Upset again by Dad's comments regarding our seperation.

[Lemmingswife]

Have spoken to my sister this weekend & she told me that she got herself into an argument with Dad over my situation.
She told me that Dad told her that she must not fall pray to any of this nonsence.
My sister told him that she would support me, as I was her sister & she had heard how he had threatened me.
My Dad said "Yes I did & I stand by what I said. I do not regret a word of it."
My sister told him that H has a very bad temper & that he does not know what goes on behind closed doors.
His response to this was "She is a liar & a drama queen and that girl is enough to bring out the temper in anyone!"
He said that members of our family do not give up on marriages & if my sister did what I am doing, she would get the same response.

This has all really upset me again. It looks like he really will reject me for going through with the seperation & I just don't know how I am going to get through this.

Oh Shibori get some help please!!!! this and this and this might help! Hope you are ok this morning. Really though this cannot go on and you need some real help in rl as well as your support here. THinking of you.

Shibori, I am VERY worried about you. PLEASE, PLEASE get some kind of help ASAP!
Get in contact with womans aid, or samaritans, or contact your gp. Please get some professional help immediately, as like GF says, this CANNOT go on.
Hope you are okay this morning.
Thinking of you.xxx

Yes, FOTM, I think you are right - he is trying every trick in the book. He cannot bear it that he is not in control here, so he is trying the "Well you couldn't have me back even if you wanted to" approach now!
He is also being as difficult as possible & I am starting to really dislike him.

H has calmed down a little today & has now gone off to work until 9pm, so I have space from him.
I am feeling less all over the place today. All the time my parents are behaving in the way they are, I will try & keep my distance, then they can't upset me with their words.
I cope better when H is not around me in the house.

Good for you, LW.

I went to bed last night thinking 'yes, he's tried his pathetic motherless puppy act, and that didn't work, so now he's threatening you and being horrible' - so ignore that too, as far as possible!

Do log the threat not to pay the mortgage - that is unreasonable and he's trying to threaten you out of your rights to find out what you are due, etc.

Freckle's suggestion about what to do if he does mess around with the mortgage is a good one.

It sounds as if the quicker you can speed up the divorce, the better. I know nothing of these things but if you got your HV to write a report detailing what she knows of the various stresses you have lived under, and the effect on the boys and yourself, could you take that to the solicitor and ask that he writes pretty much immediately telling H you are divorcing him for unreasonable beahviour??

The whole thing about your parents claiming they will have to move from their house is nothing short of bizarre! At least once the week starts you can go to your job and mix with people who live in the real world!

I will log the threat not to pay the mortgage, Blu.
He told me that no court in the land would expect him to have to keep up the payments for our house & that followed with the line about if I objected to the sale, he would just stop paying the mortgage.
I told him that he needed to see a solicitor soon & he said that he would not see one until the house gets sold, that is provided I don't object to the sale.
He is still very bitter about finding out I saw a solicitor.

He told me that I could have just looked in information up on-line!

Sorry, THE information up!

He is in some sort of denial, isn't he? I don't think it is possible to get divorced without seeing a solicitor, is it? And you certainly couldn't sort out a financial situation like yours (children, one partner primary carer, other earning much higher) without a solicitor or some detailed legal knowlege. And it sounds as if he could be very wrong about what 'no court in the land' would decree - and find that very much he is required to pay a mortgage to house his two children!

He is just being very silly - at best - or more likely, as you said earlier, trying to regain control over the process of ending the marriage. Perhaps soon he will realise that it will be more dignified for him to behave reasonably rather than having to be forced by law to accept what IS the law.

Anyway, you would have been absolutely reckless and irresponsible to go into something like selling the house without getting legal advice! You are very much acting in the best interests of the children. I think you will just have to carry on as you are - determindly doing what you are doing, and continuing to see your solicitor, whilst ignoring hm as much as possible.

Is it easier when he makes you hate him?

He's clutching at straws LW, his plan to be sad and tearfull has not made you change your mind and he realises he is losing control so he is trying a different plan...being nasty and bullying you. Stay calm... hang on in there. remember.. you are in control of your life now, not H.

It is easier when he makes me hate him, Blu, because when he is being all nice, I can almost doubt myself & feel a little guilty & sorry for him. When he is being his nasty self, I know 100% that what I am doing is for the best.
He was coming out with the "You have not loved me for a long time" line again last night.
Came down here to get away from him in the end!

hi LW, sorry I haven't been around for while. Sorry you have more crap to deal with from just about everyone. Your dad is being an arse, as usual, but please don't even waste too much time thinking about him.

He is worried that you leaving h might make your mum sit up and think, as he knows how similar he is to h - even if he only knows it subconsciously.

As for h, he is just annoyed that you are one step ahead of him with the solicitor. Ignore the threats - latest in his pathetic attempts to defeat you.

I think you are very right there, CQ! He is annoyed that I saw a solicitor without him knowing about it.
He was going on about how awful it was last time we went to my sisters (this was about a week after the getting in late incident), he then said "Then four days later, I find out that my wife has been to see a solicitor!"
I told him that it was sensible for me to see a solicitor, when only a few days before, he was telling me that our marriage was over, as a result of that Friday night.
His reaction to this was "So do you think our marriage was right before that then?"
I told him that our marriage has been far from ok for a very long time, which is more reason for me to see a solicitor.
He didn't like it.

OMg he is my X who suggested that we do our divorce online and spent all his time on a web site called on divorce! He even said we could have a no fuss no strings divorce without ever going through a solicitor and he would get the forms!

yes LW I have been there and it is not pleasant because they want to make you repsonsible for everything and take no responsibility for the break up themselves!

I think that is exactually how H is thinking, GF. He won't want to look bad in any way, he is just telling his friends that we have just drifted apart & it is some kind of joint decision!

Am getting a bit worried about it all. Think he is going to be very stubborn.

I think you can be sure that he will be very stubborn. He will try every trick in the book. You are going to have to be very tough and determined to get to the other side of this, but you will do it.

I am being as tough as I can, CQ! You are right, he will try every trick in the book & it appears that he already is.

Take some time for yourself in all of this LW as well. You need some time when you do something nice like get your hair done or nails or have a treatment. I try to set some time aside each week for me when I concentrate on looking after my own needs. It is esy to start neglecting yourself in all of this trauma.

I got my hair done on Friday, GF & had a glass of wine while they were doing it!
I have a very poorly DS2 today. He is laying with his Dad atm.

Oh bless what is wrong wiht him?

Was grizzly yesterday, but thought he was just tired. He woke up at 1am crying out with stomach pains & then vomited.
Been up on & off all night with him.
He woke up crying this morning, he didn't know what to do with himself & was very floppy.
DS1 was demanding breakfast at the same time & I ended up in tears myself, so H has DS2 laying with him now.
He seems calmer after being calpoled, but I am not going to work today, as H leaves for work at lunchtime & I don't want to leave him with anyone when he is like this.
Got doctors appt at 10.30am.