Discovered wife's affair - advice please

[husbandwhowantstostaymarried]

Hello. Never posted on here before.

Married 10 years, two boys at primary school.

Over the past few years I've had job problems and am currently working in Edinburgh from Monday to Friday and am only at home near Carlisle at weekends.

My wife has made a good friend of a man who came to do some work about the house and I know (I have seen emails between them which were subsequently deleted) that they are having a sexual affair. The wording left it in no doubt whatsoever. This has been going on for six weeks and it's clear she loves him and is having better sex than she does with me. It's also clear that he's doing a little bit of the old treat'em'mean act by not responding to all her emails and not always coming round when he says.

My wife talks about this man as if he is a friend and I am trying not to sound jealous. I don't want to drive her closer into his embrace. I want to save my marriage. I am trying to get a contract working nearer home. Wife and me are in our mid-40s, he is late 30s.

Advice, please.

I don't have anyone I can talk to - no close male friends, I can't talk to anyone in my family because I really, really don't want them falling out with my wife (if my parents found out, there would be hell to pay).

Thanks

I am no angel, btw. I come to these conclusions through bitter experience....

What also makes the troll threads go on longer is when people feed them by losing their rag and giving them the anger and the vitriol they get off on

I think the op enjoyed all the name calling aimed at him far more than the advice given.

And I thinking youve spotted a troll doesnt give anyone the right to say some of the things that were said. One day you will be wrong

And what merry said,

"What also makes the troll threads go on longer is when people feed them by losing their rag"

That's very minor compared to the numpties continually feeding the trolls, page after page after page.

And I reckon people call trolls wrong a minute fraction of the time they get it right.

Well, that is lovely isn't it? Calling others "numpties" just because they like to follow the rules and give the benefit of the doubt just in case?

The rules are there for a reason. You are not a very important person who is exempt from those rules. Just because the probability of calling troll turning out to be wrong is very low, does not make it ok.

It is worth Googling "How to spot a Troll".

There is lots of interesting information to be had, and some incredibly lengthy academic studies on the topic for anyone who has the time to read them!

I think people need to take a step back some times, on this thread it was a couple of posters calling troll.

For people to get so aggressive and crazy because they have spotted a troll is quite frankly bizarre.

Moomins, lots of people questioned whether the OP was genuine. A very few cried Troll publicly, but far more (I suspect) reported the thread.

And if your child has died, and people call troll then getting it wrong even once is once too much imho

Id rather be a numpty, at least im not running the risk of hurting any body

I reported it last night. Surprised to find it still here tbh

.

Op. You are a sicko.

Get the help you clearly need.

Cockend.

How awful.

People like this make a mockery of the genuine posters.

My blood pressure is perfectly fine thank you. WTAF makes your opinions any better than mine?

Good lord fifty was really in response to my post?

You seem to be reading something I didn't write. I don't have any strong opinions on this thread and certainly don't believe one opinion is better than any other.

I said that I "didn't understand" the extreme reactions. Given your response I stand by my concern for your blood pressure....

I think HQ are leaving it up a bit longer than usual because there is some decent discussion going on now about the best way to respond to obvious trolls. And we will all be singing kumbayaaaa together by the end of the thread...

There is a lot to be learned from this thread.

"Perfect example of shooting the messenger going on here"

Mainly by those who didnt understand the message and were made to look complete fools, oddly enough

"They literally lap up being called names and sworn at. It makes their wanking hands literally move faster. And really people, stop sharing intimate details of your sex lives on a public website"

Nonsense. On this thread the OP was lapping up the fawning feeding of cuckold wankfestery, those showing scepticism threatened to stop the party and that was about the only thing that rattled the OP.

About gussets ?

The OP wasn't "rattled" he/she was loving the trading of insults. I am surprised you didn't pick up on that.

Meant to say I agree Totally with the "stop sharing intimate details" stuff, especially on threads where posters are showing scepticism.

And we are all still feeding the Troll.

I don't agree at all that he was enjoying the insults. He went quiet after the most strenuous of people calling troll and then came back when more posters showed up believing him and giving him something to feed off. This was ALL about attention for him and the chance to talk about inspecting undies - grim!

And we are all still feeding the Troll.

How many times do I have to say that?