I still haven't moved out, do I take everything? Part 2

[FarOverTheRainbow]

This is a follow on from the first thread I done in AIBU here's the link

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1867926-WIBU-to-move-out-and-take-everything

I can't thank everyone enough for all the help and support you've given me. It's been invaluable and you lovely people have helped get me out of a really dark place and are still doing so. When I read the start of my old thread and think about how I felt 8 weeks ago I never thought I'd be where I am now and even though I still have a long long way to go I wouldn't be half way here if it wasn't for the support here very soppy but so true

I hope I don't lose anyone moving to here

Place marking. What about the local centre WA put you in touch with Far, can you call them in the day time?

Buying your own fire alarm will definitely be enough. I thought Hissy's text about not allowing him access was good, but it's worth double checking on the legal boards. You always sound so unsure of yourself Far. You don't need to be, you are doin everything right and have your DD's well being at the core of everything you're doing.

Collective Wisdom of the Women of Mumnsnet V One Fuckwit.

One might even start to feel a tad sorry for him, but then again nah.

YOU as a tenant OR a parent don't need to have a smoke alarm in your property by law. Remember that.

A LANDLORD has a LEGAL OBLIGATION to provide one for the tenancy. It is the responsibility of the tenant to make sure that it's working and batteries are tested.

FOR THEIR OWN SAFETY. No legal action can be taken if you don't replace batteries.

There is nothing to stop you getting your own alarm, but you can't be penalised by courts for any reason whatsoever for not having one.

Think about it! :)

You are so caught up in the FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) that these abusive arseholes have created so that they can try to gain power and control over you that you are losing sight of all reason.

S'ok, happens to us all in abusive relationships, but please, take a step back, take a breath and THINK about what the truth really is and what your boundaries are and STICK to them.

The most important word we learn when coming out of dynamics like this is NO.

You think we are all so clever/sorted etc? only cos we have distance, and have faced this same kind of shit in different guises and come through the other side. You are in the middle of it. When we were in the middle of our situations, we couldn't see further than our hands either.

Trust me on access, and the text, I double, triple checked with shelter, the police, the CAB, MN legal and Landlord Zone.

Not a living soul can enter your home if you don't want them to. if they try, you can call the police and they WILL be told to leave.

Notice or no notice, no contract has the right to remove your right to quiet enjoyment.

www.lawpack.co.uk/landlord-and-tenancy/managing-your-tenancy/articles/article1661.asp

Particularly:

You should never use your keys to enter the property without the tenants' knowledge or permission, other than in cases of genuine emergency.

If the tenant objects to you attending to do inspections or carry out repairs, then you cannot enter the property. This situation is rare, however, and if it occurs, then you should consider whether you should bring proceedings for eviction.

NB - that last bit means LL can only access with a court order

Please don't let them in, Far. I am a LL (we rent out our basement) and it would never occur to me to insist on going in there even though I know our tenant wouldn't mind me letting the gasman in to read the meter etc. I simply wouldn't do it. As for insisting on entry to fit a fire alarm if she said no - no way would I do it.

You have rights. You seem to think you don't. This is a measure of how bullied and scared they have made you.

Remember this at all times: You are in the right. They are not. The law is on your side.

Now, stick up your chin and say NO.

I love MN. I'm not going to let them in, I've brought my own so I feel abit more protected. Do I text and tell him I refuse him access or do I jus keep the door locked and hide tomorrow?

I am scared yeh because I know that a ton of bricks could hit me at any minute because ice stopped access and I don't want or need anything else coming at me but now I feel confident to refuse but still scared.

I need to tell him I'm not moving out aswell

Text what Hissy said so they don't try. Would be worth staying in with the door locked anyway. If you text, you have a written record that you've told them no and they don't have your permission. Otherwise they coul claim you didn't object.

Do I mention that I'm not moving out in this text aswell so I only have to text the once otherwise Sunday will come and ill still be here

You're on completely solid ground with the access to the house. I do think legal advice on wording the contact refusal might be an idea, though. Just to be sure you are very clear it's over welfare concerns for your dd, not anger with the ex. And I still think you need to be careful about saying no contact at all, then sending a text within days yourself.

I'd definitely get a smoke alarm if yours is playing up. Mainly for because you need one, IMO - there's a reason landlords have to fit them. And while you have no issues on the subject as regards landlord and tenant law, they could try to argue you were being unreasonable over your dd's welfare in refusing her that safety check if they want to pretend they have concerns that your anger with them is affecting your judgement over her, so the ability to say you handled it fine without them invading your privacy might be handy, anyway. The two aspects (housing, and child contact) are separate.

