fear I've been dumped by silence YET again

[disappointedandsad]

Have been dating someone for a couple of months. All seemed to be going brilliantly well (I thought). He is kind, intelligent, thoughtful, and generally lovely - or seemed to be. Heard from him last Friday when he said we'd sort out our next date after the end of term. I said that was fine, as was finishing work then for Xmas too, so was fairly free. And nothing since, I text him on Weds but no reply.

I have a horrible feeling I'm not going to hear from him again. This will be about the 6th time I've been dumped silently :(

I really thought he wasn't the type though - his general behaviour is quite gentlemanly, he's not an immature idiot. Plus, a few weeks ago we were watching tv and a famous(ish) singer came on, he said 'that bloke's a complete arse' I asked why and he said that one of his uni friends had dated him, and he had silently dumped her - and what a completely shitty thing that was to do to someone. Which I agreed with.

And now it looks like he's done it to me! Oh, the irony...

A few of these latest posts - badgering the OP for more information, implying that it's all still doomed - are bizarre. The OP has said she's not disclosing any more details / reasons & she certainly doesn't owe it to anyone here to do so. Totally with scottishmummy on this one - and maryz: dementors just about sums it up!

It's one of the oddities of onscreen communication is that it can feel deep. That's why people donate money to strangers and feel they have "fallen in love" with someone they haven't met. It is just words on a screen but people project their own feelings onto them. And, of course, the anonymity means it's easier to voice annoyance. Or kindness. Or empathy. Or the kind of advice we know we should have taken but didn't.

Also, it does come to feel like a story. Just like news is often presented as narrative. A thread becomes a sort of joint storymaking and people feel they've become a part of it. And then they don't get the chance to see/read/create the ending and they feel thwarted. We all know there are real people and real feelings involved but it's not the same as the politeness and privacy of real life.

FWIW, I get the impression the OP can hold her own on MN and if she doesn't want to say, she won't. I'm curious enough to want to know. Why not? I was curious enough to add more words to a screen.

*But- the reason people ( like me) ask is because we have given our time- especially in the busy run up to Xmas- to try to be helpful even though it is an anon cyber-space forum. I fully appreciate we have no right to any information from anyone- of course we don't.

But- when a poster has shared a lot of personal stuff anyway it does make us feel a bit short-changed, if nothing else, to be left dangling.

That's our problem, yes. But for me it doesn't quite wash to say any further info would disclose who this guy is because unless he's super famous, I can't see how anything connected with a late phone call could 'out' him*

Good lord!!!!!

FFS, the OP's life isn't some soap opera for you to live your life through!

This, this, this is the sort of rubbish which women have to put up with all the time IRL -- what a pity it's happening on MN too which is supposed to be a supportive place.

I'm actually quite flabbergasted at some of the holier-than-thou posts here.

My last post was in fact quite measured. I said how I felt but I also went to great lengths to add a but and a however to show that I understood the OP's situation.

It's actually very annoying that some of the quotes from me and others have been cherry-picked and the other half of the points I made have been omitted. Not clever.

For the record, I didn't say I have wasted my time. I said I'd given my time. Big difference. My post also went to great lengths to say that it was fine for the OP not to come back.

Why are some of you happy to ignore this? Funny old forum, eh?

It's not a soap opera, of course not, that's just a cheap jibe but anyone who enters into an online 'relationships' forum could be accused of starring in the very same. Adding criticism to posts you don't like is just the same!!! You don't have to join in you could get on with RL instead.

I agree with NFK- FWIW, I get the impression the OP can hold her own on MN and if she doesn't want to say, she won't. I'm curious enough to want to know. Why not? I was curious enough to add more words to a screen.

We are curious, that's all. We wonder what can be so secretive or terrible that it can't be shared. Is that so awful? Not half as bad as some of the horrible posts from some posters who posted unkind things to her and now have the audacity to think they have the high moral ground.

Nothing wrong with being curious. I am too, but so what?

But your post had a strong sense of feeling that you deserved an answer to your questions because you had deigned to give your time. That's what's so silly.

Yes, I too think it often looks like people feel like they deserve more info that the OP is prepared to give.

It is completely up to the individual how much info they give and it frankly looks really rude to challenge that.

Saying that you would like more info because you have given your time makes me wonder if you are investing too much into an online forum.

Sorry, but what does wondering what happened in an online relationship problem have to do with "the sort of rubbish women have to put up with all the time IRL"?

That sounds like chucking a bit of angry feminism around in order to garner more support for your point. "Women are constantly under attack to give information! Even other women ask them how they are all the time. Women ganging up against other women to find out about their lives. It's terrible!"

I completely understand people's curiousity, I'm the nosiest person so I'd definitely want to know! And I am also a real people pleaser, so I do genuinely feel bad for disappointing everyone. But it's not my reason, not me I might be identifying, and hence I really don't feel I can say.

But at least you sort of know the outcome, even if not the reason. Which is a lot more resolution than you get on some threads!

Happy Christmas everyone!

You could pm us all. (Joking)

But did he like his present ?

Don't worry folks, there's always a bumper episode of Downton to look forward to tomorrow ;)

Seriously OP, glad all has resolved itself.

Let's not bump the thread any more if the meanie doesn't want to update!

this thread is so funny.
for the majority of it the op has been told shes too needy, needs therapy, too invested, after dating this man for 3 months.

yet

some posters are now getting a strop on because they need to know the outcome after putting a few mins of effort into replying and are now invested after a few pages of text

would be funny except for the ripping apart the op got.

Ha ha! I hadn't realised that!

Perhaps your performance in bed was a problem for him?

anuvva ; true though. this is a perfect example of people, you included, not giving real life practical advice that you could even follow yourself. telling the op she shouldnt care, or needs therapy or is x or x yet you yourself couldnt leave a thread from a stranger, after a few days. while the op had known the man 4 months in total and they had had sex.

Do try to keep your posters separate before you make accusations. I never mentioned therapy, all I suggested were different ways to keep herself busy instead of thinking about him.

Which she ignored.