I still haven't moved out, do I take everything? Part 2

[FarOverTheRainbow]

This is a follow on from the first thread I done in AIBU here's the link

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1867926-WIBU-to-move-out-and-take-everything

I can't thank everyone enough for all the help and support you've given me. It's been invaluable and you lovely people have helped get me out of a really dark place and are still doing so. When I read the start of my old thread and think about how I felt 8 weeks ago I never thought I'd be where I am now and even though I still have a long long way to go I wouldn't be half way here if it wasn't for the support here very soppy but so true

I hope I don't lose anyone moving to here

1. The Section 21 they served you is invalid. They have not served proper notice.

By my reckoning, your last day is 15th (the day before the payment is due) they should have used those dates.

As their section 21 is invalid, you don't need to abide by it.

CHECK THIS OUT FOR SURE - MAKE SURE YOU ARE CLEAR ON WHEN THE CONTRACTUAL DATES ARE.

Text would be: According to Legal Advice the Notice you served was incorrect and therefore invalid. Your options therefore are to reserve notice prior to 16th December for the period of 2 months, my legal due date to leave then on February 16th.

You however are only legally obligated to give 1m notice, from the day before the date of the contractual payment date (i.e. 15th of any given month.) As soon as the 16th hits, the next window for legal notice moves TO THE FOLLOWING MONTH. Notice can be served at anytime before that date, but the notice period can only start FROM that date.

Text would be: Of course if I am able to arrange suitable accommodation, i can give 1m notice which will shorten this notice period. If however I am unable to find suitable accommodation, I will not be giving notice and will need to follow legal procedure to ensure my rights in this regard are not compromised

i.e that you won't leave, they WILL have to take you to court, but only after serving proper,legal notice.

At no point will they be allowed to enter your home without your express permission. Failure to observe this is trespass and will be viewed as harassment. A criminal act.

1. With regard to the belongings. You paid for them, you take them.

If he can prove ownership in a court of law, he will get them back.

CLEAR ON THAT?

short version = you can make this all drag out for a MINIMUM of 3 months - possibly 6.

I'm going to
Hire a van to move and ill stay close to the house and make side someone's there.

The council have phoned to say they've found a match so waiting to see what

Hang on in there, lovely. You're almost there. This is the last stretch! Will x fingers the council place is perfect, and the newly recommended solicitor is a good match. Might also be worth trying the Stratford one Jiminy offered as backup? I know it's further away but you could go with your parents, and a lot of the communication is via email/phone anyway. And Jiminy spoke really highly of the woman you'd be instructing.

Have you 'phoned the solicitors (any firm)
We want to help, but you don't seem to respond.
I kmow it's difficult.I know it's awful. But now you need to get your shit together.

I've phoned 3 solicitors this afternoon, 1 is getting the last to call me back, another is full and another has said given me a list of what I need to prove domestic violence and have said that if I stay with WA refuge for more then 24 he and they write a letter to sayso then that makes me qualify. There's other stuff they said I could do too like if I have an injunction out or he has a criminal conviction for violence against me.

I got hold of women's rights too and they were really helpful And told me to stick to what we agreed and take that and that I won't get arrested the police will say its a civil matter, they did tell
Me to
Report his new texts to the
Police and say that I have asked him not to contact me but he still is as I would just like this recorded and that if I decided to go for an injunction then this would help. She also said that she thinks I've done the right thig stopping contact and he sounds guilty of neglect and my tenancy agreement sounds like I've paid until 15th. She was really helpful.

I know I bury my head onthe sand but I'm just one of them people who wants to plod along and enjoy a quite and argument free life. It's all I've ever wanted and my life is so opposite that at te minute it's really hard to adjust

I think immgoing to
Move out the day before so I don't have no one coming to drive past and see what's going on at the house.

The council have offered me
Somewhere which isn't ready until
After Christmas but it
Looks nice from outside and it's in a really quite area so that's good

HIssy I wish I had the guts to refuse to move out until my new place is ready it would seriously piss them off and not alot they could do about it and I would get satisfaction for once

I did call the CAB that womens rights gave me but it said you gave to go down to your local office in the morning

Switch onto autopilot and just go through the motions systematically. Write your to do list and plough through it. This stuff is exhausting but you will be bloody pleased you did it. We are here for you to lean on.

And, most importantly, let yourself get a tiny bit excited about starting 2014 in a lovely new home!

I beg to differ, it sounds to me that you're really getting on with your shit. I think we all want a quiet, argument-free life - not many of us relish conflict! You're being bullied, harassed and intimidated, which makes it difficult to do things. I told you about me being bullied at work last week - I froze. But you're doing them, you're doing a lot from what I can see which is more than I did last week

This is all new for you, you've never done it before, you're learning a whole bank of new skills. You're doing well imo

Thank you today me and my mum are packing up the house and start moving things to storage

Excellent. The more you get out now, the less you have to worry.

