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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He called me a 'fat cunt', then said 'just reacting to you'.......

200 replies

oopsadaisyme · 03/12/2013 16:24

So, followed some advice and told my OH how I was feeling about some stuff, hoping for a chat to resolve -

He went totally on the defensive and saw me as 'attacking him' (apparently), started the name calling, and I walked away -

I have put on some poundage recently, and he knows it's upsetting me, so this has really hit a nerve............

I'm not one to take offence at 'words', never have been, sticks and stones and all that, but this killed me, it was so nasty and ill placed, obviously there's never a right time to call someone this, but i'm quite hardened to certain things -

Needless to say, told him to do one, not answering the phone, nothing, I really tried with him, I did, but do not want him here right now, possibly ever, just out of order.............!!! sad, but not so much, prick!!

OP posts:
Umpire · 03/12/2013 22:21

ps2

take screen shots of the texts and email them to yourself!

SweetSeraphim · 03/12/2013 22:23

And me, Umpire. Had I not posted here and listened to what I was told, I would have been living a completely different life. Shudder.

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 03/12/2013 22:24

umpire she's just gone out the house, with my phone, saying 'this is wrong, I'll be back' so haven't got my phone anymore, she has -

god knows what he's said, but no phone for me -

OP posts:
cloudskitchen · 03/12/2013 22:29

Has she been texting him or speaking to him from your phone? Where has she gone? Is she coming back? I'm glad you've got her on your side Grin

Umpire · 03/12/2013 22:32

Oh. Brew Well, I hope you don't feel cut off now that you're without communication. There's not much point your friend wading in really. It'll just reinforce his belief that everybody else needs to reason with him and that everybody needs to win him over.

The most powerful way to communicate a message to these abusive types is to just say good bye it's over and not waste your energy or your breath trying to convince them that their behaviour was abusive and that you have the right to end things.

But, I'm sure you are exhausted at the moment from trying to do what he wants and to react how he wants you to react, so, if you want your phone back don't be afraid to say that you want your phone back.

I hope your friend is going to support you emotionally, and not take charge of you telling you what to do and what to say and how to feel.

The only thing you have to do for now is keep him out of the house. I hope you're ok.

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 03/12/2013 22:34

cloud no, she's been ranting to her OH about texts on my phone received - Think I may have got another she hasn't told me about, hense, nipping out -I think she just doesn't want me to hear -

OP posts:
Umpire · 03/12/2013 22:34

@ sweetseraphim, yes, shudder is right. The thoughts of that parallel universe [yikes]

SweetSeraphim · 03/12/2013 22:36

I think about it sometimes Umpire, when I'm lying next to my lovely sleeping DP. I find it strangely comforting. This place made me strong enough to end it, seeing it in black and white helps somehow.

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 03/12/2013 22:39

umpire just so up the wall with things- no, I don't want someone taking over, yes, love my mate, but just want normal -

tired

OP posts:
cloudskitchen · 03/12/2013 22:44

The fact that your friend has reacted the way she has just confirms how outrageous you oh has been. She's obviously livid. I really hope you get some sleep tonight. When I had a lot on my mind (lost my mum a few years ago) I would just lie in bed with lights off and radio on so my body rested but I couldn't hear my brain ticking Smile x

Umpire · 03/12/2013 22:46

It takes a while to get to 'normal'.

The quickest way to get peace is to make it clear that you're out, it's over.

From then on, resist resist resist the natural urge to defend yourself and get in to discussion.

You're probably overwhelmed. No more advice for now.

when you get your phone back and he starts bombarding you with texts, come back here and we'll advise you.

Stay strong.

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 03/12/2013 22:53

cloud your me xx I've lost everyone (i'm so sorry you lost your mum x) but I often lay in bed with thoughts (talksport is my random choice of radio, don't know why, but they chat alot!!)

My OH (although, now ex OH) works in the nights for his 'job', a 'personality' so to speak, so have been on my own often....

OP posts:
SweetSeraphim · 03/12/2013 22:54

You haven't lost everyone oops. Look at everyone here that has your back Thanks

cloudskitchen · 03/12/2013 22:55

LBC for me. There are some really dull people on the radio in the early hours of the morning. They quite literally bore me back to sleep (bit mean I know) Grin

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 03/12/2013 22:58

sweet thanks xx

OP posts:
Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 03/12/2013 22:59

clouds that's why I listen to talksport!! x

OP posts:
cloudskitchen · 03/12/2013 23:04

I'll have to try that one. I'm off to bed now. Hope you have a peaceful night. Will check in in the morning x

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 03/12/2013 23:06

Cloud thank you for your posts xx

OP posts:
GimmeDaBoobehz · 03/12/2013 23:08

What a complete wanker.

Those comments are beyond vile.

I

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 03/12/2013 23:11

Gimme yeah, starting to understand that now - stupid me x

OP posts:
BOF · 03/12/2013 23:14

You're not stupid. Never feel stupid for trying to see the best in people. You deserve so much more though- surround yourself with your fabulous friends, and start imagining a future of being loved and respected, whichever form that takes Thanks.

Umpire · 03/12/2013 23:17

you're not stupid.

Plenty of time to go back over all the knocks you've had over the years that lead you to accept bad behaviour or ignore warning signs. work on your self esteem when you've had time to draw breath and cry and think straight. one thing at a time. Brew

I totally agree with mathanxiety's post earlier. If you tell him the marriage is over and then switch off your phone, you'll have achieved something huge. Don't berate yourself. congratulate yourself.

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 03/12/2013 23:32

He's just emptied my bank account............

Oh my god, the kids xmas, what the fuck do I do now -

Oh my god

OP posts:
BOF · 03/12/2013 23:33

Sell his stuff.

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 03/12/2013 23:33

that was the text my friend was trying to sort -

OP posts: