any dating gurus around?

[Mitchy1nge]

so if you met someone, and had quite a nice time at a party with them (no snogging or sexuals) and you were reasonably sure he fancied you but you didn't fancy him as such but quite liked him as a person, and so if you went on to send him a message asking if he would like to come to the cinema to watch a film (that he had been talking about) with you but he hadn't responded within 24 hours would you:

1. think never mind, nothing ventured nothing gained
2. check you got the number right
3. find out where he lives and let yourself in while he is at work and surprise him?

I'm thinking 1 but I really do think he liked me, he wrote a lovely poem and everything (everything being making an origami crane) so am a bit puzzled that he wouldn't at least say thanks but no, or ideally 'yes that would be lovely'. Hmmm.

gurus gurus where are you? I need you

some of the middle of the night poetic texts, while beautiful, are a bit fucking intense

I don't know if it's my intimacy issues or if he is strange in undesirable ways

Hmmm

I think I expressed concern at the poetry a few pages back. It would do my noddle in tbh.
In my not at all humble opinion, it should just be laughs at this stage shouldn't it?

oh I don't have pages, just really long threads

it is just his way isn't it, there is probably a perfectly good astrological explanation (he is Piscean) - some of the poetry is great, but it's the heaviness of the sentiments therein

I don't know if:

1. he is too intense and I don't want to get involved
2. I like him and I do want to get involved but am scared of intimacy so am using his intensity as an excuse

is there some way of finding out? am finding it all a bit mentally destabilising I think

You're how many dates in? Half a dozen?

I don't think the word "intense" would be on my agenda

It would make me run for the hills but each to their own.

I think at this stage it should be exciting, sexy, fun as you get to know each other. Intense all sounds a bit gloomy to me.

I'm not saying he shouldn't be saying deep things. Lovely things. But "intense" to me sounds a bit doom laden

the intensity and gloom might all be mine to be fair, am not in the sunniest of moods at the moment

also, although have lots of free time, am finding it a strain to have to choose between one set of weekend activities or seeing him - I would actually much rather see him I think

he is a nice person (that sounds condemnatory enough doesn't it) and we do have fun and the sex got off to a really good start and has continued to improve (realise is early days of course) and he makes me laugh, a lot, and the way he lives is quite fascinating to me in only good ways

and he likes me, I think we can safely say that now, so am really not sure what my problem is

this is the closest I'll ever get to therapy, sorry do seem to have encountered similar problems this week in my other great interests such as horses and marathon training so I think it's probably my state of mind

In that case I think you might just need to drop your shoulder a bit and go with the flow!

thank you, those are wise words, let us see what flows in a minute when I arrive at his

Fnarrr!

I hope you have a lovely evening Mitch.

thanks :) I did :)

he is talking about getting a double bed, this will make things even lovelier

You feeling better/less concerned about intensity now mitchy?

I think so. It's very easy to get into a mild panicky state for some reason

Yes....I think it's normal, because I think the beginning of things can be a bit intense with all the feelings we get, regardless of whether anybody mentions it or sends poetic midnight texts...

it is not the sort of life-threatening type risk taking I tend to enjoy usually, is much scarier, but on balance am feeling pleased with self for 'stalking' him at the outset

now can just lie down while he makes me densely calorific sandwiches and tells me about his spreadsheets, this is definitely some sort of Love

great, he is having a day away from his precious most boring in the world ever job :) so we can Do Stuff next week

need to try and enjoy him as a person and not just as a sex thing

really there should be a law that when two people meet and like each other a lot they could apply for Crotch Leave or something from work and get a few weeks (paid or half pay maybe) to get fully acquainted with one another

Oh there could be so many leaves like that! (revealing my rather different life situation) decent amount of paternity leave would be top of my list! But you are right, gone are the days when you could just bunk off school to get extra time with the hot boy of the day....frustrating though it is though, are there any perks to getting to know slowly? Any ideas how you are going to handle Christmas/new year together, or not?

News mitchy?

a Quite Bad Thing happened on Sunday morning which I keep thinking (and feeling horrible) about, although the rest of our time together was lovely - scrabble by log fire in medieval pub, (although even that was a bit stressful without a proper dictionary, couldn't have words that I KNOW are allowed in Scrabble and only scored about 380 points which must be my lowest ever) but I think the combination of only having ginger wine, brandy and cashew nuts for dinner plus not sleeping very well/having a really bad dream squashed together with him in the single bed helped set me up for a strange morning

we are doing Something Nice on Wednesday in what passes for daylight at this time of year though, it should be good

am going to see if can download some sort of 'how to behave like a human being' type manual before Weds

it is nice of you to ask by the way :)

we have (separately) been invited to some same NY/Christmas drinks stuff, not sure if we will show up at anything as a couple

What was the Quite Bad Thing? External circumstance, or poorly chosen behaviour by someone?

um, the latter, on both our parts really but I win for (as ever) taking everything to a whole new level of shockingness

I have genuinely conveniently blotted out most of what preceded but we were just sort of playing-in-bed and he tried something that is usually nice but I said 'not in mood, stop it' and he was physically persistent and without even meaning to I bit him very very very hard

he said he takes full responsibility for entire incident but this is stupid because even I know I have to take responsibility for my own actions, even if they were not volitional

Still following and enjoying the progression of your blossoming romance, Mitchy.

Have you drawn a line under the Very Bad Thing? He sounds decent enough to be taking responsibility for pushing you too far and if he knows you regret your part in it then maybe time to forgive / be forgiven and move on? And enjoy the new midweek possibilities!!

You said no to something in bed and yet he persisted?

That is a very big no-no.