Discovered wife's affair - advice please

[husbandwhowantstostaymarried]

Hello. Never posted on here before.

Married 10 years, two boys at primary school.

Over the past few years I've had job problems and am currently working in Edinburgh from Monday to Friday and am only at home near Carlisle at weekends.

My wife has made a good friend of a man who came to do some work about the house and I know (I have seen emails between them which were subsequently deleted) that they are having a sexual affair. The wording left it in no doubt whatsoever. This has been going on for six weeks and it's clear she loves him and is having better sex than she does with me. It's also clear that he's doing a little bit of the old treat'em'mean act by not responding to all her emails and not always coming round when he says.

My wife talks about this man as if he is a friend and I am trying not to sound jealous. I don't want to drive her closer into his embrace. I want to save my marriage. I am trying to get a contract working nearer home. Wife and me are in our mid-40s, he is late 30s.

Advice, please.

I don't have anyone I can talk to - no close male friends, I can't talk to anyone in my family because I really, really don't want them falling out with my wife (if my parents found out, there would be hell to pay).

Thanks

Mumsnet, I had that once with you: I had changed a few key details to preserve anonymity (gender of DC, locations) and was deleted for being a troll, as my circumstances are unusual. That's tough. I have not felt able to post anything particularly personal since then even though I now have a different account. It's a shame.

OP good luck. One last point, please make sure at all times that your DC are safe if this OM uses drugs and is generally unreliable. Knowing he uses should be sufficient reason for you to explain to your DW that you don't want him in the house ever, and why (spell it out that he is a danger to your children if he takes drugs).

I hate troll hunting. Once under a name change I posted about a very difficult family situation. I mentioned that in an attempt to resolve my situation I'd made a list of the pros and cons of two possible courses of actions and after that I was accused of being a troll, all the advice turned to abuse and two people who are considered MN royalty were discussing me on another unrelated thread which I came across by accident, a truly horrible experience.

Good luck OP, I believe that some of the parts of the orthodox MN response to adultery in relationships is not in the best interests of the long term emotional well being of the participants.

I was the OP. As for those of you who keep thinking I'm fake, have you any idea how frustrating it is not to be believed when you're looking for help?

I have never been one to say 'I told you so' but...I did

It was glaringly obvious to me and a few others

MFC because I bloody knew he was a fake, wind your neck in FFS

I was getting a bit cross on behalf of the respondents who offered advice and sympathy Minnie. I seem to have a radar for spotting fakes

It seems your radar is bloody useless, FandF.

on the same computer, regardless of what ID they choose or how many different email addresses they have, will still have that unique IP address as an identifier....hope you understand that now

Wrong again. Never heard of Dynamic IPs? Well, read about them and stop being so ignorant.

I was frankly horrified that so many were completely unable to see an obviously fake OP

On this thread the OP was lapping up the fawning feeding of cuckold wankfestery

What a load of balls, LJ.

Anyone ever come across the word 'apology' around here?

^^
I think the word "gullible" would be more useful around here TBH

Now, please stop feeding.....

I prefer credulous myself. Great word. Why is the thread still here if HQ have said the OP is not what he says he is

I, too, remain unconvinced.

The detailed descriptions were your undoing my friend. You're either not all you say you are or rather odd if you think sharing those details was appropriate.

Firmly agree with hogwash and sparkly