Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

fear I've been dumped by silence YET again

617 replies

disappointedandsad · 20/12/2013 11:11

Have been dating someone for a couple of months. All seemed to be going brilliantly well (I thought). He is kind, intelligent, thoughtful, and generally lovely - or seemed to be. Heard from him last Friday when he said we'd sort out our next date after the end of term. I said that was fine, as was finishing work then for Xmas too, so was fairly free. And nothing since, I text him on Weds but no reply.

I have a horrible feeling I'm not going to hear from him again. This will be about the 6th time I've been dumped silently :(

I really thought he wasn't the type though - his general behaviour is quite gentlemanly, he's not an immature idiot. Plus, a few weeks ago we were watching tv and a famous(ish) singer came on, he said 'that bloke's a complete arse' I asked why and he said that one of his uni friends had dated him, and he had silently dumped her - and what a completely shitty thing that was to do to someone. Which I agreed with.

And now it looks like he's done it to me! Oh, the irony...

OP posts:
AnuvvaMuvva · 23/12/2013 11:45

And of course a man can pretend to love you etc etc just to get you in the sack. But fewer than you think would be willing to go through the whole process of faking a relationship just to get a shag. And they'd have to be a REAL bastard to do it.

Most blokes assume you're ok with casual sex if you have casual sex with them. Or they tell themselves you must be ok with it, and it's your fault if you shag them casually WITHOUT being ok with it. Which is fair enough, really.

Bakedpies · 23/12/2013 11:51

Thing is, this wasnt casual sex, the OP had been dating him for what, 2.5 months at that point?

Anuvva - how old were you when you met your partner though? 4 months is quite a long time to wait, as women have needs to, and many women would be quite unlikely to commit to someone having never done the deed.

AnuvvaMuvva · 23/12/2013 11:53

I was 39.

AnuvvaMuvva · 23/12/2013 11:56

I chose to shelve my "needs" for a bit! Or rather, I put my need to feel safe in the relationship over my need to have sex.

I'm not saying I'm some nun! The man I dated before I met my fiancé was a TOTAL arse who shagged me then vanished straight away. :( I made him wait too, but it still fell apart.

It's not a perfect system. Bit I'm a real nutjob after nookie, really keen and neurotic. Worse than anyone you know!

I'm not saying my way is the only way BY ANY MEANS. Lots of women shag on the first date and live happily ever after. I'm not preaching.

amerryair · 23/12/2013 11:56

Thing is, this wasnt casual sex, the OP had been dating him for what, 2.5 months at that point?

I think the OP only saw him every 2-3 weeks, and last saw him approx two weeks ago. She can only then have seen him a few times at most, surely, and for me, after so few actual dates would still be very casual 'relationship'.

scottishmummy · 23/12/2013 11:58

getting to I do what a dismal premise and title for book,we don't all yearn to be married
What about be happy,no I do required,man optional
These books prey on insecurities and societal expectation

MorrisZapp · 23/12/2013 11:58

if you phone him it'll just buy you a stay of execution. He'll be all 'oh how nice to hear from you, I've been mad busy' etc and will arrange to meet.

Then either cancel it, or keep going a few more dates and silent dump again.

He knows who you are, he knows where you are. You don't need to phone him.

Original poster
disappointedandsad · 23/12/2013 12:29

I didn't need to phone him in the end - he contacted me. There was a genuine reason why I hadn't heard from him.

I am both happy to have heard from him and relieved that I didn't have him completely wrong. As far as I'm concerned it's not a casual shag and I'm as sure as I can be that it isn't for him either. He's a very attractive and personable man, with a wide circle of friends. If he just wanted casual sex, I'm sure he could find it very easily.

Thanks to all those of you who provided kind and thoughtful advice, and took the time to post, especially those who had more faith even than me and were certain I'd hear something! I won't bother to comment on the ones who deliberately sought to dig me out, but in such a long thread I'm pleased it was only 3 or 4 people, and the majority were supportive :)

Thanks again!

OP posts:
varigatedivy · 23/12/2013 12:32

This is getting a bit chinese whispher-ish- RTFT as they say!
They dated for 3 months-ish, saw each other every 7-10 days and had sex about 10 days ago- after almost 3 months.

varigatedivy · 23/12/2013 12:32

sorry OP- xd posts.
Glad it's worked out.

nkf · 23/12/2013 12:34

There you go. You didn't actually have to do anything. Hope it goes from strength to strength.

BetterWithCranberryWensleydale · 23/12/2013 12:34

disappointed That made me smile. I'm glad it wasn't a silent dumping.

ToTheTeeth · 23/12/2013 12:35

Crumbs, crumbs, crumbs to keep the little mouse chasing the string.

scottishmummy · 23/12/2013 12:37

Good you heard from him,I don't think anyone dug you as you put it
I did comment it was a strong reaction,given short time you'd dated
So tell him how to spell your surname,swop emails and have a happy Xmas

ItsBiggerOnTheInside · 23/12/2013 12:41

Very pleased to hear your great news!

Have a good Christmas xx

MarmiteNotVegemite · 23/12/2013 12:44

OP, so pleased that there's been a happy resolution. Very best of luck to you & I hope the friendship into relationship keeps going. It sounds as though both of you are careful but compatible.

Someone asked about the "Being single" thread I mentioned.Here it is.

Being Single

SweetSeraphim · 23/12/2013 12:44

That's good news. What was his reason for not being in contact, out of interest?

sebsmummy1 · 23/12/2013 12:49

Brilliant. Love it. Be happy, enjoy your relationship xxxxx

ToTheTeeth · 23/12/2013 12:49

A phone call does not equal a resolution people! There is a pattern and it is being repeated yet again.

God I await with zero pleasure the repeat of this exact same thread in another six months.

ToTheTeeth · 23/12/2013 12:51

Apologies that was a harsh way of putting it the truth.

MaryzBoychildCheeszuzCrizpz · 23/12/2013 12:52

Oh, ffs ToTheTeeth.

Does it make you feel all superior and important, posting things like that?

ToTheTeeth · 23/12/2013 12:52

It makes me feel like I have an attention span.

CharlotteCollinsinherownplace · 23/12/2013 12:53

Oh yay, that's good news!

AnuvvaMuvva · 23/12/2013 12:57

Great news! I hope he's not having an awful reaction to his treatment, that he's feeling better and that you can get together again very soon.

OpalTourmaline · 23/12/2013 13:06

That's good news. Can we know what the reason was?