fear I've been dumped by silence YET again

[disappointedandsad]

Have been dating someone for a couple of months. All seemed to be going brilliantly well (I thought). He is kind, intelligent, thoughtful, and generally lovely - or seemed to be. Heard from him last Friday when he said we'd sort out our next date after the end of term. I said that was fine, as was finishing work then for Xmas too, so was fairly free. And nothing since, I text him on Weds but no reply.

I have a horrible feeling I'm not going to hear from him again. This will be about the 6th time I've been dumped silently :(

I really thought he wasn't the type though - his general behaviour is quite gentlemanly, he's not an immature idiot. Plus, a few weeks ago we were watching tv and a famous(ish) singer came on, he said 'that bloke's a complete arse' I asked why and he said that one of his uni friends had dated him, and he had silently dumped her - and what a completely shitty thing that was to do to someone. Which I agreed with.

And now it looks like he's done it to me! Oh, the irony...

OMG!!!! WHAT IS IT WITH THESE MEN???

I met a guy on a dating website, went on 10 dates before I slept with him, everything was going well, after our last sexual escapade we were chatting and discussing where we are at, both agreed exclusivity, made plans to travel, text/contact continued for a few days after and then NOTHING!!! I asked him what was wrong, "....something's going on but it's got nothing to do with you....." HE tells me, I ask him if he still wants to be with me he says yes, but then disappears again?!?!?!? Fast forward a week later, he's still ignoring my texts, I decide to go NC, He contacts me with a "Hi, I hope you're ok" at this point I was spitting feathers, decided to end things last weekend!

HONESTLY, just GROW A PAIR, if you want out just be man enough to say so!

OP I feel your pain, I've dated a lot online, had my fair share of meeting emotional retards etc. BUT REFUSE to give up!

He might be ill again. When I last heard from him he was having a (slight) reaction to new meds. But in all honesty I doubt he is ill enough to be unable to send a short text.

Phone him. Be done with it.

Better than wasting your holiday wondering

End of whose term? End of term here is today.

You sound as if you were expecting a hot date the minute the school bell rang.Perhaps his 'end of term ' means at some point a few days hence. Why so pessimistic so soon?

And I can totally relate on what a mind F it becomes when they just disappear, you start to analyse, which isn't good! To be honest I was devastated as I THOUGHT things were going very well, the sex was FANTASTIC, the convo equally enthral lung, clearly I must have been high on something as he just simply switched off!!

I keep telling myself ITS NOT YOU, ITS HIM (F UCKTARD WANKER I HOPE HE SUFFERS FROM A LIMP WILLY, lol)

You're right, he's not too ill to text. Really suggest you read "He's Just Not That Into You". It's all stuff you KNOW, but reading it really made me face it when I was dumped recently! It takes the piss a bit (in a nice way) really makes you see how ridiculous it is when you start thinking "oh, maybe their phone got run over..." etc!

Why do some people dump silently? It's just EASIER. Horrible on receiving end, and a horrid thing to do - but easier.

I know I have turned myself inside out coming up with convoluted theories why I've been dumped... but it really is a waste of mental energy.

And 6x in 20 years?! There's nowt wrong with you, it's just really common.

It sucks, and I'm sorry for you. But honestly, if you call, you'll look back and cringe. Don't beat yourself up if you do! But better if you don't.

As for putting him off if you do - if he's that easily put off, you don't want him.

One thing I'd add, if you do contact him... I've done that a couple of times - I figure it drives memore crazy not to contact. But my contact has been more like "well, you've disappeared - I'm guessing we're done?"

Not as good as just walking away - but I felt some pride in at least raising it, forcing the issue. With both guys where I did this, if I'd just sent a chatty text, it would have limped on a few weeks longer, with me feeling just as shit in between my prompting texts.

How serious is the illness?

Could he be dead or unconscious?

Debating whether to post this, but...

OP I noticed a post by you (under your usual name) about this relationship recently, and it was clear then you had unreasonably low expectations of him. I'm a firm believer that people will always act as badly as they feel they can get away with. You have to start expecting more from people.

I think the, "I take it you've dumped me?" text is unnecessary. Sorry! I can see why it's tempting but if you were my friend IRL and you told me you were tempted to send one of those, I'd confiscate your phone.

Instead of waiting and wondering and longing for closure, can we not set our own boundaries? OP - do you think it's good enough that he hasn't contacted you for a week, just after you've shagged? Is that the kind of man you want to date? Hasn't this altered your impression of him? Aren't you losing interest now?

