fear I've been dumped by silence YET again

[disappointedandsad]

Have been dating someone for a couple of months. All seemed to be going brilliantly well (I thought). He is kind, intelligent, thoughtful, and generally lovely - or seemed to be. Heard from him last Friday when he said we'd sort out our next date after the end of term. I said that was fine, as was finishing work then for Xmas too, so was fairly free. And nothing since, I text him on Weds but no reply.

I have a horrible feeling I'm not going to hear from him again. This will be about the 6th time I've been dumped silently :(

I really thought he wasn't the type though - his general behaviour is quite gentlemanly, he's not an immature idiot. Plus, a few weeks ago we were watching tv and a famous(ish) singer came on, he said 'that bloke's a complete arse' I asked why and he said that one of his uni friends had dated him, and he had silently dumped her - and what a completely shitty thing that was to do to someone. Which I agreed with.

And now it looks like he's done it to me! Oh, the irony...

Two weeks ago?

I'm sorry to be blunt, but have you shagged? Did you shag early on? And has it been 3 months of dating? Or more?

Agree Anuvva.

He said he was going to arrange a date after the end of term - has term actually finished? I know lots of people working in schools who finish today, & the last few days are very, very hectic. Was your text on Wed. the kind of text that required a reply?

Agree that most men are decent people, that is (x post).

I agree with ringing him just for closure. I haven't heard from you. Are you ok? Have a lovely Christmas. Goodbye ...forever

OP you have my sympathy re the whole dating thing. I too will probably stay single forever

If it was his end of term Wednesday he might have had a knees up and completely forgotten you'd text?

Term finished Weds (private school).

We only see each other every 1-2 weeks due to distance and other factors, so not seeing him for that length of time isn't unusual.

Yes, we have shagged. On our last date (that was the first time). And yes, it's been about 3 months.

Oh OP, so he's shagged you and now silence?

What an arse :(

OH... This is different. DON'T CONTACT HIM!

This is quite usual -- they shag and then think "SHIT!! DO I WANT A GF? SHE'S GOING TO BE IFFERENT NOW AND START DEMNDING WE SEE EACH OTHER A LOT AND STUFF AND I'M BUSY AND ARGH" and they back off.

The trick is to remain cool as a cucumber and act like you never even NOTICED he panicked and backed off. "Oh hey! How are you?" when he calls, not, "Hello it's me - everything OK?"

It'll blow his mind. "She shagged ME, and then didn't ring every day to demand more of the World's Greatest Lover? She can live without me? WHAT?!" And then he'll chase you again.

If you contact this man again, I will find out where you live and come and slap you right in the boob. I'm not kidding.

If you DON'T contact him, he will like you 100,000,000 times more than he's ever liked anyone. Every day that passes without you contacting him, your stock value rises.

If his term only finished a couple of days ago, I would leave it a bit longer before assuming you've been dumped, OP. Especially if he's been ill & may be recovering from a busy few days at work. I used to teach, & was seriously good for nothing for a couple of days after the end of term.

I know it's shit to be passively, especially when you've just started having sex. But you did text him a couple of days ago, & I would be inclined to wait just a bit longer before making assumptions OR taking action to find out if they're true.

3 months + first shag = man panic.

Leave it. Trust me, he'll come back after Xmas or in the New Year. If you leave it, he will come to a decision (by himself) that he wants you to be his GF. If you chase him (any more contact = chasing), he'll feel pressured and run.

Sorry, I meant to write: "it's shit to be waiting passively".

Agree with LoonvanBoon 100%

Write him off till after Xmas. When your thoughts stray to him, think "Man panic", shrug, and force yourself to think about stuff you can do to make yourself feel happy. Bath, beauty treatment, great film, calling a friend (don't talk about Him), manicure, go to the gym, read your fave book, make fudge and deliver it to your neighbours, write a list of NY resolutions...

I would be pissed off too if someone I was dating shagged me then went silent. But I would still not call them. Out of principle!

I honestly don't know if I can leave it til New Year waiting to hear from him. That feels a bit like pulling a plaster off really really slowly.

All my friends in RL think it's a fait accompli that he's dumped me :(

I just wanted to see him before Xmas, drink mulled wine in a cosy pub and give him his present (it's only a little thing, cost me less than £10 but I know he'd love it).

Please don't lower yourself by after texting now calling him, he won't answer you I promise. He's one of life's wankers I'm afraid, he's had his fun and has probably moved on or has lost interest.

If he has any interest at all, calling him will probably mean more silence, if you resist calling him, he may reconsider the two of you.

You will look completely desperate and gain nothing from it apart from feeling worse than you do just now, your friends are right!

My friend was in exactly the same position, even considering he had lost his mobile, funnily enough he hadn't, this is what some men do I'm afraid.

I wouldn't think the worst just yet OP, you said he said something along the lines of 'we'll arrange the next date after term finishes' ? so it's only just ended so he may be as good as his word and still contact you. Also it's only a couple of days since your text, were you frequent texters up until this making this lack of reply unusual?

I agree with others though, I would await his contact...you will feel better if it's him who gets in touch. If there is no contact from him then see how you feel after you've had a a few days to mull it over.

I can't believe that Anuvva is advocating game playing to get him back. WTF would you want someone who plays with you?

Hard though it is in light of what you have said possibly the best thing is to assume he's out of your life. Mentally close the door on him..

We normally text every couple of days, so not hearing since last week, plus no reply to my text is unusual.

He's never 'chased' me, it's always been kind of 50/50. He's suggested dates, as have I.

I honestly didn't think a man of 50, in the profession he's in, who is intelligent and caring, would dump me silently. I've been able to rationalise it before. But I am shocked by this. I've expected it from some of the shitbags I've dated. But he was miles better than them. Or seemed to be.

I am with those who say don't contact him.

I have had these boyfriends. Am now a lot older and a little wiser

Keep your dignity, and just get on with enjoying yourself

Do you have events to go to? Xmas parties etc. Keep busy.

Fwiw If he didn't go radio silence after shagging then it isn't necessarily he's dumped you. I would ring him for your own piece of mind, there is nothing wrong with that if you're seeing someone. If he doesn't reply or take the call then he is a prick and you should thank your lucky stars you escaped.

Just give him a call then you will know and can either move on or meet up. It's not rocket science. It will feel shit if it's over but at least you will know.