They are thé ones that tied child with ll obligations.

They have used contact at your house to intimidate you as a tenant.

They have used your tenancy to intimidate you into contact.

They are vile, i'd love to see what a court had to say about the treatment you've suffered at their hands.

Not one bit of their tenancy obligations is legit!

I'm just checking in, completely behind you 100% and anything I can do to help I will try

I've just read your other thread.

It's incredible how far you have come - at the beginning you were very much paralysed with fear, now you are dealing with many difficult and downright nasty tasks and coming through the other side.

Good work Far, and keep your chin up!

(Sorry I've got no proper advice or anything )

Thank you, I've phoned WA and waiting for someone to call me back to see if try can help with what to say. I think ill use what HIssy said and then try and add in some way that I've made my own arrangements to ensure mine and DDs welfare and then add on about not moving out. I don't want to text I'd rather jus completely ignore them and stick to no contact but if I do that then things are going to be horrible tomorrow when he's knocking my door and if I phoned the police he can say he had no idea he didn't want me to fit one as I haven't replied to any of his message and he's that concerned about me having a small child in the house he served me with notice so he could make sure she's safe, so I feel I have to to reply

I wouldn't. Keep it to the minimum No access to the house and I'm not moving till xxxxx. End of. Don't mention safety/daughter or anything else. It's none of their business.
I wasn't concerned about the legal aspect of the fire alarm, re the tenancy etc.
I was thinking further down the line vis a vis custody/visitation "She endangered the child by not having a fully functioning fire alarm and unreasonably refused to get it fixed blah blah blah"
If they think about it later and raise it re you as a fit parent; then they're firing blanks. So don't tip them off about ensuring your and your daughters safety.
Far better for them to have egg on their face should the situation arise.

Good luck, you're very brave

re texting. I agree that you have to keep to the agreement with ex re texting and that all communications must go through a lawyer from now on.

The fire alarm thing, though, has been instigated by FIL's texts, so perhaps it's ok to answer to those? Just don't text ex.

Perhaps you could text FIL stating that you have bought replacement smoke detectors and that you do not want him to enter the property tomorrow? At least then it's said.

Do remember that it is better to call Womens Aid overnight eg between 7 at night and 7 in the morning - the lines are constantly engaged during the day, sadly. You do need legal advice as soon as. As suggested by perfectstorm, Rights for Women are recommended by Womens Aid for legal advice, did you give them a call this evening?

Keep going lovely. You're getting there

I can't get hold of WA and they didn't call me back

I need to tell him that he can't come otherwise he could be here from 8 onwards. I've just tried calling again and left wa my number.

Do I send..

Unfortunately there will be no access at all without my permission. Rights to Quite Enjoyment come before contractual law. If you want to enter my home you will need a court order. I have taken the appropriate measures myself with regards to a fire alarm. I won't be moving out in the 1st but the 4th.

I'd keep it shorter than that. "I don't consent to access, which is my legal right unless you have a court order to the contrary. I will now be vacating on the 4th and not the 1st. I ask that you conduct any further communication via my solicitor." You don't need to give any more info at all. None of their business.

Sent perfect's text. That's perfect :)

I'd also look at this list of highly rated lawyers in the West Midlands area and call any you think sound good/relatively near asking for a free initial appointment. You need to check out their willingness to work for a publicly funded (legally aided) client.

I think you need to start thinking in terms of a good solicitor taking this forward, and you need to get the money side sorted for that. It's bankruptcy-inducing, a contact dispute that makes it to court, if you don't get a certificate entitling you to state funding (which Women's Aid sound like they think you would qualify for). And good legal advice is absolutely worth its weight in gold.

Wow just got hold of WA and for the first time ever they weren't helpful the women told me its his house he can come in ad I said surely its my right to has a peaceful life an he said yeh but it's his house of your scared call the police or see a lawyer but its his right to want fire alarms in HIS house and I said I have fire alarms, I've brought my own. She wasnt helpful at all.

Thank you ill send perfects text

Sent it, I get very brave pressing ad until it said sent and I thought oh shit.

Thanks perfect ill go through the list this morning. How do I get a certificate for legal aid? Do you get to pick your own solicitor or do you get given one?

I don't know if I should stay in all day now. XP knows I go out in Friday afternoons so they will no the house is empty but not sure if their stupid enough to risk nosing round.

Thanks perfect ill go through the list this morning. How do I get a certificate for legal aid? Do you get to pick your own solicitor or do you get given one?

I don't know if I should stay in all day now. XP knows I go out in Friday afternoons so they will no the house is empty but not sure if their stupid enough to risk nosing round.