I still haven't moved out, do I take everything? Part 2

[FarOverTheRainbow]

This is a follow on from the first thread I done in AIBU here's the link

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1867926-WIBU-to-move-out-and-take-everything

I can't thank everyone enough for all the help and support you've given me. It's been invaluable and you lovely people have helped get me out of a really dark place and are still doing so. When I read the start of my old thread and think about how I felt 8 weeks ago I never thought I'd be where I am now and even though I still have a long long way to go I wouldn't be half way here if it wasn't for the support here very soppy but so true

I hope I don't lose anyone moving to here

Women's Aid are experts on domestic abuse which falls under family and criminal laws, not landlord and tenant law which is a complicated area all in its own right. And the reality according to Hissy's links (and a few I just looked for) seems to be that the ex-in-laws can't force entry, so have no remedy other than legal action, though tenants apparently do often have to pay the costs of such action if their refusal is deemed unreasonable. You're moving out in a week (it is December 4th, right? And when they made the request they thought it was the 1st, so less than a week) so hardly likely to fly as a reasonable move on their part - in fact their zeal to have access before they have an empty property is a bit weird, full stop. So don't worry, I don't think the WA advice on that is right. You aren't actually denying access, you're saying they can hold off for the single week left to you in the house!

Hang on in there. This too shall pass - soon, you'll be shot of living in a house with any connection to them at all.

Call Rights of Women today - I think they have longer hours on Friday - and ask them for guidance on claiming legal aid (public funding) on grounds of domestic abuse. I don't know if you would qualify as the threshold is quite stiff but Women's Aid offered you a refuge place, so mention that plus the health visitor's support. See what they say.

You can choose your own solicitor, but they don't all accept legal aid. You need to check that out when talking to them. Make sure you like/trust them, and I would recommend you find a firm who specialise in family law specifically, and child residence/contact disputes as opposed to say matrimonial property settlements (most do all aspects, though). You need to ask for an initial free appointment to discuss your situation, so you can suss them out and they your position. You need to stress the abusive nature of the relationship so they are able to advise you appropriately.

Be aware that most people enter child contact disputes on both sides thinking the court will vindicate them and they will "win". The reality is that it's usually a bruising and painful experience for all concerned and nobody comes out unscathed. It's a last resort option in most situations. But this is all stuff you need to talk over with your solicitor. You need to trust them and they need to be cool-headed and at times saying things you won't like to hear (nature of their job) so honestly do have a look at which you choose, and work out how to manage the funding side.

I've just had another message from LL saying I will owe 4 days rent, who is my solicitor, what will happen with the keys and what about the alarm.

I'm trying to find all my paper work that I keep together and out somewhere safe but can't bloody find where to check my agreement and then phone womens rights. This is a fucking nightmare. Never a moments peace there's always something wanting to hit me with a big stick

Don't answer it. It's not your problem and you don't have to jump to their tune, so don't worry about it right now. Just forget the nonsense and get on with your day. You don't want to reply to their text anyway as you already said no further contact that way, and the issues they raise can be very easily sorted.

1. The smoke alarm is their issue as landlords, not yours. You can prove you covered dd from a safety angle, so don't bother to reply - they can sort that out next week when they have access to the house again, and you've left. It is not your problem.

2. You can just pay the extra 4 days into the same account the rest went into. Again, no big deal at all.

3. They already have their own keys to the property, so all you need to do is leave yours on the side somewhere prominent when you move out.

4. When you choose a solicitor, you can get them to write to your ex. He will then have their contact info and can give it to his parents. Just don't let them hassle you anymore. It's over with.

It's not a big deal. You don't have to see them and you have now achieved all you need to from that perspective. Call Rights of Women when they open their lines to chat about the legal aid. But honestly, you've banned him from harassing you, and now the in-laws as well.

I know it's horrible when they contact you, so well done on making it so they can't in future. You don't have to have these people in your life now. Focus on you and your dd, and moving forward.

One thing I would say - if you paid a deposit, and even if you didn't - take a lot of photos of the place when you leave, showing it's really clean and in a good state. That way they can't argue you trashed it or anything of the kind. Always a good idea when vacating a rented property anyway, IMO.

You're doing so well. Don't let them get to you, okay?

Rights of Women are open 12 - 2 today, not the usual evenings. Their number is: 020 7251 6577

Honestly, you've taken another step in getting free of these people. Don't let their prissy response upset you - so not worth it.

There are two issues here which are concerning you at present:
The access by FIL for a repair on the smoke alarm
The contact access arrangements re daughter.

Forget the first one. It's done and dealt with. You've advised FIL he can't have access, and you have advised of a change of move date. End of. He may well have a face that looks like it's been sucking lemons, but in reality there is bugger all that he can do about it in such a short time frame.

The access and maintenance issue is the area that you should now focus on; walk away in your head from the tenancy issue.

Please get a solicitor immediately; you've sat on your hands and alternatively wrung them with worry in this regard. You have nothing to loose apart from time if you go down the free initial consultation route and this; as Perfectstorm and others have said, will give you an opportunity to suss out the quality, and very often you garner a lot of free advise and information in this consultation for free.
Eat your elephant in small chunks. Make the phone calls to three solicitors initially; enquire as to the legal aid status; then attend for a free consultation.... and then you get to the next mouthful/stage.

Solicitors have seen this and similar scenarios time and time again; this is your one and only experience of this situation. Reach out and grab some of that expertise.

Eat your elephant in small chunks.

This! I think you have got in the habit (we all do it) of looking at everything all at once, and then panicking. You don't need to do that, because you don't need to manage it all at once. Just take things one step at a time.