Instead of giving him one more SECOND of your attention, you really should be turning your thoughts towards other stuff... Because you now think he's not god enough for you. You're not angry or invested enough to contact him again, because you've naturally lost interest in him. You've lost interest because he's being an uncommunicative flake and that's not your type.

That's how you should feel, or pretend to feel! Not "god I need to know if he still likes me" -- FUCK THAT NOISE. But instead, "Wow, I guess he's not the man I thought he was. I don't like being left in the cold like this. I've lost interest. At least I can just ignore him in return and not have to go through the cringey drama of ending things. I'll just let it go."

Then if he does get in touch, you can start from the position of strength -- from the position of, persuade me why I'd want to see you again. (You wouldn't say that! It'd just be in your natural lack of interest.)

I don't know the back history to this - re, low expectations- but I do know that such things are self fulfilling prophecies.

OP- even without doing it consciously, you are possibly giving off signals of low self worth.

Hardly 'I'm so grateful you have dated me ' but a bit along those lines.

I think Anuvva's take is great BUT I also think it's a bit too soon for you to come out fighting because you are disappointed and this is all so new.

But give yourself a few days and you really ought to be thinking @you bastard, you aren't going to treat ME like this!'- rather than thinking 'what is wrong with me?'

Thinking about it... by not calling him or texting again, YOU are back in the position of strength. Because he knows he's being a twat for avoiding you, but he DOESN'T know how you're taking it. Are you crying? Raging? Longing? Bitching? Missing? Dating? Busy? Happy? Desolate? Back with your ex? Emigrating? Starting a new job? Celebrating something? HE DOESNT GET TO KNOW THAT STUFF BECAUSE HES NOT CONTACTING YOU.

It's mystery that gets people (like your emotions now, all centred on needing to know the truth). And it gets TO people, too. Nothing you say will ever be as memorable as not saying anything.

Plus, if he is just ill or something and you send a "I take it we've finished?" text, you'll look mad.

God - I'm sorry I'm posting so much. I'm just really invested (too much!) in trying to get you to have an AHA! moment about why it makes no sense got you to contact this man again.

Sorry, I'll leave you in peace now!

I doubt he will care one way or the other.

People say that if you don't contact men, they come running. Not in my case.

We used to have French conversations, one of many things I'll miss. Bugger :(

Read a few of the posts here and felt it is worth saying that you can't assume anything. I remember a similar thing happened after I started dating DH.

Naturally I assumed I had been dumped silently and I called him and asked "are we finished?" Poor man was nearly hospitalised due to a bizarre infection he had contracted.

He tells me now that I lack sympathy; I still say how was I to know, I didn't hear from you for nearly two weeks.

The relationship is still in its early days and for him even though you have shagged you are still dating (the nature of men). If something has happened to him, you will probably not be the first person to hear about it (assuming he had family and a life before you).

Give it a couple more days and if you don't hear just give him a quick, casual call to catch up with him.

I doubt he is ill, or has had an accident, or lost his phone, or deleted all his contacts (he only has my phone no to contact me on), much as I'd like that to be the explanation.

Stupid me, buying him a present. I really am foolish.

Is he on a dating website? Can you see when he was last online OP x

stop saying you are foolish. you aren't. you did what a lot of people would do when dating a person near Xmas.

It's very easy to say move on, don't reply etc. when it's "consuming" your every waking hour! I know how this feels. I chose to make it FINAL with the last text I sent as I needed that closure!

Are you on whatsapp you can check when he was last on, DISCLAIMER: STALKER TERRITORY!!!!

He's not on whatsapp though I am.

I have a male 'friend' on there who is 23 and gorgeous, and has been desperate to shag me for the last 18 months. But I'd far rather have the guy I've been seeing, even though he's more than twice his age.

I hate to break this to you but if men like you they are
More often than not all over you like a rash.

I met a girl once and couldn't wait to see her. I would not have done anything to potentially jeopardise that by playing silly buggers.

Just move on. It's clear to me he isn't interested.

I'm sorry this is causing you so much sadness, I can't offer anything that hasn't already been said.
Have to say I think AnnuvaMuvva is spot on with this.
I think she's rather fab and wish she was my friend.

Of course he was never interested in me, and I should just get over it, silly me for not realising that. Thanks maleview

oh dear- why are you even bothering to have a lad of 23 as a 'friend'?

Be less needy,try not falling apart because it's only been a week?
And if he's chucked you,well dust yourself down,and don't mope about
This is a v intense reaction,given you live a distance apart and see each other every few weeks