Am I being selfish guy here? - sex after pregnancy issue

[blueeyedguy]

Hi all,

wondering if I could get some advice from a females perspective.

My partner and I have 2 children, one 3 and another who is 13 weeks old.

After the birth of our second it became apparent that my partner had an issue with a bladder prolapse which has become an obstacle in getting being able to get our sex life back on track. I have been supportive with this and tried to keep my own high sex drive under control and not been a pest to her.

Penetrative sex would be difficult for us, but am I selfish for asking for her to perform oral sex or handjob on me in the meantime?

On the occasion I asked, and tried to be as tactful about it as possible, I was told "why, what am i going to get out of it"? Also, understandably so she says breastfeeding our little one doesn't really make her feel sexy.

Now I understand her position, it must be very frustrating for her, and I am happy to wait if it needs to be like that, but I cant help thinking that helping me out wouldn't be really a big deal?

If roles were reversed I wouldn't mind easing her frustrations as making her happy makes me happy.

Yes agree. The tone of the OP is repellent. Posting 'ah okay maybe I'm unreasonable' doesn't actually undo it and if you're going to post something repellent you need to be prepared that it may be discussed at length on this forum.

There's nothing wrong with tentatively moving to initiate sex.. most couples have certain looks, touches, flirtatious banter or routines that 'set the mood' and that can be rebuffed at an early stage without causing insult to either party. That is not the same as saying I honestly think she could stretch herself to help me out/this dratted prolapse is buffering up my sex life/I'm working hard to keep my 'high sex drive' in check. It just implies a breathtakingly cavalier attitude to the partnership and is at best disrespectful.

Your partner has a problem with prolapse-- and it's an obstacle to your sex life?

Says it all really.

Yeah, his meatsock has malfunctioned.

My DP is caring and attentive, does his share of household chores, looks after DS equally etc. He's always concerned about making me happy, honestly he is. However, because of this thread, I asked him how long he thinks we'll go without sex when our baby is born by ecs.... Maybe a week was his reply as it is major surgery.... They really just don't have a clue!

I wish the OP's partner would come on mumsnet.

Fifi - I think not knowing what something that has never happened to you is like is a lot more forgivable than not acknowledging something that has not only happened but has been somewhat of a shared experience even if it hasn't happened directly to you.

Ah yes fifi, but you wouldn't suffer any vaginal damage you see, so I think a week is quite generous. I am sure he is a lovely man, but a lot of men have no clue until they have a child. You would hope that by DC2 he'd maybe have picked up on the impact of childbirth/the newborn stage though. Or were you very keen last time? I don't think DH had any illusions by the time no. 2 rolled round!

I read this op to my partner, he was he cpouldtn believe a man would be putting his need for sexual reliefre

DS father legged it so I was on my own, he had a DD around the same time, that was a vb, god knows how quick they jumped back on the horse.... Infact I don't want to know!

Bollocks toddler helping..

Right as I said my dp was aghast at the op, a man moaning about his sexual desires nti being met when his wife has not long given birth and has suffered injuries.

Wwhen I had our first I had a episiotomy, dp made sure I was looked after and supported, no pressure re sex, he waited for me to initiate it and his main concern was that it was ok for me and pleasurable not painful etc.

He said his concert situation wpudl be doing everything to help ie with a prolapse then lifting etc is not good so he would make sure he did anyhtign involving lifting. Basically my health would be his priority not has sexual needs!

Ah I see fifi. Your first together. Sorry I misunderstood. Yes, why his expectations are so fast given he has a child is probably not somewhere you want to go conversation-wise.

What a knob

This thread is over a year old!