Springy is absolutely right. You are Action Woman right now!

Brilliant, he can't steal what isn't there! And the cheek of the bastard, trying to get his grabby hands on all the family possessions and telling you not allowing him whatever the hell he wants from possessions you bought and have receipts for is YOU stealing from him. I hope you're keeping all these texts. They'll be handy in the contact proceedings - such concern for his daughter's welfare, wanting her to live in an unfurnished house so he can get a free ride.

Hope you have a peaceful and constructive weekend with your lovely parents and gorgeous DD, and the new house is all you're hoping for. And I hope you're working out how to prove harassment in order to be entitled to legal aid, too - it honestly is so essential in terms of moving forward with protecting dd.

He really can't have thought how it will look that he wants me to walk away with a cot and wardrobe and that's it.

I've phoned the police and reported the texts and I have the number from WA to get an injunction but don't know if the messages I've got will make it stand?

Wow I didn't realise how much stuff there is to pack think I'm going to need more boxes

Have you told the police about the knife incident, and refusing to return dd unless you gave him the electrical equipment, too? Those are fairly appalling and would perhaps very much strengthen the argument that he needs to be kept away from you. The messages are nasty, but not threatening in the same way as those incidents, perhaps.

I hope you can get that solicitor's initial appointment to discuss all this, as if they can get you a non-molestation order they can also get you legal aid.

I've mentioned the TV but not the knife. The solicitor said I need the letter before I can get legal aid from them

I should've thought his aggressive actions confirm that his messages are serious, perhaps? ie his actions show that he is clearly prepared to carry out the things he threatens in his messages, and he's proved that. So the actions and the messages go hand in hand, the messages carry more weight because of his actions.

Well done for cracking on girl. You are so blessed to have a supportive family btw!

I think the knife incident is the scariest, tbh. I would definitely mention that to the police in exactly the same terms you did here - that he wasn't overtly threatening you, but was waving it about in your general vicinity in a small room while being intensely angry with you (that's right, yes?) and that it scared you.

I absolutely appreciate that they can't work for you on a legal aid basis until you have legal aid, but an injunction would be one way you could get it. I don't know if you would qualify for that as yet, though - which is why telling the police everything is so important.

Can I report hat because it happened weeks ago?

I know I'm really lucky to have good family and friends around me. They've been amazing!

Can I report hat because it happened weeks ago?

I know I'm really lucky to have good family and friends around me. They've been amazing!

It does feel weird starting to see the house so empty and I come across loads of old photos which was sad so I just bagged them and I've left them for him, I doubt he'll deal with them just let his mummy pin them on a dart board to throw at me

Of course you can, it's not uncommon for abuse victims to report later, and you've had such a number done on you you aren't always sure how awful his behaviour has been at the time he's doing it, are you. And (though don't show it now! No need to give him a link to the support you get here) if he tried to argue later, you have date/time stamped posts on Mumsnet you posted at the time as backup.

You might want to think about posting on a hidden board here on MN, in all honesty - possibly even print these threads off and then ask MN to delete. The site is such a famous one, and if say his sister read these she would know it was you, I imagine.

The threads where you first expressed concern over MIL's treatment of your dd might also be helpful. Proves you aren't a bitter ex inventing concerns you didn't feel at the time.

Please tell me I'm not acting over the top in all of this? Just had a text from XP and he's drunk. He's not being aggressive or nasty just pleading to see DD asking me how can I do this to him and DD and put them both through this. That all he's ever done is make me happy and given me anything I want bullshit he really didn't think I would do this even though his parents told him I would. He cries r dry day because he misses his little girl and can't see her grow up and will I rethink what I'm doing

I feel so fucking guilt.8 feel sorry for him because I know not see'ing DD would kill me. How can he still make me feel do bad? I thought do much about that decision I didn't make it lightly but now I think was I right

Far, you've already asked him to stop contacting you. Drunk or not, he's continuing to cross that line, disregard your boundaries and put responsibility for his choices onto you in your response to how he's behaved, instead of looking at himself. Don't reply, switch your phone off, and if he continues to text, call the police in the morning to get this harassment nipped in the bud.

You haven't caused him to treat you badly, you aren't responsible for the choices he makes, and all through your situation, your ex has had numerous chances to make different choices that would not have this outcome. He is a grown man, he's not incapable of making his own decisions, and he chose to behave and treat you that way. He will see your DD, you know that will happen, but while your feelings and your DD's welfare are being disregarded, he will have to deal with that wait until things can be settled between you.

Ignore him, go to sleep and deal with it (phone the police) in the morning.