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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The git is refusing to move in with his friend...

835 replies

Lemmingswife · 15/07/2006 09:06

Until we exchange contracts on our house!
I am SO angry & upset. This could take months & months.
I asked him last night if he was intending to make the move sometime next week, seen as his friend returns late on Sunday. He said "I'm not moving in with him....well not until the house has been sold & we have exchanged contracts."
He told me that he was prepared to make the move, until a friend (who he won't name) pointed out how ridiculous it would be to look after the children in the house if I ever went out & he said that it wouldn't be right to take them to his friends house.
He said that HE pays the mortgage & the TV licence and had every right to stay as long as he needed to, but he wants out too, which is why the quicker this house sells, the better.
I was so upset & furious after he came out with this last night. I cannot go on like this for what could be months, I will seriously lose it.
I would move out with the children myself, if I could.
He kept putting on a silly fake laugh, saying "Imagine me coming to this house to look after the children. How ridiculous!"
I am so cross & so upset. I cannot go through the whole of the summer like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 10/08/2006 23:22

DSW, you have not caused any upset. Thank you for your support.

OP posts:
Blu · 10/08/2006 23:23

No, dSw, stay! LW needs pithy wisdom! Was just updating you!

LW - how very horrible. tbh, if he is just sound and fury, it MIGHT be best to simply ignore it and not let yourself be intimidated by his nasyiness and violence. Butif he is smashing your stuff, or starts directly on you, call the police.

desperateSCOUSEwife · 10/08/2006 23:23

nah i shouldnt butt in when i dont know all the facts lm
i have been where you are and just want you to know that it is not worth it
keep strong and ya chin up babe
xxx

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 10/08/2006 23:24

I am scared. Why is he throwing things?

OP posts:
SherlockLGJ · 10/08/2006 23:25

LW

All I am saying is...................walk away.........go to bed.

If he continues to throw things...............he will have to call the Control Freak in...................................... to tidy up. (Oh arse, that is him)

FloatingOnTheMed · 10/08/2006 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FloatingOnTheMed · 10/08/2006 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blu · 10/08/2006 23:26

Something has got him going. Probably related to the elec bill...and has been spinning his sob story to mates bout how he is going to get fleeced. hence your apparant lack of any rights to watch tv.

Is it still quiet?

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 10/08/2006 23:26

I haven't a clue, FOTM.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 10/08/2006 23:27

Quiet atm.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 10/08/2006 23:27

He has been ganbling on the horses with his mates

OP posts:
SherlockLGJ · 10/08/2006 23:29

GO to BED

Blu · 10/08/2006 23:29

I think we know how he did, then!

What a selfish irresponsible git he is.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 10/08/2006 23:30

Don't want to go upstairs yet

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 10/08/2006 23:32

How are you, Blu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 10/08/2006 23:39

Going to bed now

OP posts:
FloatingOnTheMed · 10/08/2006 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blu · 10/08/2006 23:49

Hey up, LW, just got back - has been a right old saga and very gruelling - big fright over mum, she was in hospital from Friday, then big operation on Tuesday, but all very sucesful, no lasting repercussions, once her 6 week convalescances is over (bowel hernia). But am v exhausted...and DP just got home and wants to nkow all news.

i really hope H setles down. Log this as an incident, call the police if he gets dangerous to you - and despite what your mother or anyone else thinks, this is a clear indication that you do need legal help in case he gambles away the roof over the boys heads!!

And another thing....(rant rant) if YOU haven't had a heart attack over this it's unlikely that your dad will, from the comfort of his ringside seat!! The time for his heart to be under strain was when you were so frightened by H that you couldn't even withstand entreaties from his terrified little boy to 'not tell daddy'. THAT's the kind of thing that should have your dad's paternal hackles rising.

tribpot · 11/08/2006 07:30

LW, how are things this morning? Can you make your solicitor aware of last night's incident today?

DVX · 11/08/2006 08:03

Hi Lw throwing things is counted in every definition of DV as violence and intimidation. I would log it as Blu says and tell your solicitor. You can speak to him/her on the phone as well as going to see them.

I hope you slept and that you are ok! Lots of love and chin up!

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 11/08/2006 09:16

That all sounds pretty scary, Blu! Glad your Mum is on the mend now though. It's good to see you back.

Things have calmed down now. H is all very apologetic. Will post more later.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 11/08/2006 09:19

Claims to have been in a bad mood because he thought he had lost his mobile phone & doesn't remember throwing things because he was drunk!
Thank you all for your support last night.

OP posts:
Freckle · 11/08/2006 09:22

Presumably doesn't remember telling you that you have no right to watch the television as he pays for the licence either, I suppose?

How convenient that he can absolve himself of any responsibility for his actions on the grounds that he was drunk.

Does he have a drink problem? After all, you seem to post on almost a daily basis that he is down the pub for seemingly hours on end; that he comes back drunk; he's gambling beyond sensible boundaries, etc.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 11/08/2006 09:59

He claims he didn't remember until I reminded him this morning. He apologised & said "I bet you can't wait until this is all over"

He does drink quite a lot. He says he needs to drink because of the circumstances.

OP posts:
kando · 11/08/2006 10:16

Hi Lemmingswife. Have just read your thread and have to say you are doing such a great job. Your H sounds like a complete "malaka" (as they say in Greece). I can't believe your parents are being so unsupportive and difficult about this - they are treating you like you are a child! Thanks for all your advice on my other thread a while ago - I didn't realise you had all this going on too. You are such a strong person, and your boys are lucky to have such a great mum. Perhaps if we ever make it to your neck of the woods, we could meet up! By that time, you will be that beautiful butterfly ... Stay strong. xx