My partner has posted videos of me on a porn website

[cannotfuckingbelievethis]

I have namechanged as I'm mortified to think that this has happened.

Together 18yrs, 2 young DCS aged 5 and 3. Had the usual ups and downs you would expect during 18yrs together. Our sex life used to be pretty good, we experimented with different things and OH liked to take pictures of me which I wasn't into at first but then came round to the idea. As long as they were for his use only I didn't really have a problem but only let him take them when I felt like it. He was trying to spice things up over the last couple of months and recorded me a few times when we were having sex. I did not explicitly say "do not post these anywhere else" (because I shouldn't fucking have to I would have thought !) But I have mentioned in the past about how I would horrible it would be if a partner or an ex did this. So he knows my feelings on the subject.

When I found out last night I just asked him flat out why he did it. He said he liked the idea of people watching me and getting turned on. I said what about what I like and what I want ? He said he "thought" I would like it too. I told him I was fucking raging and wanted them off the site now and that he knew how I felt about it as I'd already said they were for him to watch and no one else.

I feel like such a fucking idiot. I know it was my decision to trust him but we're not talking about some teenager who is coerced into making a video. I've known him for a bloody lifetime. He doesn't seem to be seeing it as that big a deal and was kind of joking last night about "any chance of a blowjob then ?" I told him to fuck off.

Apart from all of the above which makes him sound like a complete prick he is a brilliant Dad and a good partner, though not the most affectionate. I could fucking kill him just now I'm so angry.

And in a while reassess if you are happy, if you are moving towards a happier place, and if he is part of that happiness or if it's happening regardless of him.

Whatever you feel right now does not have to be what you feel forever. You might think you are fine for the next day, week, month, decade and then change. That is fine. You don't have to live forever with whatever decision you have made.

I took someone back once. After a while a knew I barely liked him never mind loved him so finished things. He was heart broken. I was happy and free. He shouldn't have done what he did if he cared so much .

Good luck.

OP will be fine over christmas as he'll be on best b over christmas.

I'm afraid, I agree with clam that this type of entitled man can tune out when they're being hauled over the coals for their faults. From his pov it is easier to sit their and absorb the insults and not react than to move out. He's "allowing" to vent. But he's still in the house.

I think it's really good advice to assess your own happiness at regular intervals from now on. You have confronted the possibility of going it alone as a single mother, and once you've really really thought about it as a reality I think the ground beneath you shifts. You know you could do it.

All the best OP, you have handled yourself with such dignity. I hope your OH puts all of his energy into making you happy in the future.

OP how are you doing?