bit short-changed

The reason isn't her personal stuff to share though. It's his.

varigatedivy · 24/12/2013 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

springysofa · 24/12/2013 09:29

I only read the pink posts (OP's) and I'm so glad to hear there was a legitimate reason he didn't contact.

I wish you well, OP. I hope this is a good relationship for you that brings you a lot of the good stuff. Sounds like you've been bashed about a bit (literally at one point Sad ) and I hope your luck is beginning to turn.

Clever, confident people do get bashed about imo - other people's stuff but damaging nonetheless.

WaitingForPeterWimsey · 24/12/2013 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/12/2013 09:54

What is wrong with some of you? Isn't there a JK on that you could rub your thighs along to? This is supposed to be the 'help' bit of the forum. 'Short-changed?', 'Don't feel that the responses are true?'. The title of emotional vultures/vampires fits you like gloves.

... and no, VariegatedIvy, you haven't invested your time. You've decided to spend/waste time that nobody actually asked you to. Yours and Annuva's posts towards the end of the thread have really showed you up.

OP is free to disclose or not, believe the update or not, who cares? But to comment and speculate on what she chooses not to tell is the height of ridiculousness - and ignorance.

SantasPelvicFloor · 24/12/2013 10:00

What lying said. The posters claiming to have invested time...you have not supported OP, you've treated her life like a bit of fodder for your amusement. Go and watch JK, read Heat magazine or find a garden fence to go 'her at No. 42...did she....I always thought she was like that....' With a gossipy neighbour

AnuvvaMuvva · 24/12/2013 10:09

What have I done?!!

AnuvvaMuvva · 24/12/2013 10:14

It's perfectly natural to wonder what the reason for his silence was. That reason, after all, was the cause of this entire thread.

I appreciate that the OP might not want to reveal it, but I refuse to feel like a terrible person for wondering about it. Anyone would wonder!

AnuvvaMuvva · 24/12/2013 10:16

What is JK..?

bumbleymummy · 24/12/2013 10:16

So glad he got in touch :) hope you have a lovely Christmas.

MaeveORave · 24/12/2013 10:20

annuvaMuvva, I've loved your posts here! you haven't tried to make the poster feel foolish though.

As a pp said, this aint an itv mini series. We're not owed the finale

rookietherednosedreindeer · 24/12/2013 10:21

That's great news OP.
I remember when I was single and a man didn't contact - if you like someone, you like them, doesn't matter if you have been on 5 dates or 20 and you're entitled to feel a little down if they don't get back in touch.

Have a great Christmas Xmas Smile.

ThePlEWhoLovedMe · 24/12/2013 10:34

OP

I think you have had a really hard time on this thread and have given away FAR too much personal information.

I hope you do call him - if it were me I would call him.

Good Luck

Peekska · 24/12/2013 11:09

OP, I hope you've been able to give him his Xmas present now, and share that mulled wine you talked about.

I hold my hands up, I thought he was doing the slow fade, so I was wrong about the situation and I was wrong about him.

It's understandable that you don't want to disclose the reason for him not contacting you if you think it would identify him. (I'm wondering now if he's famous in some way!)

But if you see any future threads on the same topic, and people are speculating about possible reasons for no contact, it could help the OP of that thread if you say a tiny bit about this guy's reason. I really did think we'd covered all possibilities so this reason, whatever it is, is obviously something nobody thought of. Just saying it could help someone in the future and you could always NC again to protect your/his privacy.

Hope you two have a lovely Christmas - the first one together is always lovely Xmas Smile

scottishmummy · 24/12/2013 11:10

no entitlement to update,and folk should respond graciously without expectation of update
One should be able to participate without feeling they're owed because they invested
Mn is online dialogue with stranger,you're not owed anything,it's words on screen not a deep rapport

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