As you know Far; I'm local to you. In my profession I get to see a lot of local solicitors' work and work product in my own profession. Forgive me I don't want to divulge further.
I recommended Band Hatton in Coventry. They're a hop skip and a jump down the by pass and as you have a baby, I've thought about easy access with a small child.
I can say that they would be my first choice; and I can assure you that I am not (unfortunately) in receipt of any referral commission.
With respect, the list referred to above, is dated 2011 and my experience is current.
There is one other firm the other side of Stratford upon Avon that I would rate equally highly; and might be a better match for you as the senior partner is lovely and she has a real heart. But this firm is located on a B unlit and nasty road and as it's now Winter we have to take into account ease of access and untreated roads.

I've found my tenancy agreement and it was signed on the 16th and says first payment will be made on this date so I will phone the legal aid housing solicitor today and speak to them about it.

I'm going going to text back I'm going to try and ignore. Ill phone advice for women later and ill do whatever I have to do toget legal aid and then after ill phone 3 solictors of that list and hopefully get info on legal aid and some appointments.

It's really hard to look at everything separately when it feels like I'm being beaten at every point but I know I need to make more effort too just for my own sake.

I've found my tenancy agreement and it was signed on the 16th and says first payment will be made on this date so I will phone the legal aid housing solicitor today and speak to them about it.

I'm going going to text back I'm going to try and ignore. Ill phone advice for women later and ill do whatever I have to do toget legal aid and then after ill phone 3 solictors of that list and hopefully get info on legal aid and some appointments.

It's really hard to look at everything separately when it feels like I'm being beaten at every point but I know I need to make more effort too just for my own sake.

Thank you jiminy I will phone them today. I do appreciate the help

Forget the tenancy situation. There's nothing they can do (legally) for months. Although I have no legal experience, I know this from the landlords' position. Now walk away from that in your own mind and do not waste time and energy re-visiting this.
Get on the 'phone to solicitors; the solicitor's themselves will say yay or nay to legal aid. Pro-active as opposed to Re-active is your new mantra.

Rainbow if you have a local rec. from someone who has professional dealings with solicitors in your area then that will be a lot better than any guide could hope to be - and I don't know where you live other than Midlands area, so if they're very local to you indeed then that is a huge plus as well. I just googled for Chambers & Partners, as they're usually a good way to get some notion of good lawyers in any given area (though I thought the list is from the current year? I was under the impression they update annually... which may be completely wrong!) but someone who actually has on the ground knowledge can offer much better advice, and tbh it'll probably be a lot cheaper, too. You don't have to pay for work concerning your dd with a public funding cert. but you will anything relating to the tenancy etc., as that isn't covered.

Sorry Jiminy, didn't mean to undermine your advice - missed that a personal rec was made. Was just concerned that all solicitors are not created equal, and a bad one would obviously be a bit of a mare here.

You're doing so well, OP. Look what they wanted to happen - you in a shelter with your daughter, ex stealing all your property from you! You've held on to the property and managed to get on the urgent council housing list, you've forced him to back off, and now the in-laws, too. You're doing great and don't let the fact they can hurt you detract from that reality, okay?

If the rent is paid up to the 16th then they owe you 12 days overpayment, no not you an extra 4? Cheeky ratbags. Not that this is news.

I live in a valley and every time I go out on my bike, I have to cycle up a big hill. If I look up to the top of the hill and see how far I have to go and how hard it's going to be, I lose heart immediately and get off. If I keep my head down (safely of course!) and just plod up the hill... before I know it I'm at the top.

You've already come so far. Think about it - you've done such a lot!

XP has sent me a text saying I'm nt allowed to take anything from the house ad he removes all concnt because he has paid for it and if I do he will have me arrested because its a criminal offense and I'm only allowed to take DDs furniture and hell allow me to have my car because its in DDs best interest

I can't offer legal advice but I'm on your behalf. What a dick.

Although I've heard prawns in the curtain poles create a lovely aroma...

I'm sure the others with legal experience will be along soon to let you know if that's an empty threat or not. Chin up.

waves pompoms

I've phoned the police and aske advice and they said that having receipts doesn't prove he didn't pay anything towards them but doesn't prove there his so there not interested and won't get involve and f he reports me to then they might phone me for a chat but they'll tell him that there not interested as its s civil matter and he'll have to take me to court

Take the lot.

Can I?

Yes, absolutely you can.

I would also point out that he has been told not to contact you except via solicitor. He has now done so. Didn't the police tell you you needed to clearly tell him to leave you alone, and then further contact was harassment?

Please tell me you've called both solicitors Jiminy recommended? You need someone on your side who can handle this idiot for you. He's a git, and you don't need or deserve his rubbish.

I've phones the solicitor Jiminy recommended and there full to capacity so they've given me another number that they say recommend. I'm sitting here with the home glued to me trying to get hold
Of women's rights but there constantly busy

Take whatever you will need, whatever you want, and even whatever you think may come in useful one day.

Because the thing is - the child visitation will probably go to court. How will it look if he has tried to take his daughter's Mum to court demanding all the furniture aside from the cot and highchair? His daughter will need more than that for the coming years! He will look petty and spiteful.

Stay close to the house until you move out, because now he knows your moving date I wouldn't put it past him to turn up with a van. You can order deliveries through a supermarket as long as you're spending £40. Or ask your parents to drop food round. But I would guard the stuff for these last few days! If you have to go out, try and arrange for a friend to house sit with instructions to call the police if he turns up.

How are you going to get the stuff out? you could do a midnight flit

Hope you get a solicitor onto this soon xx