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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

fear I've been dumped by silence YET again

617 replies

disappointedandsad · 20/12/2013 11:11

Have been dating someone for a couple of months. All seemed to be going brilliantly well (I thought). He is kind, intelligent, thoughtful, and generally lovely - or seemed to be. Heard from him last Friday when he said we'd sort out our next date after the end of term. I said that was fine, as was finishing work then for Xmas too, so was fairly free. And nothing since, I text him on Weds but no reply.

I have a horrible feeling I'm not going to hear from him again. This will be about the 6th time I've been dumped silently :(

I really thought he wasn't the type though - his general behaviour is quite gentlemanly, he's not an immature idiot. Plus, a few weeks ago we were watching tv and a famous(ish) singer came on, he said 'that bloke's a complete arse' I asked why and he said that one of his uni friends had dated him, and he had silently dumped her - and what a completely shitty thing that was to do to someone. Which I agreed with.

And now it looks like he's done it to me! Oh, the irony...

OP posts:
Original poster
disappointedandsad · 23/12/2013 13:10

Ah, Totheteeth what a little ray of sunshine you are! This isn't the first time you and I have crossed swords, I can only assume jealousy is at the root of your comments.

I suspect if your own relationships were more satisfactory, you wouldn't feel the need to put others down quite so much :)

Just to add, scottishmummy, I took no offence at your comments. I may not always agree with you, but having seen many of your posts over the years it's quite clear to me you just post your honest opinion, which may or may not be popular!

OP posts:
Peekska · 23/12/2013 13:16

I'm curious to know what was his reason? I thought we'd pretty much covered all possibilities here so I'd be interested to know. Xmas Grin

In these cases there so very often isn't a good reason, so whatever his reason was, it's also something to bear in mind to suggest as a possibillity to the next person who posts a similar thread.

scottishmummy · 23/12/2013 14:12

Get that mans email address,and be LL coolJ about your relationship

HanselandGretel · 23/12/2013 14:56

Had a feeling you'd hear, it's very easy to jump to conclusions and let the mind run riot, so I'm glad that he's been in touch.
Will there be another date OP?

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 23/12/2013 15:40

:) good news. I am intrigued as to the good reason but I hope you have a really lovely Christmas and New Year.

Buzzardisnotina4birdroast · 23/12/2013 16:20

Knew it Wink Hope you have a lovely time together over Christmas Smile

SantasPelvicFloor · 23/12/2013 16:39

I await the posters who because the OP won't divulge someone else's personal stuff online are going to tell her
A) it's a lie
B) she's making it up

And endless other conspiracies

Sometimes people are just human and life gets in the way

MadhbhORave · 23/12/2013 17:04

Disappointed! I'm so glad that it wasn't a silent dumping and that he is still what you thought he was!

Ignore all the comments about this being about you! no idea at all why we would be here in six months.

Even if it had been a silent dumping it wasn't because you sub-consciously set out to be treated badly! Confused

I have read threads where I've thought, omg, "raise your bar"

MadhbhORave · 23/12/2013 17:04

but not this one!

MadhbhORave · 23/12/2013 17:11

@ scottishmummy, no way on god's green earth would i ever get married but i would like to be treated with respect and I certainly don't invite the opposite. So easy to tell single women it's all always their fault.

Annuvamuvver, so agree with everything you say, yes, for 6 years I put my safety and security and equilibrium above all else. Only now feeling that I could poke my head out from under the parapet and think about a relationship. But I make no apology for having my own terms now. I am not a people pleaser any more. Not going to have casual sex to appear cooooooool. Not going to pretend that sex on its own disconnected from a relationship would meet any need for me.

MrsHeisenberg · 23/12/2013 17:14

I'm really pleased for you, OP. Great news!
I actually think it's better if you don't reveal the reason. It might just lead to further speculation.
I wish you a wonderful Christmas! :)

Tinks42 · 23/12/2013 17:22

Im really pleased you're happy OP. I however wouldn't put up with this he'd have had to be in a coma.

FluffyJumper · 23/12/2013 17:24

Hurrah!

MasterP0 · 23/12/2013 17:38

Good news OP, all that matters is you're happy! Merry Christmas

LoonvanBoon · 23/12/2013 17:54

That's great news, OP - so pleased for you! Hope you have a lovely Christmas too.

thenightsky · 23/12/2013 19:29

Great news OP

told you so

Tinks42 · 23/12/2013 19:33

May we know the reason OP?

amistillpregnant · 23/12/2013 19:50

OP, I am loving this. That is great news. Good for you Grin

Just out of interest, does the op still need to seek counselling Hmm or did op only need to see a counsellor if she didn't hear from him again. It is the most twisted logic I have ever heard.

You cannot control someone else's awful behaviour & like I said upthread, it is the perpetrators that need the therapy as they are the ones who have acted in bad appallingly.

Happy Christmas, op!!

amistillpregnant · 23/12/2013 19:52

*acted appallingly

ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch · 23/12/2013 20:02

Glad things have worked out.

Tinks42 · 23/12/2013 20:03

I feel the reason that it was suggested for the OP to have councilling, which by the way is a fantastic thing to do, I still go once in a while just to offload (talk my arse off about me for a bit without any other influences) is that she told us she has a bit of a record for liking an arse. This man didn't think it necessary to contact the OP until quite a few days after becoming intimate with her, even leaving it a few days after she text him. I do hope that the OP reigns in her feelings for him. I'm also dying to know what his excuse was.

SweetSeraphim · 23/12/2013 20:15

The reason I want to know what his excuse was, is purely because I want to make sure the OP isn't accepting apathy from him. That's all. If that's the case, she can do better.

Tinks42 · 23/12/2013 20:22

So do I SweetSeraphim. If I took a relationship one step further I'd feel that he should step up the contact not back track.

Utterly · 23/12/2013 20:30

Iamistillpregnant - I'm getting the impression you don't know too much about this area - maybe research it a little more?

Original poster
disappointedandsad · 23/12/2013 20:48

I'm not giving the reason, sorry, it's too identifying to him. But I'm satisfied with it. I appreciate some of you might want to know, whether from genuine curiousity, or to pick it apart and criticise me, but I won't be divulging it.

I'm not sure where the misconception came from that he didn't contact me 'for days' post-sex, I'm fairly sure I haven't said that? He contacted me the next day, and every couple of days thereafter, continuing the established pattern between us, until last Friday. Just to clear that up :)

OP posts: