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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He called me a 'fat cunt', then said 'just reacting to you'.......

200 replies

oopsadaisyme · 03/12/2013 16:24

So, followed some advice and told my OH how I was feeling about some stuff, hoping for a chat to resolve -

He went totally on the defensive and saw me as 'attacking him' (apparently), started the name calling, and I walked away -

I have put on some poundage recently, and he knows it's upsetting me, so this has really hit a nerve............

I'm not one to take offence at 'words', never have been, sticks and stones and all that, but this killed me, it was so nasty and ill placed, obviously there's never a right time to call someone this, but i'm quite hardened to certain things -

Needless to say, told him to do one, not answering the phone, nothing, I really tried with him, I did, but do not want him here right now, possibly ever, just out of order.............!!! sad, but not so much, prick!!

OP posts:
Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 03/12/2013 23:36

He's taken eveerything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
TheCatThatSmiled · 03/12/2013 23:38

Your bank account? Not joint? Report to the police!

Utter, utter bastard.

Shaky · 03/12/2013 23:40

Oh my fucking god! What a complete bastard he is. I'm so sorry this shit is happening to you. I am enraged for you Angry

As other have said, keep posting if you feel up to it, rant away, you are among people who care Flowers

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 03/12/2013 23:42

It was joint, he's got it all, what the fuck do i do, it's xmas, the kids, omg

OP posts:
Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 03/12/2013 23:47

oh bloody stupid, stupid me -

OP posts:
Kwitter · 03/12/2013 23:48

Wow, what a complete cretin, there appears to be no filter.

I would immediately take his texts to the police, get the harassment recorded and then only talk to him through your solicitor.

Don't worry about the money, everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright then it's not yet the end. Make sure the money is taken into account when drawing up the divorce settlement.

Whatever you do, do not be fooled into letting him back in the house, he sounds capable of anything and you may be putting yourself and DCs in harms way.

What an unbelievable shit!

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 03/12/2013 23:51

kwitter that was the kids xmas money, he's taken everything!!!!!!

OP posts:
Kwitter · 03/12/2013 23:56

I hate to come over all tough love here but if it is that you have to have a slim Christmas this year they will survive. But it probably will not come to that.

What you need to do first thing is speak to a solicitor and find out what can be done.

It will be ok.

There is a shed load of karma coming his way.

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 03/12/2013 23:59

He's taken everything

OP posts:
Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 04/12/2013 00:05

he's withdrawn every single penny from our bank account - we have nothing

OP posts:
Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 04/12/2013 00:08

going to bed - maybe i'll wake up and this hasn't happend

OP posts:
Kwitter · 04/12/2013 00:10

He's lost far more.

What has your friends hubby ( the solicitor) said about it? Is he family law?
Do you work? You could speak to your employers about a sub?
Are you on benefits? There might be a Christmas/emergency loan you are entitled to.
Consult a solicitor.
Report to the police, even if all they do is record the abusive texts.
Citizens advice tomorrow.
Can any friends or family help in the short term?
Speak to the women's organisation recommended up thread.

All is not hopeless, there will be a way.

Whatever you do, don't let him back in.

Kwitter · 04/12/2013 00:16

Sleep is a very good idea.
If you struggle, get a pair of scissors and cut the crotch out of all his trousers and underpants. Positive action, very therapeutic...

There is little you can do tonight so try not to lie there fretting. Easy for me to say, I know.

You will fix it tomorrow.

BOF · 04/12/2013 00:30

Again, sell his stuff.

mathanxiety · 04/12/2013 02:48

Oops, if you're awake, sending you (((()))).

On Wednesday:
Put his stuff together and get rid or sell. Sell it back to him?
Get your locks changed.

Don't worry about Christmas.

Report theft from the bank to the police. I don't know if they can do anything about it, but while you're talking to them see about a protection order. Your ex sounds like a really angry man who thinks rules don't apply to him.

Lweji · 04/12/2013 05:56

So sorry to hear this. :(

It happened to me, just not before Christmas.

Print out the bank statements. Can you borrow from friends and family?

Do you have a credit card?

Selling his stuff is an excellent idea.

In any case, could you or your friend tell him to put it back or you'll go to the police? It's financial abuse if not straight theft.

mathanxiety · 04/12/2013 06:08

You will need to contact your local CAB and also all utilities and your mortgage provider to explain your money problem and also stop direct debits. Maybe your friend will help out here.

This is a terrible thing he has done.

mathanxiety · 04/12/2013 06:09

*CAB wrt emergency funds and sorting out any other help you may qualify for.

mathanxiety · 04/12/2013 06:10

(((((XXXXXXXXX)))))

cloudskitchen · 04/12/2013 06:45

Just when I thought he could stoop no lower. You have all his stuff. I'm hoping there might be ipads/tabs/laptops amongst it. At the least you can hold it hostage until money returned. At worst you can sell it. He's playing very dirty to get you to cave in to him. Can you talk to his parents about what he's doing? Big hugs xx

pictish · 04/12/2013 08:23

There you have it. Concrete proof that this man is an abusive piece of shit.

He is firmly of the belief that it is his right to verbally abuse and insult you because he feels like it, and furthermore, it is your role simply to suck it up.
When you have the audacity to stand up for yourself, he feels entitled to punish your insubordination in whatever manner he chooses.
How dare you not put up with it! Do you imagine your feelings matter? Not compared to his they don't, you cheeky bitch.
Oh, and by the way...it will be your own fault that the kids miss out on Christmas. You made him do it by being so unreasonable as to think you deserved better than his shit.

I sincerely hope you can sort the money business out with your friend's help.

He's a bad man.

Unlikelyamazonian · 04/12/2013 08:36

He sounds NPD. Have you heard of this? Entitled, bullying, raging, willing to fuck over his kids without a thought blah blah. God you will be so well rid of this vile worm.

Be bold and bloody now. Stay tough and get all the legal help you can.

Stupidhead · 04/12/2013 09:01

Your friend sounds amazing! Keep the texts and you should get a divorce on terms of his bad behaviour no problem. My ex was the same and again I didn't think it was abuse until after I'd left,I would pray he would hit me so I had something to show for it.

I swear like a trooper (within reason) and once had to explain - after I'd left - to my then 9 yr old son what a cunt was. I assumed he'd heard it from school but he said 'no that's what daddy used to call you...'.

Don't ever let him worm his way back x

Stupidhead · 04/12/2013 09:11

Fuck! Just seen the bit about the accounts. Solicitor today. ASAP! Contact the bank, do you have a separate personal account just for you?

Don't worry about Christmas, my first without exh was tight money wise but they still had stockings filled with tatt but the relaxing Christmas without 'him' meant more than anything to them. It's only a day, presents ultimately mean nothing, you can make it special on the cheap. Get your locks changed today, could any friends can help you with that?

After I had abusive texts/calls I showed or told my solicitor and ever since 'he' can only contact me via text. It's up to me to answer or not.

Your ex is a pathetic turd and I'd love to punch his fucking lights out x

SweetSeraphim · 04/12/2013 11:16

Any news OP?